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  1. #11
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    We have 3 and I am so done. I don't want more at all. Dh agrees with me, but if I told him I wanted a fourth he would be all over it. He has agreed to get the snip, but mostly because he knows that I am very sure and the chance of me changing my mind is basically nil. I should say though, he is happy to stick with 3 and will say we are very lucky to have 3 amazing kids and won't regret not having another.

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    Phony  (06-04-2016)

  3. #12
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    For your third did you want Bub, him or mutual?

    I dunno I guess right now I'm hounding hubby for a baby but I know it's not right so in say 3 years yes it will be. I would happily carry a baby for DH if financially stable for child, mentally etc) I mean I don't have support but I am hoping to get a nanny or au pair because that's what it's coming down too. My DH is hands on. But our marriage lacks romance etc... IMO 42 is still young

  4. #13
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    At the end of the day if you're done, you're done. A child is for life. It's not like getting a puppy where you can say 'you train it, exercise it and clean up after it, it's not my dog.' It is your child and you have to be committed to raising that child for the rest of his or her life.
    My DH and I agreed on when we were done, but I know my dad would have had more kids, but he let my mum decide as she was the one who had to be pregnant (which she hated), give birth, and was the one who stayed home with us. My dad was a great dad to us, but he recognised that he wasn't the main parent and that it was unfair to ask my mum to take on more than she was willing.
    In these circumstances, there is no compromising and at 42 you can't 'wait and see how you feel in 5 years.' So, Ikf it were me I would be letting my DH down gently but clearly, and then supporting him through any grief. I would ask them to not continue asking, though...as I think it's really unfair to harrass someone to have a child when they don't want one.
    Good luck, OP.

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    Phony  (06-04-2016)

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    For your third did you want Bub, him or mutual?
    It was more me at the time but he wasn't hard to convince.
    Then we miscarried and there was a time of uncertainty (just whether we could take the grief of another miscarriage really) but the clock was ticking for me. I was fast approaching 40 and it was my cut off so we gave it another shot and DD came alone.

    I think he's OK with not having another, he's sensible.
    He's just letting me know if it happened he wouldn't be tearing his hair out with another mouth to feed. I hope so anyway, he hasn't brought it up again so I will have to prod to get some answers.

    It's just the complete opposite to the little jokes we'd have all year or looks we'd give each other when new babies or families of 4+ kids passed us - that kind of 'NO WAY! I'd die! I couldn't do it!' kind of look
    It's like he's completely forgotten how hard it's been.
    My back is broke, there's no way in hell I could do another pregnancy, I gain 30 kilos each time no matter what I eat.
    And I'm short. I lose it again but it's a huge stress on my body.
    I haven't got another one in me :/

  7. #15
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    I suspect it could be a mid life thing. I'm 40 and going through the process of accepting (or trying to) that we're done with babies. A big part of it has been leaving that stage of life, which in turn sort of forces you to face your own mortality. While sleepless nights make me feel old, having a young child makes me feel young - ditto my regular cycle telling me I'm nowhere near menopause yet. I agree with PP, you need to be firm but gentle in insisting you are done then support him through the grief he may experience.

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    Phony  (06-04-2016)

  9. #16
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    This was my hubby, he felt he wasn't done, we had two beautiful girls but he longed for a boy! After me dragging my heels for 3.5 years I gave in! In October 2014 arrived Curtis! He completed us!! 3 months later hubby got the snip!

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    Phony  (07-04-2016)

  11. #17
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    Aww, that's lovely, joalisha.
    We had two boys and a girl, the addition of a beautiful little daughter was just the icing on the cake and exactly that, a feeling of completion.
    When we look at her we really wonder how we ever lived without her.

  12. #18
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    Would it be horrible to suggest leaving hubby "in tact" and going on birth control?

    Or would that be the same thing to him?

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    Phony  (07-04-2016)

  14. #19
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    I'm kind of digging me heels in about that.
    I took the pill from 17 til 33 yrs of age so I don't want any kind of hormonal birth control. I think it's fantastic when you absolutely do NOT want children but I think the side effects, the trial and errors of finding a pill to suit, the moods, the weight gain and risks of blood clots for someone my age with three dependants just aren't worth it to me.

    Plus 3 pregnancies, two miscarriages and all that came with it, nope.
    It's his turn now and the procedure is more or less straight forward with no issues or side effects.
    He just needs to get his head around it because there's been no action and there won't be any action until he does because I know what would happen and I don't want to ever be in a position of having to consider a termination, especially after losing two naturally.

    So, a long answer to a sort question there.

  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    I'm kind of digging me heels in about that.
    I took the pill from 17 til 33 yrs of age so I don't want any kind of hormonal birth control. I think it's fantastic when you absolutely do NOT want children but I think the side effects, the trial and errors of finding a pill to suit, the moods, the weight gain and risks of blood clots for someone my age with three dependants just aren't worth it to me.

    Plus 3 pregnancies, two miscarriages and all that came with it, nope.
    It's his turn now and the procedure is more or less straight forward with no issues or side effects.
    He just needs to get his head around it because there's been no action and there won't be any action until he does because I know what would happen and I don't want to ever be in a position of having to consider a termination, especially after losing two naturally.

    So, a long answer to a sort question there.
    My attitude is 100% the same as yours with regard to it being his turn now! We use condoms and I'm open to 3rd for us, so different in that respect. But even so, I just refuse to go through hormone hell again - the only pill that slightly agrees with me is the one with the highest risk of thrombosis and breast cancer. After 2CS births, a natural miscarriage and a D&C for MMC - its his jolly turn to have some pain!

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    Phony  (08-04-2016)


 

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