Dss has a party with school friends, then cake with the family.
Ds and dd will be having parties with both family and friends until they go to kinder and make their own school friends. Our close friends that are invited know how crazy both our families are and know to ignore them or call them out if they're being rude. If the family try to take over da and dd I just remove the child and hand them to someone else. Dh and I just mingle as we please.