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  1. #21
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    Default WWYD - found proof IL's snooping

    I was at a relatives house and watching the kiddies play hide and seek in their wardrobe (being very cute). When I went to stop them pulling out all the neatly laid clothes I found the biggest stash of strong painkillers prescribed to the relative. I probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to it but given this relative is a recovering alcoholic/prescription addict, I packed up the kids and left. Not before I took a photo as proof.

    I wasn't snooping at all, but I found them accidentally and decided to investigate further given the personal circumstances. I did confront the relative the next day.

    I am just playing devils advocate here, I do think what you have uncovered is a gross breach of trust. Is it possible that she did find them accidentally and only took that information because she was genuinely concerned? I know you said there is nothing to be concerned over, but obviously she thinks differently?

    Edit- this relative did babysit on occasion, which is the reason I felt it was my right to act as I did. It was my place given she was to look after my child.

    I'm not saying it's your MIL's place at all but I would need to know her motivation for her actions before I decided what to do next.
    Last edited by Olive Oil; 28-03-2016 at 10:40.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    I was at a relatives house and watching the kiddies play hide and seek in their wardrobe (being very cute). When I went to stop them pulling out all the neatly laid clothes I found the biggest stash of strong painkillers prescribed to the relative. I probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to it but given this relative is a recovering alcoholic/prescription addict, I packed up the kids and left. Not before I took a photo as proof.

    I wasn't snooping at all, but I found them accidentally and decided to investigate further given the personal circumstances. I did confront the relative the next day.

    I am just playing devils advocate here, I do think what you have uncovered is a gross breach of trust. Is it possible that she did find them accidentally and only took that information because she was genuinely concerned? I know you said there is nothing to be concerned over, but obviously she thinks differently?

    Edit- this relative did babysit on occasion, which is the reason I felt it was my right to act as I did. It was my place given she was to look after my child.

    I'm not saying it's your MIL's place at all but I would need to know her motivation for her actions before I decided what to do next.
    Definitely no addictions or other worrying circumstances. I'm a hard working mother who holds down a professional job...

  3. #23
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    Should add the list contained mostly migraine preventative meds I've been prescribed over the past 12 mths. If she'd asked what things were for I would've asked.

    If she were truly concerned she should've asked, not written a list & squirreled it away...

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    BlondeinBrisvegas  (28-03-2016)

  5. #24
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    Doesn't matter what the medication is for. I find it quite bizarre why she would've recorded that information.

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrispyKreme View Post
    Definitely no addictions or other worrying circumstances. I'm a hard working mother who holds down a professional job...
    Maybe she's like Marie from everybody loves Raymond, and thinks Deborah is an alcoholic when she's not...

    Have you decided what you will do?

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    Something will be getting said, sooner rather than later. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts & what I want to express because there is no way she'll take responsibility for her actions. She's a complete narcissist.

    Everyone else is always wrong & she's always the victim. I can't wait to hear how she tries to justify this.

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to KrispyKreme For This Useful Post:

    BlondeinBrisvegas  (28-03-2016),kriista  (28-03-2016),Olive Oil  (28-03-2016)

  9. #27
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by KrispyKreme View Post
    Something will be getting said, sooner rather than later. I'm just trying to gather my thoughts & what I want to express because there is no way she'll take responsibility for her actions. She's a complete narcissist.

    Everyone else is always wrong & she's always the victim. I can't wait to hear how she tries to justify this.
    I'd simply approach her in person and show her the note and ask her straight out why she has a list of your personal medications??? And HOW she got them? I wouldn't pussy foot around or even give her the chance to make up a story, I wouldn't be playing games or doing it over the phone or in a letter etc... This type of thing needs to be done directly. I'd say "what's this?" and show her the note. Make sure you've made a copy of it, too.
    Based on what you've said, there shouldn't be a reason for her to be concerned. How dare she invade your privacy like that? The *only* way I'd understand her reasoning was if she had genuine cause for concern (say if you were abusing prescription meds etc) and had written down the names to look up to find out what they are. Even still, she's gone snooping and if she should have no reason to believe anything untoward is going on, why was she ransacking your house to begin with? You've said they were well hidden so she's gone out of her way to look for something.
    How strange, OP. I wonder what her explanation will be?

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    Ngaiz  (28-03-2016)

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    I'm confused about how she managed to find her way to your well hidden medication and have time to write it down without being seen by somebody.

    Have I missed something?

    Does she live with you?

    What has previously made you suspicious of her snooping behaviour?

    What strange behaviour!!

    But also, I agree with Harvs about completely banning her from visiting your house. That puts your DH in a really difficult position and if you're the person making that rule then it will be you who he may end up resenting. Like it or hate it (or her) she is his family and if he wants a relationship with her then he is entitled to have it.

    Could you ask him not to have his Mother in your house unless you're also home, instead? (I really do understand your outrage and sense of being violated)

  12. #29
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    Default WWYD - found proof IL's snooping

    My MIL did something similar many moons ago when we were living together.
    She cleaned our room without asking when dh and I were at work. She reorganised my wardrobe and drawers and re-ironed dh's shirts (as I hadn't done a good enough job).
    She stacked all the medications I had in my drawers neatly in a pile next to bed - like an accusation. She was the kind of person that believed paracetamol was a class A drug I was taking anti anxiety and depression medications at the time, not even my parent knew. I also still had some strong pain meds left over from when I strained my neck. I felt incredibly violated. And yet she was the victim as she was doing us a favour by cleaning the room, I was an unappreciative bish. She was just "concerned" for my welfare, and for DH. She couldn't understand what my issue was.

    You cannot reason with crazy busybodies like this.

    Well we eventually moved out after buying our home, and our relationship has endured many ups and downs. I have learnt to accept it is part of the package with DH, I just make damn sure MIL cannot access anything, is not allowed in our home to babysit alone- if at all, I only ask in an absolute emergency-my kids go to their place despite the inconvience and keep things polite, short and civilised.

    I am not one to confront people either, and I believe that is your DH's place to deal with his family anyway. As I said she turned it against me, and it sounds like your MIL may do the same. I now let sleeping dogs lie.

    Big hugs. MILs can be the stuff of nightmares.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 29-03-2016 at 08:39.


 

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