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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Interesting R&A&H....

    I also found going outside on excursions was a sanity maker. The only thing is I found getting out the door to start with sometimes difficult. Maybe I was trying to do too much before leaving (tidy, hang washing etc). And *sometimes* going out could be difficult when my eldest played up.

    Great idea cooking dinner overnight for the next day. Unfortunately my ds1 couldn't be trusted to play outside by his own (breaking things, throwing things over the fence, annoying the neighbors dogs etc).

    When did you get your alone/down/rest time? Or did you feel you didn't need much?

    Which leads me to another side-bar: what factors impact how much someone enjoys/is stressed by motherhood in the early days/finds the transition from 1 to 2 kids easy vs difficult ? Eg
    - sleep
    - temperament of children (youngest and eldest)
    - any special needs of either children
    - family support
    - need for alone time
    - lack of access to friends
    - exposure to young children prior to having ones own (eg from large family with many younger siblings)
    - helpful partner
    - partner away a lot
    - feeling the need to 'keep' house (self imposed pressure)
    - underlying medical conditions
    - extent to which someone is happy to go with the flow
    - looking at the past through Rose colored glasses (pun not intended). Eg I thought my eldest was a breeze when he was a bub but then when I read some old Facebook poss .... We definitely had our moments.
    My eldest is a gem. Kind and loving. She just used to potter around me playing with her dolly. Completely non destructive. I'm very proud of her. I didn't have her in CC when on maternity leave.

    I'd often hand out washing at 8-9pm for the next day so I could l be out the door by 7/7.30am. .

    What alone/down time?? Most parents of newborns don't have much if any down time. My down time were my walks. Headphones in ears and kids in pram. Once the baby was about 4-6mths old I got more alone time at the gym.

    I napped with the kids on my bed. I've never been restricted to a schedule/rules so that's probably why I found it easier. I have never been focused on getting my baby to sleep independently in their bed. Quite frankly I don't care where they sleep as long as they sleep with no crying or distress.

    I'm an army wife. So dh is all over the place if in the same state/city.

    I have friends. They visited me. Or I visited them.

    My house has always been neat/tidy/washing up to date. We use cloth nappies so that's an extra 3-4 washes a week. I'd rather have less sleep and a clean house. My kids have been taught from a young age to pack up/tidy their things.

    No medical conditions.

    Yes I'm a go with the flow. That's probably why I managed quite well. Yes I had awful days. I remember walking both girls in the pram to sleep at 2am around our suburb as dd1 went thru this stupid phase of not sleeping. So every nap and bedtime I had to walk her to sleep. So I was out there pacing at all odd hours. Went on for 3mths!!! But she got over that.

    In no way my awful days outnumbered my good days. I do not regret my 2 under 2...

  2. #12
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    I have bigger age gaps including a school run and daycare run and most days i think itd be easier without that said school run

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PinkPopsicle For This Useful Post:

    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (08-04-2016),VicPark  (08-04-2016)

  4. #13
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    DD was a breeze.

    Normal nerves of omg she's sick etc. she had reflux etc. but nothing like DS. 10 months apart.

    I got pre natal depression and felt oustated is that even a word? Because I got preg before everyone else in my Dig. I didn't feel welcomed etc. maybe I'm over sensitive I'm not sure but friendships changed (very close ones). I was lonely and worried my whole pregnancy thinking WTF am I going to do.

    I sent DD childcare 2x week as per VP advice actually before DS arrived. Then he got sick I pulled her out due to anxieties (plus not sure what was wrong!)

    Spent first month in hospital. I don't remember it. It's honestly a blur. I mentally block it out.

    DH got fired, we moved, we moved back.

    I do washing use dryer yep even in summer sometimes because I'm that tired (I know Eco people gonna hate on me).

    I cook easy food eg grilled chicken salad, slow cooker etc. but I think the first 6 months we actually had take away I'm not exaggerating. DD adjusting to having DS. DS was such a horrible baby returning home from hospital NEVER slept.

    Playgroup didn't work for me with a second/mothers group I found as lots were for 'new mums'. Not really second time mums? Haha. So I just shove kids in pram walk and try and enjoy my day. I pack the kids bottles blankets whatever buy a coffee screw house work and when they sleep then clean. Esp because DD was crawling while Hugo was feeding things like that was a night mare 😂

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    VicPark  (08-04-2016)

  6. #14
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    Gosh I think it must be really hard in some ways to have an easier child first and then a more challenging one second, you wouldn't know what's hit you.

