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  1. #1
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    Default Old article on prejudice against sahm

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentis...mment-28149732

    This made me cry this morning though I'm sure I've read it before. I think partly that it rings too true and partly the comments - well the few I had time to read while rushing my breakfast inbetween making lunches and getting kids ready for school all the while feeling guilty that my toddler is watching tv while I'm reading...
    Does anyone else feel like me?? I never wanted to leave my kids with strangers but I had no idea the effect staying home for this long (8 years) would have on me. Sometimes I feel totally ostracised from society. Actually I think I wouldn't care if it was just narrow minded strangers who felt like this towards sahm's but I get it from friends. They all admit they need to work for their own sanity but still stick in those snide comments about how lucky I am that we can afford for me not to work and when I try and talk about needing to do something else offer ideas like me getting a job in a supermarket. No offence to anyone who does this job, I have before and I would have no issue with that if we needed the money but I've 2 degrees, I'm looking for mental stimulation and I know they would never do that role but it's ok for me cus I decided to stay home and not work...
    Ugh sorry ugly rant over...

  2. #2
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    I haven't read the article or the comments. I am having a good day and have nice things planned so I am not going to open that can of worms.

    But I have heard it all from friends, family, hubbers and randoms. Being a long term stay at home mum is something that not all people can or want to do. It brings great rewards for those of us who are blessed enough to be able to do it. I have sacrificed a huge amount to do it. Because it is that important to me.
    Don't let other pull you down if it is what you want to do.

  3. #3
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    Default Old article on prejudice against sahm

    This is what I've learned from my nearly 11 years with kids. I'm currently working part time but have had stints of staying at home too.

    Other people's opinions can only get to me when I'm feeling unhappy in my choice at the time. I'm currently happy with my balance so when I get back handed comments about working I couldn't give a rats. But when the kids are sick and I've missed stuff for school the comments get to me.

    Same with when I'm at home. If i'm truly happy in my choice then I don't care about other people's opinions.

    I'm in agreement with loveliveshere on this. If you are happy with your decision to stay at home who cares what a million other people think?
    Last edited by Sonja; 04-04-2016 at 08:21.

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  5. #4
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    I think it can be both being unhappy in myself or a comment coming from someone close to me.

    I find if a comment comes put of the blue from someone I love it hurts more than anything. Even when I am happy as Larry. So for me it's about the relationship than how happy I am with my desicion to stay home

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    OP, (I haven't read the article or comments) I've only been at home (with the exception of a 3 week period where I went back to work FT) for less than 17 months, and I get where you're coming from. If I'm going back to work, it's to make sure I am having enough mental stimulation - critical thinking, analysis, complex problem solving, dispute resolution - to keep me feeling normal. Working in retail or hospitality wouldn't give me the type of mental stimulation that would make working worth it.

    Not sure if this is your sort of thing, but I find when I need "something else", I have a tendency to (try to) write. I say try to, because it's been a long time since I've written anything decent. But I find it gives me an escape, and lets me think in a totally different way. You create characters and then have to analyse whether what you have them do or say is in keeping with their character, you create and solve problems on a variety of scales. And it's time just for you.
    Or maybe choose something that interests you, and start researching. Write an essay on it if you want - there are heaps of emagazines and websites that may look at publishing it if you feel like you want to take it that far.

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    Default Old article on prejudice against sahm

    Haven't read the article but I know the feeling of being a working mum and a sahm. Both are the worst mum in the world and should be doing the opposite. I went back to full time shift work when my eldest was born and I was horrible for letting other people raise him. I have stayed home since pregnant with my second (nearly 5 years ago) and now I'm a lazy good-for-nothing.
    I'm lucky where I live now, apart from one woman on my street, everyone else says what a good job I do etc.
    Our little school has canteen on Tuesday's and Thursday's. I am there both days, every week (often on my own) as I run it and am in charge of it. I really enjoy it and it's something I couldn't do if I worked. I also head up the preschool committee and am an active member on the youth centre committee. I am currently going through my applications for SES, RFS and volunteer ambulance officer (we don't have paramedics out where I am, volunteers get trained up and do the job). These are all things I could not do if I worked. They are all volunteer so have a lot more flexibility than working (I.e if I can't get there due to kids being sick etc, it's not the end of the world).
    Being a sahm, I also have the ability to run up to the school at a moments notice if a child is ill or if my special needs child is having problems.
    I feel absolutely blessed that I have the ability to volunteer for all these things and be around my children if they need me. We discussed me going back to work, not for the money but for the stimulus, but it just wasn't right for us at all and I get plenty in other ways.
    Being a sahm is not just sitting around eating junk and watching trash telly like some people seem to think. Just as working doesn't mean you are neglecting your children because you don't like them, as some others tend to think. Everyone is just doing what they think is best for their own family. If the people who say crap to you about it, can't understand that, then they aren't really worth talking to.

