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  1. #1
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    Default Going through a tough time

    Hi all. I'm feeling really alone tonight. I guess I just need to cry it out and vent,

    My ex husband is getting re married this weekend and his wife to be is manipulative and vicious. She sweet talks the kids and puts me down to them. Everytime something happens between me and them I literally fall in a heap.

    Tonight we were corresponding via text in regards to Easter arrangements. He wanted to pick up early on Friday and I said that's fine as long as I can pick up early on sunday. He refused this calling me selfish etc etc. I kept calm even though I was texting through tears. Then after my eldest son was asleep I checked his phone. The stepmum sent him a message telling him 'mum is being very difficult again, we will pick you up after lunch' he wrote back 'ok miss you too'.

    This broke my heart.

    this keeps happening and I'm destraught every time. I know she's doing it to get to me so why do I let her? My poor sons are in the middle. Why can't I just shake it off.

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    That is very.wrong for her to put your children in that position it isn't fair at all.

  3. #3
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    Eeek!! That's so inappropriate. It would make me feel wild. I'd confrontation my that, she's putting you down to your children. How old are they OP?

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  5. #4
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    My eldest son is 12.

    What frustrates me is that he had deleted everything up until now and I hadn't taken photos. I took one of the text from tonight though.

    I was so close to texting my ex and saying I am going to block her from his phone from now on but they would retaliate and block me when he is there. Not that I really text him u less I need to. She sends texts every day.

    Thanks for writing back. I feel better because of it.

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    I think you should send the screen shot to your DH and her and say it's not OK and its hurtful to both you and your son.

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    The text last week said 'mum is being very very silly and dad and I are both very unhappy about it' and it went on like that for a few paragraphs

    This was because he had told her in a text that he doesn't respond to her all her texts 'because Mum doesnt like me texting you'.

    My poor sons saw me a total mess that night. I felt so betrayed and like I had be thrown to the wolves.

    I am very careful not to say anything about them to my boys so they have no idea my side of things only my ex's side. The bullying I have to deal with.

    I have never said to him that I don't like him texting her. He wrote that because she kept hassling him as to why he wasn't writing back. He doesn't write back to me either or his friends. It's just him! He was scared so he put the blame on me thinking that she'd understand. He doesn't understand.

    I can't believe the nerve of this woman (a mother I might add). Who writes stuff like that! Why???

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    I actually feel like she is trying to put me in a grave, I know that sounds dramatic but this woman is out of control. Last year I had a chat to my ex and told him to ask her to back off with the lovey dovey text messages to my boys when they are with me. She also talks about stuff my ex and her have been doing, painting in a really happy in love picture. Stuff you would consider weird to text to a 12 year old.

    Anyway, my ex totally defended her but said he understood and would chat to her... So as an act of utter defiance my son received 9 text messages from her the next day.

    She also writes 'just checking everything is ok at mums'. Wtf?!

    Also when my son says things like 'we've just been home relaxing' she'll say 'oh how boring, you should be here having fun with us'

    This woman is a solicitor. I feel like she is trying to paint me in a terrible light and steal my babies. My boys like her for the most part but really love their dad. I'm scared of losing them.
    Last edited by Eden3b; 23-03-2016 at 23:33.

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    Separated parenting is hard. My ex got married last weekend and in the process broke our court orders.

    What she is doing it not okay. In my opinion it is not that she is texting him it is the content of the messages. She is discussing adult issues with a child and as a solicitor (if she is in family law) should know better!

    My DD11 messages me at her Dad's but it is usually Hi Mum love you Mum....she emails her Dad similar chatty sort of stuff. I don't have a problem with it, and he hasn't said anything so I guess he doesn't either. I must say I don't ever message her first, but I will always message her back.

    Hence why my issue is with the content of her messages rather than the fact she is actually messaging.

    I would have another talk with your ex (after the wedding) in a non-combative way. If it doesn't stop then I would look at formal mediation and try and sort it out.

    Your boys love you too she is playing 'good cop, bad cop'.

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    I'm hoping someone with more experience might chime in here. I find it extremely off what she's doing, almost a form of grooming for parental alienation. I would be extremely direct with this OP, screen shot everything, reassure your DS and tell her flat out to stop.

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    Oh that would break my heart. I really feel for you in this position. I'm recently separated and dread all of this sort of thing. In my opinion I'd look at mediation to reestablish some boundaries. If you've been apart for a long time perhaps it hasn't been formally discussed for a while and a refresh of expectations for everyone might help. You could ask for it because your son is 12 now and being a little older new things need discussion (like personal phone contact). To me she sounds like someone trying very hard to "win" most popular parent competition. It's very hard but please know in the long run kids love stability and calm and boundaries. Even if we feel like the boring one. ..as i do! We are their absolute rock solid security. The fun stuff isn't where they turn when they really need support. xo

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