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  1. #41
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    I think it might really depend a lot on your individual child too...My good friend has 3 close in age under 5 and after a day out with my DS she is like umm I think 3 put together are still easier than him hehehe.

  2. #42
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    Default 2 year gap between kids - VP and I playing nice

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I think people might be confusing busy with difficult. Yes 2 under 2 or 2yr gap is busy. Very very busy with limited sleep and almost no alone time. But it was rarely difficult.

    Once you get into a good daily rhythm it's just gets so easy. Now when I grocery shop with 3 I wonder how I ever thought shopping with 1 or 2 hard.

    Even now with 3 kids- 6mths, almost 4&6yo, it's busy BUT not hard once past the initial 6-8wks.

    Does that make sense?
    What you're saying makes sense.
    That being said I think it's more a case of:
    1. different people with different life experiences and different needs finding different things difficult
    2. Different people having different levels of support
    3. Different people having different experiences. eg cheescake and her poor poopy post What works for one mum may not be possible for another. Meaning 2 kids may be easy for some and difficult for others.

    So parents with 2 kids can have a whole wife range of experiences and each experience is equally as valid - and the experience isn't necessarily a measure of success or failure.

    Hope that makes sense
    Last edited by VicPark; 08-04-2016 at 13:08.

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  4. #43
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    So much depends on the child and their age.

    My second has severe anxiety. Always has. Makes her a very difficult toddler.

    My 3rd was very easy but never slept. If I hadn't had a terribly anxious toddler to deal with as well he would have been a walk in the park.

    My 4th was a delight. But she was in a hip brace 23/24. Made everything hard. Everything.

    You just cannot compare people's experiences with having kids.

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  6. #44
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    When did you get your alone/down/rest time? Or did you feel you didn't need much? - almost never once I had 2. DS never took a bottle so it was always me who had to be tied to the Bub 24/7.

    Factors that made 1-2 hard (I also found 0-1 hard as well)
    - sleep - I need LOTS of it and not interrupted.

    - temperament of children (youngest and eldest) - eldest DD very strong willed, mummy's girl, active, noisy, non-stop, doesn't like to eat. Youngest DS was happy enough but fed a lot and only ever from me.

    - any special needs of either children
    Both have CMPI and had silent reflux, eldest has many allergies - so sorting food and drinks and feeding and not killing the eldest by being clumsy with allergenic foods and a non eati f toddler was (and is) difficult

    - family support - this is my one saving grace. Without family we would either only have 1 child or id be in a mental institute. Both grandparents continued to look after DD one day per week each to give me bonding time with DS and a chance to nap, cook, clean while DS napped. Without this my sanity wouldn't have been intact

    - need for alone time
    I don't need much of this once I start my may leaves / adjust to 1 or 2 kids, but after maybe 3-4 months I got jack of having no life as I had to have DS with me as I was his only source of nutrition.

    - lack of access to friends - not a problem as I had mum's group friends from DD, 4 of whom were pregnant with me.

    - exposure to young children prior to having ones own (eg from large family with many younger siblings) - THIS! I had NO exposure. Just believed everyone who said all babies do is eat and sleep - YEAH RIGHT!!!! Babies dont come with a manual - you'll instinctively know what to do - YEAH RIGHT!!! Breastfeeding is so natural and has a million benefits and babies just latch as soon as they're out of the womb- YEAH RIGHT!!!!

    My expectations weren't met, they were crushed and I hated every minute of DDs first 7 months of life

    - helpful partner - very helpful but he couldn't breastfeed - damn it. He also had lot of time to himself and things are easier for him as he works 5 days and I only work 3, just naturally it's easier on most dads as there's some things kids only want/need their mummies to do. I hate that as things should be 50/50 and they're not which means yet another expectation of mine isn't met.

    - partner away a lot - nope. Thank god! Though can you count 5 hours EVERY Sunday and ALL public holidays playing golf?

    - feeling the need to 'keep' house (self imposed pressure) - nope. I couldn't give two shiz' my sleep is more important as is my opportunities to relax with a cuppa or relax and watch a TV show

    - underlying medical conditions - as a I've with CMPI and allergies.

    - extent to which someone is happy to go with the flow - I wish I could but I'm too highly strung for that!

