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    Default Adopted, now an adult facing more rejection

    ....
    Last edited by monroe78; 05-04-2016 at 13:03.

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    ange1111  (04-04-2016)

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    Must be so hard. My partner was in foster care his whole childhood and has chosen not to find/meet his family. I think it may also be related to fear.

    I think if I were in your place, I'd put in a really good effort. Make the first move and after a set amount of time if they still weren't reciprocating I'd concentrate on my own life.

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    Default Adopted, now an adult facing more rejection

    Hi.. I couldn't read and run. I'm very sorry you're going through this. I wasn't adopted but raised by a single parent who broke my trust at 5 years old. She put her love interest before her duty of care to protect me. I was also repeatedly manipulated to 'her side' rather than to a father I was kept hidden from till he found me at 22. It's been huge getting over it. I love her but hate who she is equally. Having my own DD brought it all to the surface. I've gone through counselling and have come out the other side stronger. I've learnt to keep working on loving myself and appreciating the people in my life that DO care in the right way snd make me feel happy and wanted... And at peace: I'm still painfully insecure tho and fear social exclusion all the time.

    I also made the decision to stop communicating with my mother in Dec. it's very hard but I'm not stressed out by it. All my anger towards her is kept at bay. I'm not saying stop talking to your family but it may be worth directing your attention elsewhere. Enjoy your friends, hobbies, partner if you have one and learn to love yourself so it doesn't sting as much. Big hugs, I know how disenchanting family can be.. Xxx

    Ps.. Have you considered counselling?

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    ange1111  (04-04-2016),Mamasupial  (02-04-2016),monroe78  (02-04-2016)

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    Thank you so much everyone. So sorry to also hear of your heartbreaking childhoods.
    I have thought of going back to counselling, i havent been since i was a teenager, so could no doubt help.

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    I'm adopted and the reunion phase is horrible.

    I struggle with rejection and abandonment issues a lot. I have an older sister and two younger siblings. The younger two don't know I exist, yet the entire town knows I exist

    A lot of counsellors and psychologists are only just learning the best way to help adoptees. There are a few organisations that have counsellors/psychologists/social workers that specialise in issues arising from adoption. Other professionals can do additional harm just from lack of understanding.

    If you google post adoption support and your state there should be someone who can help.

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    @munroe oh goodness darling that is so full on. Life can be so tough cant it. Have you got people you can talk it all out with? I totally understand how you feel. You know what - social media can be sooooo damaging and mostly FAKE - its not real connections happening on there. We are all craving real deep connections. You are not alone. And remember - they are younger, they have no idea how it must be for you. Have you ever been really vulnerable and told them how it was/is?

    And, when you feel lighter again, remember it is a story. Could you try and change a part of it - so much easier from the outside to do! EG. For some unknown reason you were in that situation - you would have learnt so much - resilience, understanding, empathy, compassion etc which makes you such an incredible human now.

    Anyways, sending you a bug hug

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    monroe78  (04-04-2016)

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    hi monroe78. I have no experience but I want to give you a hug. We all know how life is supposed to be, babies are supposed to be loved and wanted and looked after. Families are supposed to stay together, and everything is supposed to be wonderful. It is just such a shame that life is not so perfect for a huge number of people. I just want to say, your life has not been good so far, but that doesn't mean it has to stay not good. give your family a little while to get used to you and see if there is some improvement, in real life, not what you see on facebook. If there is no connection, drop them. Look after yourself, and your own family, try to not waste time with people who don't care about you. hugs, marie.

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    I was adopted out and my birth mother kept my older sister and younger brother. I quite often as a child/ teenager felt rejected. I still have rejection issues with friends and job interviews but also now realise that in my situation I was not so much rejected but she wanted a better life for me that she couldn't provide at the time.

    Now as an adult I have found my biological family ( not my father) and they have welcomed me with open arms. I was never a secret to them and everyone knew about me. My problem is is that it is a taboo topic with my adoptive parents. We do not talk about them nor my meetings with them.

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