    My ds is def "spirited" and between 1 and 2+ he could get out of every restraint, work out every baby proof device, he would climb everything constantly, needed and still does lots of things during the day to keep him mentally stimulated as well as piles of physical activity. I can't imagine handling a newborn with him younger than he is now, so I take my hat off to you ladies with small age gaps!

    I guess it really does depend on your children as to how hard the jump from 1-2 is.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (08-04-2016),sunnygirl79  (07-04-2016),VicPark  (08-04-2016)

  8. #15
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    This thread is awesome. You ladies are all awesome. That is all 😳

  9. #16
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    Omg @cheeeeesecake. I teared up reading your post. What a tough time that must have been! I hope things are A LOT better for you and bub now.

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    cheeeeesecake  (08-04-2016),HeavenBlue  (08-04-2016),VicPark  (08-04-2016)

  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustJaq View Post
    Omg @cheeeeesecake. I teared up reading your post. What a tough time that must have been! I hope things are A LOT better for you and bub now.
    Yes this!

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    cheeeeesecake  (08-04-2016)

  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustJaq View Post
    Omg @cheeeeesecake. I teared up reading your post. What a tough time that must have been! I hope things are A LOT better for you and bub now.
    Thankyou so much. It was the most difficult time of my entire life! Luckily baby #2 got better over time, and baby #3 came along & was healthy & well, & it has been really easy.

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    JustJaq  (08-04-2016),VicPark  (08-04-2016)

  15. #19
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    Yep I've definitely found the transition from 1-2 harder than 0-1. My age gap is 19 months. Things that made it easier-
    Ds1 being pretty independent so although he has become more clingy as time has passed I didn't have to worry or feel too guilty at the start as he was happy getting attention from others.
    Having my mum come to stay for the first 3 weeks. Living on the other side of the world from all our family is hard so I really appreciated the extra support at the start especially as I did have more baby blues with ds2.
    Not knowing much different in terms of support and time to myself etc. Didn't live near family when I had ds1 so I've never had the opportunity to use family for babysitting or help when needed. So now I have 2 I still don't have time to myself or help but it's not so different to before.
    Things I've found hard-
    Ds2 temperament. For first 12 weeks he screamed a lot. Classic colic so I would spend hours walking around with him in a carrier. Also having a toddler meant taking him along too which was harder as had to find things to keep him busy too. Now ds2 is 9 months and he's a clingy koala, doesn't sleep, screams a lot when tired which tends to be most of the time as he doesn't sleep so I find myself being pretty stressed and tired most of the time. Even without a toddler to look after too. Would never have considered having a second so soon had this monster been our first baby.
    Although I've said having no time to myself is not new I still find that part of parenthood really hard. Having to ask DH if I can have a shower during the day so he can look after the babies rather than shower when they are in bed makes me feel like an oppressed housewife at times. Of course he doesn't mind and it's the same for going out to hairdressers for example but it just really bugs me that I have to ask and schedule time for myself.
    I think the hardest thing for me by far is realising that I don't think I'm cut out to be a mother. Yes I can keep the kids clean and healthy but I've always had very little patience and when I'm tired and stressed it gets pushed to the limit. I often shout and get cross at my toddler for stupid things that really are not his fault he's just being a normal challenging toddler, but I just can't help myself. I have never put a number on how many kids I thought I would have but now I know I could never cope with more than 2. I would just be a stressed out wreck and don't think I would be a nice mother.

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to nh2489 For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (08-04-2016)

  17. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Yes I'm a go with the flow. That's probably why I managed quite well. Yes I had awful days. I remember walking both girls in the pram to sleep at 2am around our suburb as dd1 went thru this stupid phase of not sleeping. So every nap and bedtime I had to walk her to sleep. So I was out there pacing at all odd hours. Went on for 3mths!!! But she got over that.

    ...
    Why do you think you're a go with the flow person?Did you have exposure to a lot of kids growing up? Large family? Looked after nieces/siblings etc? Is the go-with-the flow part of your cultural background?

    It sounds like we (parents on BH) all had similarly crappy days and periods. Just that for some of us the bad smells stay around for a little longer. Not saying either way is good or bad and I bet there are complicated social and psychological factors behind each..


 

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