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  1. #1
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    Default How to make it work with 3 kids...

    I know there are plenty of other similar threads - many of which i have read, discussing pros and cons of a third child. However I am still uncertain! Having just had our second, I am in the newborn honeymoon phase and not making any decisions just yet. But my yearning for a third has come as a total surprise to me I had thought we were well and truly 'done'.
    DH asked me honestly if money wasn't a factor would I want a third, to which I answered yes without question. Which got me thinking, should I be making a decision based in finance alone??

    The thing is I am not really prepared to make major lifestyle sacrifices to have a third, I think I would get depressed and/or resentful. I don't want to change schools (we have chosen private), move house (not that it would make a huge difference in our area) or have 2 full time working parents (at least not until the kids are much older). Money is definitely a consideration.

    We have a large 4 bed + study home, a good sized family car (Kluger). But u an uncertain how to make (my) work 'work' with 3 kids and all their associated school/after school activities drop offs pick ups etc. DH travels a bit for work but we do have MIL close by to help. I would likely need to put my career on hold for the next 5 or so years and worry about how I would get another job after a big break.

    How do I decide? What else should I factor in? Does it even matter?

  2. #2
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    We have three with 0 regrets and debating #4. I've had the same yearning for another within hours/days of a birth.

    The only thing holding us back from #4 is finance. Which a part of me thinks is absolutely idiotic. But it is a valid reason for others including dh.

    Another reason to debate - can you juggle 3 solo? My dh is away very often so I know I can. I also know I could juggle 4 as I am very confident in my parenting skills.

    What worries me is that #4 may not be an as easy pregnancy/labour/child. Let's face it. I'm getting older. I'm 32 this year. Odds are not increasing in my favour. Dh is 34. He flat out refuses to have any kids after he is 35. We will be 50 with a 15yo and 17yo at home if we have another next year (plus a 20&22yo).

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    sunnygirl79  (31-03-2016)

  4. #3
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    So much comes down to the kids you get and the support you have.

    We have 4 kids. I love them dearly. BUT.

    - they are not great sleepers until around 3
    - they are not great eaters
    - they are all quite strong willed type A personalities (like DH and me) and some days with 6 people in the house all with strong personalities it feels like I'm the speaker of parliament not their mum
    - we have zero family help. None. In fact DH is travelling back home frequently to help there due to family illness.
    - 4 kids in private school means we all work. Luckily I love my job but it's a juggle.

    I turn 45 this year and my youngest is only 2 and a half. I'm tired but it's definitely doable even if you are older.

    DH has had the snip. #4 was a surprise after years of IVF and I feel incredibly lucky. But if I ever found out I was expecting another little bundle of *joy* I think I might do myself in!

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    Mokeybear  (31-03-2016),Ngaiz  (31-03-2016),sunnygirl79  (31-03-2016)

  6. #4
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    We just kind of went for it.

    We had small gaps and will go to public schooling so I actually don't think it is *that* much increased expense between 2-3. Until there older that is and my boys are eating me out of house and home, but by that point I'll be working more.

    I was terrified I wouldn't feel done as I didn't after 1 or 2, but basically as soon as I fell pregnant with DS3 I knew he'd be our last. (Glad because DH just had the snip!)

    We have zero regrets and although I get this sadness that I will never give birth again or have a newborn - I know I don't really want to iykwim, I just acknowledge its sad that's over.

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    Hi there , i found it hard, the logistics are trickier with multiple drop offs and pick ups, the youngest one is too little to do some family activities we enjoy, so we try to work around that, it is more expensive re child care and oosh x 3, and my career was stagnant for 5 years, just getting back into it now. I personally find it too challenging to do some activities on my own with all 3 eg going to the beach. So there have been challenges but overall its great lol. You just need to know your limits.

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    sunnygirl79  (31-03-2016)

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    I find three really hard work, and yes expensive.

    Two is nice.

    In saying that though, I didn't feel finished after 2. I definitely did after 3. So I'm not sure if I would've felt content with just 2.
    But if I could do it all over again.... I just think... 2 would be nice.

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  12. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    We have three with 0 regrets and debating #4. I've had the same yearning for another within hours/days of a birth.

    The only thing holding us back from #4 is finance. Which a part of me thinks is absolutely idiotic. But it is a valid reason for others including dh.

    Another reason to debate - can you juggle 3 solo? My dh is away very often so I know I can. I also know I could juggle 4 as I am very confident in my parenting skills.

    What worries me is that #4 may not be an as easy pregnancy/labour/child. Let's face it. I'm getting older. I'm 32 this year. Odds are not increasing in my favour. Dh is 34. He flat out refuses to have any kids after he is 35. We will be 50 with a 15yo and 17yo at home if we have another next year (plus a 20&22yo).
    You're but a spring chicken RAH! 😂 32 is still young. I had my first at 32, I am now 36. Both my pregnancies were a breeze. And judging by your level of fitness in your last pregnancy I don't think you have to worry you would be totally fine 😊

    The juggling thing I need to consider. I will see how I handle 2 before I can really think about 3. We have a 4 yr age gap and the next would only be about 2 years so it would be very different. DH is changing roles at work and apparently travelling less but I will wait to see if that's true...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    So much comes down to the kids you get and the support you have.

    We have 4 kids. I love them dearly. BUT.

    - they are not great sleepers until around 3
    - they are not great eaters
    - they are all quite strong willed type A personalities (like DH and me) and some days with 6 people in the house all with strong personalities it feels like I'm the speaker of parliament not their mum
    - we have zero family help. None. In fact DH is travelling back home frequently to help there due to family illness.
    - 4 kids in private school means we all work. Luckily I love my job but it's a juggle.

    I turn 45 this year and my youngest is only 2 and a half. I'm tired but it's definitely doable even if you are older.

    DH has had the snip. #4 was a surprise after years of IVF and I feel incredibly lucky. But if I ever found out I was expecting another little bundle of *joy* I think I might do myself in!
    You're right so much depends on the baby and it's not something we have any control over, you get what you're given. DS1 was a difficult baby but a good toddler and child. He still has day sleeps at 4 and sleeps all night and has done from about 9 months. This baby could be very different it's too early to know but so far he is a much more chilled baby.

    My other consideration is the sex. If we went again we could well end up with 3 boys and I need to figure out how I feel about that. I would be lying if I said I didn't care - would be nice to 'try' for a girl but no guarantees.

    I still don't know exactly what is driving my yearning for another. I had a really good pregnancy and birth experience and that probably has a lot to do with it, I need to really think about the bigger picture.

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    The 4 year gap could work well for you. Yr eldest would be in school. My first 2 were 17mths apart. That was truly hard for a few years. Then we agonised for 4 years. It wasn't an easy decision. A 2 yr gap between yr 2nd and 3rd sounds manageable. All the best with your decision. I was almost 38 when i had dd.

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    I am only 4.5 months in to 3 kids and so far it has been great! I was really apprehensive as I kept hearing negatives about 3 child families, but I really feel like our third has completed us. I'm lucky dh feels the same.

    I will say the one thing that has kind of come out of left field for me is that my oldest (year 2) seems to need me around more as a school kid than he did as a baby/toddler. There is so much school stuff to be involved in, after school activities, play dates, generally just more emotional needs. Now I am on maternity leave and he is really thriving having me home. I will never give up my career, but this isn't what I was expecting and has left me to wonder how I will manage working with 3 school kids.

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