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  1. #1
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    Default DS kissing girls in preschool

    My 4.5yr old told DH a "secret" on Tuesday, he said that a girl at preschool kissed him on the lips. He seemed to think it was something he couldn't tell me because I would get angry. DH doesn't think it's a big deal and I'm not really sure how I feel about it or whether there's anything I need to do. Eventually DS told me about it and he seemed embarrassed but also excited about it. I told him that he shouldn't try to kiss anyone at preschool but he said that SHE kissed him (on the lips). Would you do anything? What would you tell your son?

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    This happened to my DS last year. The difference is that she asked him to kiss her. He told me he kissed the little girl. We had a long chat about kissing and that it was reserved for family. That hugs were okay but kissing not. We also followed up with his Kindy teachers. They reinforced to the whole Kindy group that kissing was inappropriate. They also worked to separate DS and the girl (she was always touching him etc). Fortunately it was close to holidays and that helped cool the situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Truffle View Post
    This happened to my DS last year. The difference is that she asked him to kiss her. He told me he kissed the little girl. We had a long chat about kissing and that it was reserved for family. That hugs were okay but kissing not. We also followed up with his Kindy teachers. They reinforced to the whole Kindy group that kissing was inappropriate. They also worked to separate DS and the girl (she was always touching him etc). Fortunately it was close to holidays and that helped cool the situation.
    Thanks for your reply! That's a good idea, I'll talk to him about kissing only being for family, and I also want to talk to him about personal space. It's just so young to start kissing, I feel like some of his innocence has been stolen from him.

    I'm not sure how I feel about bringing it up with the kindy, we have already had a number of issues with the childcare that has taken time to work through and resolve. But I really like the centre and the people, I don't want to create more tension. Is this the wrong way to look at it?

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    Default DS kissing girls in preschool

    Just a quick update: I asked DS how his day was today and he said it was good but that he didn't get any kisses because that girl wasn't there today. I told him that kissing is ok to do when it's with family like mummy, daddy and his brother, but it's not good to do at kindy. He said "yeah and also kissing has germs" and so I jumped on that and said "yes lots of germs so you shouldn't kiss anyone at kindy" (we call preschool "kindy"). Also DH said he is happy to mention this to the room leader.

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    Just another thought; maybe reinforce that it's perfectly fine to like showing affection to your friends, but there are other ways to do that, and run through some ideas?

    I remember kissing a friend of mine when I was 3 or 4, and the adults just thought it was cute..took a photo if I remember correctly.

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    I think the room leader would probably like to know about it so they can keep on eye on it. I can't imagine that they would be happy with 4 year olds in their care kissing. It was probably only a peak but not something you want to encourage so young!

    I personally wouldn't jump on the germ aspect too much. Definitely worth mentioning but don't want to make them paranoid about kissing when the time is right! But you know what your son will respond to best 😊

    We keep having conversations around personal boundaries and who is appropriate to kiss etc.

    Good luck!

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    I'm not sure whether it should be a big deal or not, but if DS was a bit shy about telling you, I'd be playing it down and not make too much of it. I'd be a bit cautious about making it taboo because as he gets older, you want him to be able to talk with you about this stuff.

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    witherwings  (08-04-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cdro View Post
    I'm not sure whether it should be a big deal or not, but if DS was a bit shy about telling you, I'd be playing it down and not make too much of it. I'd be a bit cautious about making it taboo because as he gets older, you want him to be able to talk with you about this stuff.
    Yes I thought this too - I was very careful not to make it sound like he did something wrong. I even said "it's very nice when someone likes you isn't it?" And "you're not in trouble Noah, you didn't do anything wrong". But I said that kissing is not for kindy, it's only for family. I think he is at the age now where that's enough information for him to understand that he shouldn't kiss at preschool and as he gets older he will learn more about the birds and the bees and it won't be taboo.

    We have talked before about not touching other people and not letting people touch you, unless you're hugging a friend. He is a big hugger and so is his little brother. It's such a mine field with kids, you want to teach them about stranger danger and protect them from being abused but you don't want them to be scared of the world around them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    Just another thought; maybe reinforce that it's perfectly fine to like showing affection to your friends, but there are other ways to do that, and run through some ideas?

    I remember kissing a friend of mine when I was 3 or 4, and the adults just thought it was cute..took a photo if I remember correctly.
    We encourage hugging a lot, and he is always telling people that they are his "best friend". I think he's quite an affectionate boy. I just didn't expect kissing so soon!


 

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