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  1. #11
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    hi everyone. We are ok. I have not yet forgiven him for what he has done, but we are going to work it out. I know what he did was cheating and a lot of people won't forgive another for that but i feel 15 years is too long of a time to through away on a silly mistake.
    Thanks everyone for you support. I hope i am not back here later writing that ti should have walked!

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    mummymaybe  (08-04-2016)

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    Hey op. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you are talking and wanted to remind you that it is your marriage, not society's. Separate or stay together, but do what is right for you and your kids.

    I'm not sure if I missed this being said, but please be sure that he is screened for STDs prior to any intimacy with him.

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    TheGooch  (08-04-2016)

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    Good advice SPG, std check is super important and very true that it is your decision and nobody else's.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I'm sorry to hear this. I seem to have a minority view on infidelity on BH, so will keep my thoughts to myself. Just wanted to say I know how hurt you must be, and you don't have to decide anything right now.

    Also, the truth is that no one has a perfect life, no matter how it appears. Most of us are just muddling through. I am very private and understand not wanting to open up to your friends - perhaps counselling might help you unpack how you're feeling?

    I hope you're ok. And pizza and movies with the kids sounds like an amazing idea :-)
    I don't think your on your own harvs. There are many many reasons (or situations? I can't find the right word) it happens. It's a very personal decision to make and while some people just can't forgive infidelity, and in a lot of cases they shouldn't, others can given the stars aligning the right way, the guilty party willing to do whatever etc etc. With a lot of hard work from both parties it can sometimes be something that can be worked through. You can forgive but you can't forget. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. You can never forget.

    Fwiw dp and I have been through infidelity and survived. The work involved from both of us was so very hard but it forces honesty, openness and transparency within a relationship.

    Don't feel forced into ending things with him. Don't feel forced to stay with him. Do what you feel is the right thing for you. Not what's right for the family. Not what's right for the kids, because they are able to adapt. Do what's right for you.

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    Albert01  (08-04-2016)

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    I think physical infidelity and emotional infidelity are two different things, with physical being much more forgivable. I think since he told you about this he either is remorseful and wants your forgiveness to build a future again, or he's telling you because he wants you to leave him.
    Look after your kids, and yourself first!

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    DT75  (11-04-2016)

  10. #16
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    So it has been a few days since hubby's return and i will be honest and say things are a little tough for me atleast. I am beginning to doubt my decision to stay and to try and work things out.
    I feel a little uncomfortable when he cuddles me at night and just cant stop the whole ordeal from playing out in my mind. I am determined to give it a good shot but i am not prepared to exhust myself to do it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lisaandshaun View Post
    So it has been a few days since hubby's return and i will be honest and say things are a little tough for me atleast. I am beginning to doubt my decision to stay and to try and work things out.
    I feel a little uncomfortable when he cuddles me at night and just cant stop the whole ordeal from playing out in my mind. I am determined to give it a good shot but i am not prepared to exhust myself to do it.
    Tell him.

    I have been through similar and I made certain he knew we were starting from the beginning- no physical or other intimacy until trust is built.

    I couldn't even hold his hand for 3 months!

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    Quote Originally Posted by lisaandshaun View Post
    So it has been a few days since hubby's return and i will be honest and say things are a little tough for me atleast. I am beginning to doubt my decision to stay and to try and work things out.
    I feel a little uncomfortable when he cuddles me at night and just cant stop the whole ordeal from playing out in my mind. I am determined to give it a good shot but i am not prepared to exhust myself to do it.


    I think you'll find after something like that the feelings of betrayal and anger will take quite a while to lessen. Would your DH be willing to get some couples counselling? It might help you to get your feelings out, work through the issues and then enable you to decide what's best for you?


 

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