4 yr old and manners, normal or defiant | Bub Hub
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  1. #1
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    Question 4 yr old and manners, normal or defiant

    My child just turned 4. For the past 6 months we have prompted manners EVERY SINGLE TIME. We have never let it slip, always reminding, modeling.

    Today I had another talk to child about beautiful manners and we practiced asking for things using manners.

    30 mins later child comes up to me and says 'mummy give me a drink'. I just wanted to bang my head on the table, I am at a loss.

    How many years does it take to teach a child manners?

    I"d say my child uses manners 40% of the time at home. I'm not sure about child care.

  2. #2
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    I am very big on manners so my 4yo DD knows that she gets nothing without them, to the point now because she knows this I will even ignore her until she uses them. Everyone always comments how she has lovely manners so I know she uses them even when we are not around too.

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    I do not know what is normal. My 3yo DS is usually pretty good (sometimes needs prompting) but I am well aware that changes in a blink of the eye.

    I have no idea if I do the right thing but I ignore him if he is demanding things. If he does it a few times I then prompt and will not engage further until he does so.

    I would speak to childcare and ask. She may be fine and hust be testing you.

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    We are strict with manners. If they don't say please they don't get the thing they asked for. We have also been known to take away a dessert if they didn't say thank you.

    OP, out of curiosity, did you give her the drink when she asked without manners?

  5. #5
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    No i did not give the drink.

    I ignored but after kept repeating for drink i got very angry and said, no manners no drink.

    I got the manners but far out... it turned into a big deal.

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    It will happen, be persistent. My kids have great manners at 9 and 11 but it's taken lots of work. I still have to remind them both occasionally. I have to remind them about lots of stuff still. He will get there. Stick to your guns...at 4yo you will have to constantly remind him though. It gets better.

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    My four year old is pretty good, but has to be reminded pretty often. If he forgets, I just remind him. When he remembers, I praise him heaps. I once had an educator at Childcare comment that he's the most polite kid there, so it must be sinking in at least some of the time!

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    My 2yo DS has better manners than my 4yo DS. We remind him almost every single time to say please and thank you, it's so frustrating when DS2 says thank you Mummy and DS1 just takes it and I have to stop him and remind him.

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    Our 5 year old uses good manners every time as does our 7 year old. They were pulled up early on if they didn't so they know to use them.

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    Sometimes kids forget. I just continue to model and the kids will pick up.

    My 5 year old sometimes forgets but I just remind him. No big deal. He just started school this year and recently got an assembly award for "always using his best manners" so I'm pretty sure we are doing something right


 

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