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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    I don't have advice but just wanted to lend support! My mum is the same, drops by all the bloody time. Luckily she doesn't have a key and we don't leave our door unlocked but she's forever dropping by because 'they were out' and calling a thousand times a day for inane reasons. She's a drama queen too and will 'mishear' me so if I say we'll be there at a certain time and we're not I'll get a million worried phone calls.

    I don't know what to do about it either; I know it comes from love with her but I also think she must be missing something in her life - friends, interests, hobbies etc, to be so over invested in mine and it makes me sad for her.

    Sorry I can't be more useful but just know you're not alone. I just try to focus on the fact she's setting a really good example for me for what NOT to do to my kids.
    This is what I think too, my mum means well but I just find it suffocating. And I also agree that there must be something she is missing such as a hobby or friends to chat with etc. Today my dad was with here too but he was outside looking to see if DH and DS was around. I think he realised it wasn't right to just drop by but he doesn't say anything just goes along with mums dramas.

    Oh I know one thing for sure, I will never do that to my kids. Even now I never drop around to anyone without letting them know I'm coming and a rough time that I'll be there if there up to it, including my parents!!

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    How frustrating!

    All you can do is be even firmer and more direct with her. Tell her that she HAS to call before she drops in from now on, or you are going to completely lose your shiz at her.

    My mum has on occasion done the random drop in - it bothers me that she doesn't call first and I do let it be known! The last time she did it I got quite bothered by it as DS was really sick and the house was a bit untidy. She hasn't done it since.
    I guess I'll just have to try talk to her again, I just find it so difficult as she either gets offended and upset and makes me feel guilty or she shrugs it off and laughs and acts as if she is just cute and funny i.e jumping the gate.

    I've tried being rude that obviously still doesn't work. It just makes me so mad and today I turned back into my teenage self and sat their giving them one word answers and then DH came home so I said I wasn't feeling well and went back into my room to lay down. They left without saying goodbye but I feel horrible now that I was rude to them.

  4. #13
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    Maybe try meeting her at the door with 'oh if only you'd called we're just in our way out' and get in your car and leave. Even if it's just to drive around the block a few times until she has left.

    I'd have gotten a huge fright if someone came into to my room. You need to tell her she caused you a great deal of stress and really frightened you. And it's not acceptable. I'd also tell her you feel violated by having her enter your private space uninvited and point out that you could have been having adult time with DH.

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    Sweetcheeks1  (27-03-2016)

  6. #14
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    I think you need to speak to her again but dont make it a passing comment.

    Tell her you need to speak to both of them and stress the importance of calling or texting before coming over.

    Explain how much of a fright she gives you by just letting herself in and tell her point blank she is not to do it again.

    Yes she might get annoyed, upset or stroppy with you but you will have your point across at least. By having your dad present he might hopefully help remind her of the 'rules'.

    Its a hard talk to have but do it now before bub #2 arrives.

    Tell her you love her visiting but just prefer some notice esp now you have a young family

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    Sweetcheeks1  (27-03-2016)

  8. #15
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    If you see her pulling in the driveway, strip off and wander around naked/make sure you are sprung doing something so awkward she never wants to take the risk again?

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    LoveLivesHere  (27-03-2016),Mama Mirabelle  (27-03-2016),Sweetcheeks1  (27-03-2016),Wise Enough  (27-03-2016)

  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sweetcheeks1 View Post
    Oh I know one thing for sure, I will never do that to my kids. Even now I never drop around to anyone without letting them know I'm coming and a rough time that I'll be there if there up to it, including my parents!!
    Yep absolutely, I never drop in, it's my pet hate! I think it might be a generational thing. I noticed when my grandmother was here on holidays from overseas and she has some friends/ relatives she wanted me to drive her around to visit. She would say today we'll visit so and so and I'd say did you call them to check if it's ok. Mum and Grandma both thought I was nuts. I would end up calling on their behalf and when people would say oh it's not a good day for us my Mum and Grandma would get so offended like how dare they say we can't visit them 🙄

    I've tried to explain a million times that it's not how it used to be, people are busy and also people have mobile phones so there's no excuse not to call first but my Mum just really doesn't get it, I don't think there's any getting through to her. I hope you manage to have more luck than me.

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    Sweetcheeks1  (27-03-2016)

  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    Yep absolutely, I never drop in, it's my pet hate! I think it might be a generational thing. I noticed when my grandmother was here on holidays from overseas and she has some friends/ relatives she wanted me to drive her around to visit. She would say today we'll visit so and so and I'd say did you call them to check if it's ok. Mum and Grandma both thought I was nuts. I would end up calling on their behalf and when people would say oh it's not a good day for us my Mum and Grandma would get so offended like how dare they say we can't visit them 🙄

    I've tried to explain a million times that it's not how it used to be, people are busy and also people have mobile phones so there's no excuse not to call first but my Mum just really doesn't get it, I don't think there's any getting through to her. I hope you manage to have more luck than me.
    Im with you i hate drop in visits with no prior notice.

    DH's parents & grandparents are notorious for it and it drives me batty.

  13. #18
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    1. Lock the front door
    2. Tell you mum she needs to call before coming around and that this is not negotiable
    3. Don't answer the door if your mum doesn't call beforehand.

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    Sweetcheeks1  (27-03-2016)

  15. #19
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    Omg my mum did almost the same thing today! Except she went straight to my son's room and opened the door when he's supposed to be napping! I walked out my bedroom and she was standing right at his door!!

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    I think it is a tough situation because it obviously comes from a loving caring place, it's obviously not like she is intentionally being a pita.
    I think take her out for lunch, and tell her openly, ask her how she would have felt if her mum/mil did that to her. Tell her you will always love her but you have your family now and that you can be available 24/7, and that your worried that she is lonely etc.

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    Sweetcheeks1  (27-03-2016)


 

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