+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,095
    Thanks
    890
    Thanked
    630
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger

    Default How do you get out of the angry mum cycle?

    Just wondering if anyone has any advice about how to break the cycle of anger. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and DD 3yo is becoming increasingly difficult to handle. I know it's normal, she's probably feeling anxious, jealous etc about the new baby, but this pregnancy hasn't been the easiest and at the moment I'm sore and exhausted and finding it really difficult to manage her behavior.

    The past couple of weeks it's been ramping up and I find myself yelling more and more. Today I really lost it and actually swore at her and I feel so so awful and angry at myself.

    I've read some of the threads in the 3 yo section and plan to read up about 123 magic and implement a rewards chart. I'm just wondering if anyone has any other advice or suggestions. Specifically how do you get out of the cycle. Like today after I lost it at her she went away crying and I went into another room and cried, I was angry at myself but also at her and when she calmed down and came to me and tried to get a cuddle I was still so angry and emotional I just couldn't let it go so I ignored her and she eventually walked off. I hate myself for being such a bish but I'm so frustrated at the moment I can't seem to get out of the spiral of being angry with her. It doesn't help that every 5 minutes she seems to be doing something ridiculous or destructive and I lose it again.. I really don't know what to do anymore.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    755
    Thanks
    647
    Thanked
    257
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It sucks.
    My advice (but I'm also following for ideas)

    -Expect that she will be naughty/ defiant/ difficult. I find this helps me to cope when things don't go as planned
    - try to change your day up- get out, grab coffee for yourself, something for little one- even if you don't feel up to it it can help
    - don't feel guilty about using iPads/ tv if necessary to occupy your little one and get you through
    -even if you don't feel like it give her extra cuddles and even if you don't think she'll understand explain that you're not feeling your best at moment if you think you've been too firm etc. I feel like they understand/ take in more at this age than what we think...

    Sorry not much help really And writing this with my 18 m old climbing all over me so but you're not alone.. I've been there A LOT

    Big hugs

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,839
    Thanks
    6,199
    Thanked
    16,883
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I get out of the cycle by reminding myself of what I have and the positives instead of the negatives. That kind of reboots me.

    By 37 weeks I was in 'just get the hell out' mode with all mine, especially my last. We are hormonal, huge, hemorrhoids and back pain are killing us. Things will calm. You two are probably in a bad cycle atm with each other. Why not try to shift that bad cycle and take her on a girl's day out before the birth? Go to the zoo, get a mani if you are into that. Give her quality time

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    23
    Reviews
    0
    I keep reminding myself that my three year old and I both need to work on the same thing. They get frustrated and throw tantrums when they don't get what they want or things don't go their way. I get frustrated and throw a tantrum when my three year old doesn't do what I want. I can't expect him to control his anger and 'use his words' if I can't do the same. Now I see it as a sign that either he or I needs a 'redirection' and I'm learning what works really well for him (play dough, books, separating colourful Pom poms with tongs, putting stickers on an old cardboard box, making a fairy garden out of sand, rice, pebbles, leaves etc) and for me, reading a book, having a coffee, putting some music on. I have 3 under four and they can be a handful, especially my boys when I was pregnant but I have to stop myself from reacting and see each moment as a chance to teach my children how to cope with different emotions and in different situations. We always have a chat afterwards and it amazes me how forgiving and emotionally intelligent they can be at that age if you invite them to have those conversations. I don't always make the right choice and it is important for my boys to know that because they will make the wrong one time and time again and need to know that that's okay.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Zander15 For This Useful Post:

    BettyV  (23-03-2016),gingermillie  (23-03-2016)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    2,004
    Thanks
    291
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I repeat to myself that he's not doing it on purpose, he's just trying to cope. It sometimes helps. Sometimes it doesn't though!

  7. #6
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    7,829
    Thanks
    5,044
    Thanked
    4,430
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/4/15100 Posts in a week
    I've just started seeing a psychologist as I'm where you are (though I'm not pregnant, my DS (youngest) is now 18 months so my daughters behaviour is no longer about jealousy so I'm not sure if my new found tips are relevant to you.

    Basically I've found out that my anger is due to not being able to meet the expectations I have on myself as a parent. So subconsciously if my DD is having a tantrum over not getting her way for example, I get angry as I'm not able to make her happy. So it's about figuring out what is triggering your anger and work on that, if that makes sense.

    When she is having a tantrum though, you need to separate the emotion she's displaying from the action. So get down to her level and acknowledge how she's feeling - I know you're upset that you can't have a chocolate bar (for example) but mummy has said no. Now you can either eat a piece of fruit or have nothing at all. Then if she continues the tantrum then let her. Stop and take three deep breaths then explain you will be doing XYZ (continue what you were previously doing) and if she decides she wants some fruit or needs a hug you will be there.

    So in short figure out why you're feeling that way so you can personally work on that in yourself, then when there's the bad behaviour. acknowledge the emotion she is showing, but not the bad behaviour itself.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to A-Squared For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (24-03-2016),Sonja  (24-03-2016)

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    4,270
    Thanks
    8,177
    Thanked
    3,911
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default How do you get out of the angry mum cycle?

    When I've really lost control or extremely irritable with dd1 (3) I sit down with dd1 and look at a photo book I made of her. Or she sits on my lap (if I'm not still too cranky- sometimes she starts on the other lounge but we end up cuddling lol) and we watch a couple of home videos of her being cute.
    The anger and crankiness at dd1 starts to dissipate and it helps remind me that she is a good kid and not a little turd sent solely to tick me off, and it also helps reset her defiant mood (somewhat).
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 24-03-2016 at 01:34.

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    593
    Thanks
    232
    Thanked
    269
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I use "do you need a hug?" when one of mine are tantruming or acting out. Or "you look like you might need a cuddle, do you need a cuddle?" It has taken a little while but it now settles things pretty quickly. My toddlers are twins so often the acting out seems to be wanting my attention. By offering it willingly it helps. Once the little one is on my lap and calm we have a quiet chat about what they are upset about. I'm not always good at this but when i can put my own anger aside and give generously it really works. Often we withold what the child wants. So if attention is what she wants, giving that attention in the right way will often fix the problem. In my own case i don't see that it compounds and they do it more to get that cuddle, they always do it less as they feel secure that I'll love them in those moments. The other great thing is it makes ME stop. It breaks my moment and i sit on the floor and just give the biggest reassuring cuddle i can give. We all calm down and life moves on pretty quickly. Even when I'm busy...it's the quickest way to get through the moment.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to NAT2561 For This Useful Post:

    A-Squared  (24-03-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. I'm so angry. Help please
    By monnie24 in forum Dealing with anger
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 15-01-2016, 12:33
  2. Sad and angry 7 year old....
    By Marshmallow10 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 10-01-2016, 10:47
  3. How angry would you be?
    By harvs in forum General Chat
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 27-07-2015, 09:51

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Tribalance
TriBalance is a physio, yoga & pilates studio in Brisbane's inner north, offering specialised women's health physiotherapy services. Weekly pregnancy yoga classes are scheduled at the studio on Thursdays 1- 2pm and Saturdays 1-2:15pm.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!