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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nafsika View Post
    Your interested in my reaction? Why?
    As I said in my previous post, those that can forgive are a better person than me. I am genuinely interested, no judgment at all.

    Agreed that the focus should be on OP, seeing both sides to this is very important for her to consider.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Why can't it be a wake up call? No one really knows the ins and outs of this marriage. Yes he has done a really ----ty thing. But if the OP and her DH want to save their marriage surely they both need to work on things to make a change to make them both happy?

    I'm honestly amazed my marriage ever survived the first 12 months of babyhood. They are a killer and how marriages survive that time of sleep deprivation, exhaustion, mess and loneliness must be fundamental survival of species.

    DH and I have problems when we neglect each other (no matter how valid the reason). We have had to work hard to dig our way back many times.
    Agreed, it absolutely can be the wake up call. Throw the stress of IVF into all of the above, it's like a relationship nuclear bomb.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    As I said in my previous post, those that can forgive are a better person than me. I am genuinely interested, no judgment at all.

    Agreed that the focus should be on OP, seeing both sides to this is very important for her to consider.
    I'm not who you were asking, but my two cents is that the majority of the time, unless the person is a total love rat, I don't think infidelity occurs in a vacuum. That's not to excuse the behaviour because that's on the person who cheats, but if for example you have children, then I do think it's worth open exploration of how they got there, whether it's at all salvageable and what changes can be made by both parties. Sometimes infidelity can bring couples closer together because it forces them to actually get real and be honest about what is bothering them. Not always, of course.

    I also think having these conversations can help with closure should you choose not to forgive an unfaithful partner.

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    I wanted to send u an inbox but u need more posts apparently.

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    I am so sorry to read this. This happened to me but unfortunate it started when my first was a year old and 4 months into our marriage, like a previous poster, I became a doormat and I ended up a single mum of two...

    But, even as a single mum of two I meet a new man (highschool crush) and we now getting married and expecting our 2nd child together.

    We tried counselling, if you do go down that path, please don't let him push any blame on you. Also look out for signs he doesn't want to be there. Be 100% honest.

    Being a single mum was/is hard but it may be a lot healthier than a hostile home for years. No one can make a decision for you, but we are hear if need be. Best of luck.

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    I believe you can work through something like this if he is deeply and genuinely sorry, willing to go to counselling and be completely understanding that he will have to work extremely hard to rebuild your trust.

    He must also understand that it's likely you will never fully get over this betrayal and from time to time your emotions of hurt will resurface.

    What an awful thing to find out

    Take it one day at a time. Suss him out and ask questions. Get angry when you feel angry. He deserves to be dragged over the coals for this. If he's truly sorry and wants to save your marriage, he'll show you through his actions.

    There's also no shame in admitting you can't get past this and you don't want to work it out with him. This is your call - he chose to risk losing you when he invested his energy in an online affair.


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    Subbing. Will be back when I have more time to read thru properly

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    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    As I said in my previous post, those that can forgive are a better person than me. I am genuinely interested, no judgment at all.

    Agreed that the focus should be on OP, seeing both sides to this is very important for her to consider.
    What would I do?
    I like to keep the family together and try and do absolutely anything to keep it that way.
    To forgive? Well that takes a hell of a what. But I don't think deep down I could. However i have not been in the situation so once again I do no know.

  10. #29
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    I won't say what your hubby has done is right but am happy to give a male perspective. I still have not read through this all in full as I am away working and only just retured for the night now.

    There are certain things about whatyou have said that I can understand from a male perspective.

    Personally i think he still has a strong attachment to you and your children. I hope you can work through this together.
    Last edited by DaveTTC; 29-03-2016 at 06:06.

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    Sorry to hear you are going through this. And by writing this, I, in no way, am trying to justify anything. However, I have heard of, and read, a book which has been a real eye opener, and reading it was a bit like a lightbulb going off for me. It's called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

    It speaks of the ways people interact that show love to each other. And discusses that if you are missing out, you feel like your "love tank" will become empty. (Sounds a bit wanky writing it down!!!) They are: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, & quality time. There is a test you can do that will find out your primary love language.

    It may be that your DH's primary love language is physical touch or words of affirmation as he is looking for that elsewhere, as you have mentioned that you are lacking intimacy in your relationship.

    Again, I am not trying to condone his behaviour, simply maybe trying to shed a light on what may have spurred his decision to do what he did. Personally, I would highly recommend the book to all couples!! Too late for me and my ex, but then, we would never have worked anyway! 😂

    Good luck with whatever path you choose. It can't be easy to deal with this with a 5 month old child!

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