    And a very important lesson I have learned: DO NOT read comments on controversial articles. Ever!!

    ETA: my kids are 6, 4, 3 and 2. The 6yo goes to school. The 4 and 3yo are in preschool 3 days a week and the 2yo is with me 24/7 so he tags along to all my things I have to go to. If it's out of school hours, they all come or if it's a Monday or Friday, I'll have the youngest 3 with me.
    Last edited by Ahalfdozen; 04-04-2016 at 13:18.

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  10. #7
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    I think these things hurt today because I've got bad pmt! But also I'm not committed to it. It's not that I chose to be a sahm but rather I didn't want strangers looking after my kids. I think if I'd lived near my family my mum might've had the kids once a week or so and I could've kept in the workforce until they started school. Or maybe just having family around I would've felt supported and not get so lonely and feel alienated from friends with jobs? It's probably more this feeling of being stuck, not having any control over my time. My friend was here yesterday and chatting to dp at one point about work issues. The risk of not being able to find another job in the face of uncertainty. I tried to make a point about my hurdles with being out for so long and they both just dismissed me. Like I had no place to comment because we didn't rely on my salary. I get that it's much more serious if they had to look for new employment but this was my best friend shutting me out of the conversation like I was a little child trying to understand the adult world. I should say the night before I'd tried to talk to dp about the frustrations trying to research study ideas - getting it right so I can find a job, fitting it in when we've no childcare and the course I wanted has no indicative timetable etc. Just chat about it. He just turned the tv on. So I was hoping to chat to this good friend but never had a chance and then their job chat happened.

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    At what point will you be ok with "strangers" looking after your child? There are so many studies about the benefits of 3 year old kindy for example. Would you send your child to that?

    I get the no support and no one around. We're in the same boat. But there have been so many threads on here where people have made so many suggestions about things you could do either alone or with your youngest in tow.

    I had to make the decision years ago to either make peace with my choices or change them. So I changed them.

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  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    At what point will you be ok with "strangers" looking after your child? There are so many studies about the benefits of 3 year old kindy for example. Would you send your child to that?

    I get the no support and no one around. We're in the same boat. But there have been so many threads on here where people have made so many suggestions about things you could do either alone or with your youngest in tow.

    I had to make the decision years ago to either make peace with my choices or change them. So I changed them.
    My eldest did 1 day a week from 20mths. In hindsight this was not good for her. My middle child the same but he's more resilient. I love preschool and 100% sending my youngest when she is 3 and actually looking into fdc for her when she turns 2. So I guess for me it's the first 2-3 years. And then only 2 days a week until 4. I did do some study when my older kids were at daycare. We didn't plan on #3 so I used those 12 hrs of preschool to do all the housework etc so we had our weekends free for family with plan to find vocational course when ds started school. Then dd2 came along... I guess my point was that I didn't really chose this path I wanted me and dp to share cc but he said his work couldn't be done part time.
    I do get out all the time with dd2; I still feel lonely because I've no family or sahm friends and I miss that connection I had with dp when we both worked and he didn't just see me as the housekeeper and my friends while they took time out of work. You seem irritated by my vents. Mostly I just get on with things but sometimes they get on top of me and come to bub hub hoping that someone might get where I'm coming from. You are obviously a much stronger person than me, if my posts irritate you just don't read them. I'm not intending to waste anyone's time.

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    @Freyamum

    I agree with @Sonja. When will be OK with 'strangers' looking after your children?

    Realistically you will struggle to find time to work/study unless you work on those feelings. Even if you only work nights/weekends (shift work is always an option) so the kids are always home with dad... you will lose out on family time. On couple time.

    I'm in an industry that has shift work. But I'd rather put my kids into daycare 1-2 days a week and keep my evenings and most of my weekends for my family.


 

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