    - looking at the past through Rose colored glasses (pun not intended). This! Another myth is that you only get 1 difficult child! My DD was difficult and challenging from day dot, I used this as motivation to have a second because.... He/she had to be an easy baby..... Nope! 2 difficult, intense, spirited kids in this house. I got 2 difficult kids so I'm not even Ci temp laying any risks of trying for a third in the hope it will be an easy one.

    Kids are hard! Harder than I can deal with and harder than I ever thought they could be. 0-1 and 1-2 is hard for me no matter what, but I'm just lucky I have family and a husband to somewhat share the load and give me a tiny bit of sanity. It's also hard for me all due to my expectations of what motherhood should be and how I should parent and I'll always compare my parenting to others' and second guess myself.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Great points.
    It would be great if topics like this were covered in ante natal classes. IMO current classes do a really crap job at preparing people for parenthood .
    OMG this! 1,000 times this! They are more birthing classes than parenting classes. They should do a personality and expectations quiz so potential parents can receive relevant counselling.

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  10. #46
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    Does anyone feel that parenting was made worse for them because of they expected roses and got thorns instead? Or that their own personalities made parenting harder? As in a need to regain control ?

    I'm trying to phrase this as best I can without offending anyone.

    Do the parents who struggled with parenting feel that part of their parenting struggle is due to their own ignorance of normal baby behaviour and a need to conform to an idyllic snapshot of motherhood?

    As a PP said its a matter of a few variables

    IE
    1) parent temperament so GWTF vs rigid/structured
    2)expectations of parenting (huggies commercial vs real life)
    3)child behaviour/needs (high needs/health issues)
    4)support network/partner avail (partners who work away, helpful parents)

    My first two babies were easy babies. My third is more challenging. I truly struggled in her first 8wks. She still is a koala baby but I've adapted my life to that (she wont sleep anywhere but near me ATM). It was made worse by Dh being away plus trying to pack and move in all that.

    So I found 2-3 more difficult because I have/had a koala baby and absent dh. Now I'm doing great tho as its eased a bit.

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  12. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Does anyone feel that parenting was made worse for them because of they expected roses and got thorns instead? Or that their own personalities made parenting harder? As in a need to regain control ?

    I'm trying to phrase this as best I can without offending anyone.
    .
    Yes - with hindsight I was totally unprepared for what parenthood would be like. Minimal prior exposure to young kids didn't help.. And yes I think my tendency to be organised and in control didn't gel well with that

    And you did a good job with the phrasing - no offence taken

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  14. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Does anyone feel that parenting was made worse for them because of they expected roses and got thorns instead? Or that their own personalities made parenting harder? As in a need to regain control ?

    I'm trying to phrase this as best I can without offending anyone.

    Do the parents who struggled with parenting feel that part of their parenting struggle is due to their own ignorance of normal baby behaviour and a need to conform to an idyllic snapshot of motherhood?

    As a PP said its a matter of a few variables

    IE
    1) parent temperament so GWTF vs rigid/structured
    2)expectations of parenting (huggies commercial vs real life)
    3)child behaviour/needs (high needs/health issues)
    4)support network/partner avail (partners who work away, helpful parents)

    .
    Yeah everything you mention. All of it! I'm not sure it's ignorance of normal baby behaviour though. I agree every time I see you write that it's normal for babies to wake and to want mum close etc. I think it then comes down to the personality / physical and mental needs of the parent as to how they then feel about those behaviours and subsequently if they do anything about it.

    Or even if I knew just how hard it was to get babies to go to sleep (yep I literally had NO clue it was a thing that babies needed help to go to sleep), I'd still react the same as it wasn't until I became a parent that I realised how badly I cope with sleep deprivation. That would have been the case whether I expected that or not.

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  16. #49
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    I don't think anything prepares you for basically completely giving yourself to someone else 24hrs day.

    You go from doing whatever you wish to only doing what is best for the baby.

    I was used to little kids. I was ok with the wakings and the poo. Nothing prepared me so the self doubt or isolation that comes with being a parent.

    I love being a parent. But it's certainly not easy. I have a two year age gap, work full time and I'm a solo mum. I don't have things nailed but we're all still alive and happy.

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  18. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    . I don't have things nailed but we're all still alive and happy.
    Love it

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