I've been a younger mum at 28 and an older mum at 38. I personally handled it better being older, but that's just my experience. I think I just enjoy it more. I have more patience as an older mum. That's just my personal opinion. Everyone is going to be different, understandably.
I think age is so different for everyone and a totally valid reason for stopping at a certain number of kids.
Very much the norm now to have kids in your mid 30's but I can understand that if you had kids in your 20's there is a point where you feel age comes into it and you have to set a limit.
I had my first at 32 which took 2+ years of trying and after IVF, multiple losses and a high risk pregnancy I was haggard already by the time he arrived so age really didn't matter. We've got an age limit but for me it would be 39/40. I'm already juggling ageing parents with a toddler which is not easy, but doable right now.
Wow, this thread went off topic fast. I think it's okay for people to have different reasons for not having more, and if age is a factor so be it. I think people got unnecessarily offended there.
OP, only you can make the choice, but finances is a valid thing to factor in. Our whole lifestyle changed with our third child...we stayed home more when they were all babies because it was such an effort going out, my career took I back burner for a while, there's more of the day to day stuff to do, our holidays changed, our car changed, we had less time for ourselves and for each other, and there was more financial stress.
IMO, it doesn't get easier as they get older. There's so much more to be involved in...and now mine are older my house is a revolving door of children. It's not unusual for there to be 7 or 8 kids in my house until 6.30-7pm most days by the time a few neighbourhood kids drop in.
It's important to look beyond the baby years when you're having anotherone I reckon...peoe assume it's easier when they're older, but I agree with CMF that it's harder (in a lot of ways).
I have no regrets...but going from 2-3 challenged us in ways we never expected...and completely changed the way we parent.
Wowsers. This went awry quickly.
OP - I would still say there are lots of hormones involved which is why this is hard. And an unexpected curveball after saying 2 all this time!
For after school etc (and keeping career/work) would a nanny be helpful rather than OOSC? Especially since you will have 3 it may be more cost effective than childcare and/or OOSC.
Have you sat down and done the old pro/cons on paper? And ideas on solutions at the end? How on board is hubby?
Also as an aside, age and babies are a big deal to ME. I am 'young' at 29 (turning 30 in a month). I wanted all my babies before 30.
Why? For ME I was/am worried about health. I was/am worried about how difficult pregnancy was/is on me. I even was/am worried about when I can retire etc if I was older when I had children. Yes, oh so selfish of me.
This does not a big deal to a lot of people but it is to ME. And my family.
Please stop dragging someone over the coals about their fears and decisions when it comes to their situation and family. They certainly did not say being an older parent is a bad thing. Just that it does not suit them.
I always find these topics interesting! I agree you should wait until after 4 months at least (post post-baby and post 4 month sleep regression to see how you feel.
For me I'm happy with 2. To have another would be (based on our average) 3 months TTC, 9 months pregnant, 12 months before Bub (hopefully) sleeps through, that's another 2 years to get to some form of normality. Then a year after that terrible 2, then a threenager, then a f*cking 4s, it's another 7 years (on top of the 4 already gone since DD was born) before getting to the point in my life I'm looking forward to.
In other words, if I could close my eyes and wake up in 7 years time once I had three kids in primary school, I would totally be up for another baby and having 3 children.... However that's not possible (damn it!) and I'm not mentally or physically (at 32) prepared to go through that.
So I think you need to think of what life would be like at every stage - TTC, pregnancy, labour, establishing breastfeeding / having a newborn, a 1 year old, 2 year old, 3 year old, 4 year old, primary school child, teenager..... In addition to your other 2 children (thinking about your mental health, physical health, finances, quality of life / lifestyle), not just the emotional side imagining what it would be like to have a squishy, cuddly baby for a year.
Good luck in your decision!
I have 2 girls (5 & almost 2) and I'm 35 on Sunday. I'm umming and ahhing over a third. Dh would love more.
I find 2 incredibly hard at times and we would have to get a bigger car etc.
I love children tho so struggle with the finality of being done.
I'm going to wait to see how I feel in a year or two but I do realise the clock is ticking. There are increased risks with having children after 35 which I'm taking into consideration too. I know for me I would not have been an as good mother in my 20s so glad I waited till 29 for my first. That's just me tho. I had a lot of growing up to do.
If circumstances were different then my life would be different...but as it turns out we were finished our family by our mid twenties, and we absolutely don't want to be having babies at 35. We have friends who were 37 and 40 when they had their first...we're both in the same parts of parenting now, they love that they waited to have babies, we love that we had babies early in life, and no one gets offended by the other's life choices.
Last edited by Full House; 31-03-2016 at 22:29.
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