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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post

    I think a lot of teens these days have difficulty separating sexy with being popular/desirable. Their world is saturated with messages saying that "you must look like this to (fill in the blank)". I'm glad social media only started coming in as I neared the end of my schooling!
    I agree totally with this and I think this is where my discomfort stems from...
    I am much less concerned with her online safety from predators and the like than I am about her social/school community reputation...which is much closer to home and more likely to cause problems.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    What do you take issue with in this pic? It's a photo of her back in her bathers.
    I think it is the air of provocativeness ...and when (as in, at what age) is it "ok" to "appear" sexy.
    I know (because I know exactly when it was taken) this photo wasn't very staged or thought out..it was a pretty quick selfie in the mirror, 5 mins before running out the door..but it "appears" provocative. I think it's the message it's sending to the outside world about my daughter.
    FTR I didn't kick up about this photo, but asked her to remove it...because of the message it sent...

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    I think a lot of teens these days have difficulty separating sexy with being popular/desirable. Their world is saturated with messages saying that "you must look like this to (fill in the blank)". I'm glad social media only started coming in as I neared the end of my schooling!
    I completely agree. This is why I have massive problems with girls like the Kardashians who post semi naked photos of themselves on social media and claim its feminist and empowering. Their audience is teenage girls who look at these images and think it's ok.

    I remember watching Madonna videos over and over again and thinking it was empowering to "Express Yourself" sexually when the video showed her completely dominated by a man.

    God it's hard and it sucks to be a teenage girl.

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I have to say I have a polar opposite view. I would have to question why a 13 year old would feel the need to post such (IMO provocative) photos of herself on social media. I can't think of a mature reason. At best it's a case of the child placing too much value on physical appearances - something which can damage self esteem and bite you in the backside down the track. At worst it's a case of the child wanting to impress dudes and nab a boyfriend with her body.

    I would be worried about her posting the heap of other (non leotard) photos . She is only 13! 13 year olds do not have the life experience, maturity or critical thinking skills to know when they are being knobs let alone when they are doing something that potentially puts their life at risk. The human brain doesn't fully mature until it's 27. She's 13. 13 and posting decorative (not functional - that's the key!) photos of herself in leotards online.

    Where to from here? I'm not sure. I don't mean to sound narky however IMO your child has already been allowed far too much freedom online. If you wind back now it's going to be a very difficult thing to manage. If it were me I would double check her privacy settings and go through her friends list with a fine tooth comb. I would get rid of the smart phone and let her use a computer in a family area only.

    That's me though - I've seen too many cases of naive young girls being duped and taken advantage of by older dudes.
    I think you are going too far the other way...it reminds me of the story my mother used to tell about her father in the 60s refusing to let her leave the house in "dungarees" (blue jeans) as only tarts wore them. He also used to sit on her, to hold her down to cut her nails short because only women of the night had longer nails. It was the thinking in that era...but times change and so we must adapt.

    Life for children and adults is far more than "functional", and there is nothing wrong with being decorative, if you are that way inclined (I'm not!) DD has always wanted to be a little bit different from everyone else, for example she wanted to wear brightly striped tights under her school dress in yr 2, rather than grey. I let her because it was important to her to assert her individuality and be "decorative"...she likes to push the boundaries of conformity a little and has always questioned why there is a rule that says no nail polish at school, why she has to wear a hat if she is sitting on the verandah at recess etc. She wants to know "why??" about lots of things and challenges the actual reason these arbitrary rules are in place.
    I like that she is an independent thinker, but I also let her feel the consequences of her bending of the rules. I was exactly the same at her age...

    I will be interested to see if you feel the same when your little ones reach their teens...
    Last edited by Kaybaby; 28-03-2016 at 00:38.

  6. #35
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    http://www.teachertube.com/mobile/vi...w-8-10s-147297

    Aimed at younger kids but it gets the point across.

    I have so many of DPs young cousins on social media sites and some of the stuff they post, the pictures and the quotes are shocking! They have their mums on social media who often comment on the pictures encouraging it.. I'm glad you're trying to be proactive. It's definitely definitely a minefield out there!

