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  1. #11
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    I feel for you. This was my DD from the age of about 9 months to 2.5ish. It was a nightmare.

    She was only interested in me. Would not let DH do anything for her unless I wasn't there. Her sleep was shocking. She needed me there to go to sleep and it would take nearly 2 hours some nights to get her to stay asleep long enough that I could sneak out of her room. I ended up giving up and sleeping in the spare room with her for about 9 months as she would go to sleep quicker and would wake at night, but as soon as she knew I was there, she'd go back to sleep instead of it taking an hour to settle her.

    I hated it. It wears you down not having any time to yourself, time at night to wind down and I was so touched out as she was always just on me.

    I ended up going hardcore as I just couldn't take it anymore and nothing gentle I tried worked. I warned her every night for a week that I was only going to sleep with her for X more nights. That we would read stories, have cuddles and then she had to get in her own bed and stay there. We had a few nights of tears, putting her back to bed and even holding her door shut before she got over it. It was hard and upsetting for us both, but it worked.

    I still had to do everything for her, but I got my down time at night back and she went back to sleeping through which helped me cope with the day time clingyness.

    My DD was younger, but if she was doing it now, I'd try a reward chart with a toy/bribe if her choosing if she stays in her bed for a week as she's 4 now and responds well to charts. If that won't work, would a timer help? I know now mine might want more and more cuddles, but now I say "just one more" and we count to 5 and she has to go in her bed. I think if you can just stay strong and consistent, it would only take a few days to break the habit. My only other suggestion is for you to go out and get your DH to out her to bed. Make a big deal of you going and she how she is for him.

    Good luck OP. It's a tough gig sometimes.

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    A-Squared  (27-03-2016)

  3. #12
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    Honestly I would just go straight in to dh taking over bedtimes, given that she is 4. She may prefer you, but she is still safe, secure and loved by your dh so I would just create a new normal for her to expect each night. She may not like it to start with but it sounds like you really need a break and she will be OK.

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    A-Squared  (27-03-2016)

  5. #13
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    I'm just wondering if she has a bit of anxiety. (Sounds funny I know) but DS refuses DH literally won't goto bed for him. Almost stops breathing! Esp if your stressed/anxious etc she could be feeling your changes. Going out for longer periods

    Is she napping?

    I would talk to your paed about the behaviour change too. Also daylight savings is coming up to end. My kids have started sleeping 6-6 again before they weren't going to bed until 9pm!! It's been killing me

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    A-Squared  (27-03-2016)

  7. #14
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    Thanks everyone! Well I've bitten the bullet and I've told her I'm not staying with her and I've left her and let her play with her musical torch. She has asked if I can leave her door open so I've left it a bit open.

    So far so good. It's only been 5 minutes though.

    I explained to her that I never stay with DS while he's going to sleep, that I just sing him a song and then leave him while he's awake.

    She was in hysterics as we were getting her dressed for bed. She refused but we kept going and basically forced her into half of her PJs but she saw that we stuck to our guns (without reacting angrily, just with no words) and then she put the rest of her PJs on herself.

  8. #15
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    To get my kids to go to sleep on their own at that age, I used to say I had to go and do xzy and I would back in a minute. I would come back quickly, but stretch it out a bit longer every night until they went to sleep before I got back.

    Another technique I used with one of mine was sit on a chair in their room while they went to sleep, but move the chair a bit closer to the door every night.

    Night wakings - they mostly came into my bed, but I understand that is not for everyone.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    To get my kids to go to sleep on their own at that age, I used to say I had to go and do xzy and I would back in a minute. I would come back quickly, but stretch it out a bit longer every night until they went to sleep before I got back.

    Another technique I used with one of mine was sit on a chair in their room while they went to sleep, but move the chair a bit closer to the door every night.

    Night wakings - they mostly came into my bed, but I understand that is not for everyone.
    These are the same techniques I used. As long as I always cane back when I said I would she would be fine.
    Night wakings I would sometimes lay in her bed (king single) or i would sit on her bed for a few minutes until she went back to sleep which wouldnt be long. I found once i put a night light in her room it helped her

  10. #17
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    My DD is almost 3 and I have recently become stricter with night waking as she was starting to wake 4+ times a night for no other reason than she felt like seeing me! After the last time she did it I told her she wasn't watching any of her DVDs the next day. Disney princess movies are her favourite thing at the moment so taking them away for a day really got her to take notice. She has improved dramatically since then! If course I still go and comfort her when she is genuinely upset in the night or needs something but if I can tell she is mucking around I now threaten the no DVDs again.

  11. #18
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    All 3 of mine have gone through a phase similar to this.

    What helped with them (not necessarily using the same "technique" for each child) but I had to

    * leave the door open until they outgrew whatever they were scared of or if they just wanted the door open going to sleep, I closed the door when I went to bed

    * lying in bed with them for 5/10 mins

    * sitting outside their door

    * very dim nightlight or gro clock

  12. #19
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    How's it going now?

    Not sure if this will help or not (all kids are different!) however my DS will often crack it when there is an unexpected change to his routine (for us this could be putting him to bed in winter pyjamas instead of summer ones, or having a shower before dinner instead of after dinner.

    If I was in your situation and needed my hubby to share the bedtime duties then for *my* son advanced warning of a new routine would probably work. Eg a week out mention that in 1 week time mummy will put you to bed on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and daddy will put you to bed on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I would have a poster chart on the wall with the days of the week and at photo of mummy and child on the days mummy puts hold to end and a photo of daddy and child on the days that daddy puts good to bed.

    If there were additional new parts to the routine (eg teeth, story, cuddle, leave as opposed to teeth, story, stay patting child for 20 minutes) then I would put pictures of the new routine up on the wall as well.

    Hope this helps in some small way

  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Thanks everyone! Well I've bitten the bullet and I've told her I'm not staying with her and I've left her and let her play with her musical torch. She has asked if I can leave her door open so I've left it a bit open.

    So far so good. It's only been 5 minutes though.

    I explained to her that I never stay with DS while he's going to sleep, that I just sing him a song and then leave him while he's awake.

    She was in hysterics as we were getting her dressed for bed. She refused but we kept going and basically forced her into half of her PJs but she saw that we stuck to our guns (without reacting angrily, just with no words) and then she put the rest of her PJs on herself.
    Good luck! Sounds promising for now. Is your DH going to try settling if she wakes tonight?


 

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