  7. #36
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    Middle of the night, half asleep, but just catching up on this...wanted to add that the reason I'm so uncomfortable with the idea that photos like this automatically =bad is...
    I've worked with a lot of teenagers...a lot. Probably a couple of thousand at some point. I know how common it is for kids (both boys and girls) to have the idea that a girl being provocative/not wearing much etc. doesn't respect herself and isn't worthy of respect. This NEEDS to be challenged. Every single person -and their body - is worthy of respect no matter what the hell they wear and what photos they post. Yes, practical consequences matter (future employers etc.), but I'd be very wary of sending messages that tie in with ****-shaming and that girls have to act a certain way in order to deserve respect.

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  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I have to say I have a polar opposite view. I would have to question why a 13 year old would feel the need to post such (IMO provocative) photos of herself on social media. I can't think of a mature reason. At best it's a case of the child placing too much value on physical appearances - something which can damage self esteem and bite you in the backside down the track. At worst it's a case of the child wanting to impress dudes and nab a boyfriend with her body.

    I would be worried about her posting the heap of other (non leotard) photos . She is only 13! 13 year olds do not have the life experience, maturity or critical thinking skills to know when they are being knobs let alone when they are doing something that potentially puts their life at risk. The human brain doesn't fully mature until it's 27. She's 13. 13 and posting decorative (not functional - that's the key!) photos of herself in leotards online.

    Where to from here? I'm not sure. I don't mean to sound narky however IMO your child has already been allowed far too much freedom online. If you wind back now it's going to be a very difficult thing to manage. If it were me I would double check her privacy settings and go through her friends list with a fine tooth comb. I would get rid of the smart phone and let her use a computer in a family area only.

    That's me though - I've seen too many cases of naive young girls being duped and taken advantage of by older dudes.
    I 100% agree with VP here!
    I think she is being provocative- and she knows it.
    And yes although this is such a 'tame' photo for teen girls these days in comparison to what most of them are posting, it doesn't make it ok!

    My bestie's DD started off with pics like these. It got much, much worse (police involvement). So I guess because I've seen it before, it does scare me.
    My kids know to a mild extent about her antics, I've explained to them countless times about photos, about how once it's there, it's there forever and people can do what they want with it, and about the social repercussions it can have. I've also explained how teen brains are immature and do things without thinking. They seem to get it, so far.
    My 13yo is not allowed social media.
    My 10yo doesn't want social media atm, and she thinks her friends photos are "so inappropriate!"
    I'll keep it that way for as long as I can.

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  11. #38
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    I have written and deleted so many posts since this thread started.

    I am the minority in this thread. I do not agree with social media useage by young children of either gender. IMO 13 years is too young and I will not and have not (I have a 21 yro) allowed it.

    Social media should be safe, it is not. Children of that age do not have the emotional maturity to recognise threats.

    OP your daughter may or may not realise her pose is provocative. It may or may not be deliberate - I don't know her. You do and if you are concerned about it then you are right to do something.

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  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    I will be interested to see if you feel the same when your little ones reach their teens...
    As I said in my post I have raised a child to adulthood. He was 16 before he was allowed to have a computer in his room and online gaming access in his room. I still had his passwords and he no expectation of privacy. We negotiated privacy over the following 12 months.

    Prior to this his computer was in the lounge room with screen facing out to the room.

    If you ask him now if this was a problem he will tell you as a teenager it p!ssed him off. As a young adult and watching what is happening and has happened with his 16 year old cousin (my niece) he thinks it was exactly right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybaby View Post
    I think you are going too far the other way...it reminds me of the story my mother used to tell about her father in the 60s refusing to let her leave the house in "dungarees" (blue jeans) as only tarts wore them. He also used to sit on her, to hold her down to cut her nails short because only women of the night had longer nails. It was the thinking in that era...but times change and so we must adapt.

    ....

    I will be interested to see if you feel the same when your little ones reach their teens...
    Oh come on. There's a big bloody difference between a husband not letting his wife out of the house in jeans and letting your 13 year old post scantily clad photos of themselves online.

    And not having a teenage daughter yet doesn't make me any less qualified to comment. As a teenager I was a girl one. And as an adult I have seen more than my fair share of naive young teenagers being stalked online (sometimes bleeding into real life) by older predators.


 

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