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  1. #11
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    Yes, should have mentioned that the other thread would have been closely related to this thread because on the other day my son got upset it all started because the teacher got enough of his behaviour and they 'punished' him by taking off his rewards charts altogether and that led to a big misunderstanding between us and the school.

    Since that day we realised what he needed to fix is his behaviour (the root of the problems) if he didn't want to get into troubles. So yesterday I got reminded again by the school that it would be great if he could improve his behaviour so that his reward charts can still stay up on the wall (meaning, his teacher was so close again in taking it off, but tried to tolerate it a bit).

    Advices, warnings, nice talks, etc haven't worked one bit to change his behaviour. He doesn't do that every single day, but I know he does that at school every other day. If you warn him today, he won't do it tomorrow, but the next day after that he'd do it again. Do i need to do a daily reminder? Surely he'd get bored of me and ignore me completely.

  2. #12
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    You've got to be consistent. Imagine the teacher not being consistent in her expectations each day and how confused he would be.

  3. #13
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    Something that I have seen work quite well when the parents are on board with helping a child adjust their behaviour is a smiley communication book. Each day is split into sessions (eg. 2 before recess, 2 before lunch and one after). The teacher (or PE teacher etc) puts a smiley or sad face in after each session then they rake it home and you can go through it with him each afternoon. Eg. I see you got a sad face before lunch, were you getting hungry? What work were you doing? Etc. Then he can role model with you what the appropriate behaviors look like, sound like etc.

    As a teacher it would be awesome if we could sit down with every child at the start of the day to remind them what appropriate behaviour is (note, focus on the desired behavior eg "keep our voice off" not "don't make noises". Then again at the end of the day go over their progress and feelings - but we don't. We barely get time to pee most days. So when a parent can take those 10 minutes each day it can help a lot!

    It does sound like your school is either very strict or they are noticing your son's behavior is well beyond typical. I'd highly recommended helping in class a few times so you get the opportunity to observe all the students and see where your son sits in terms of typical attention span and energy levels.

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  5. #14
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    At a recent teacher training session we were reminded that a huge body of research shows that children's engaged focused attention span is their age plus 1 ie for a five year old the most they can sit for and actually get somethings out of it is 6 minutes. How long is your son expected to sit still for?

    I'd be asking the teacher to track when these incidents of misbehavior occur. If they are a serious concern and impacting learning it would be interesting to know triggers and consequences. A pattern may be emerging. This doesn't have to be long term it could even be over a day... Obviously as a parent we don't know the picture so the more I information available the better we can help...

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    I think you need to go into class yourself for a few hours as a 'parent helper' to gauge what's going on.

    The sticker chart thing was wierd, but having had 2 children go thru preschool/kindy and now year 1, not even my 4yo would do the lying down thing is everyone else is sitting up.

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  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunnymum View Post
    DS just started kindy this year and a couple of weeks into the term and up until now, his school has raised a couple of concerns in regards to his behaviour inside the classroom, it's not like he's totally a bad boy, but his teacher has been trying to direct him in a correct way when it comes to school rules, etc but he's being a defiant instead!

    His problems are:
    1) Making silly noises during class time (be it during story time, or any other time)
    2) Laying down on the floor when it's story time.

    His teacher said she had been continously correcting, reminding and positively encouraging DS to not do these things anymore, but still to no avail.

    I've been telling DS to not to do this kind of behaviour using so many persuasive ways and a little bit of threats as well.

    But I don't think he gets it!!

    I don't know whether the silly noises and the laying down behaviour come out unconciously out of DS? I know he realised what he's done.

    One thing i know is that DS' behaviour is quite like that at home too, where he doesn't care about rules and hates being corrected if he knows he's done something wrong. Basically at home he has so much freedom that he does whatever he likes, like chatting in loud voice to himself, moving up and down anywhere (quite a full on boy), and things like that I let him do as long as he doesn't hurt himself or attempting anything dangerous. Little did I know that these behaviours got carried over inside the classroom.

    He does get warnings at home too and lots of advices and I have been making efforts to get him to listen to me, but I'm just a bit skeptical whether eventually he's going to improve, as it seems like his school doesn't tolerate him anymore and I need to act quickly to fix my own child
    The 2 things you listed above don't sound that bad, if it's only lying down during story time and if the noises aren't all day long. It does sound like they are quite strict. Has your son gone through preschool before he started kindy? Preschool usually prepares kids for things like sitting and listening during stories, and appropriate behaviours like not making noises when others are speaking. From what you've said though, given his age and that its just kindy, I wouldn't have thought the teachers (especially in public school) would be so strict.

    I'm more concerned about what you wrote of his home behaviour.
    I hope this doesn't sound judgemental in any way, because I do feel for you and I know how hard it is to know what the right thing is to do with your child when it comes to behavioural issues. We have a lot of issues with our preschooler, but we get a lot of coaching from his speech therapist so we are able to modify his behaviour whenever something comes up.

    You wrote: "Basically at home he has so much freedom that he does whatever he likes, like chatting in loud voice to himself, moving up and down anywhere (quite a full on boy), and things like that I let him do as long as he doesn't hurt himself"

    This is the problem I think. He has too much freedom and does whatever he wants with no consequences. He is not a toddler anymore. When toddlers have tantrums or behave terribly, you can get away with ignoring them "as long as they don't hurt themselves". Your son might be immature but he is not too young to be taught the correct behaviour: if you don't like his behaviour at home, why do you think it will be any different in school?

    You should focus on disciplining him and changing his behaviour at home first if you want it to improve at school, not the other way around.

    I'm not saying you have to start being super strict and punishing left right and centre, but things like speaking loudly to himself, whenever he does this you can calmly but with a strong voice say, "please use your inside voice". Today my son was getting upset and raising his voice at me, I walked right up to him and lowered my face to him and said "I'm standing right here, I can hear you. Please speak quietly".

    Positive directions instead of negative ones are a good way to go: eg instead of saying "don't shout" or "don't speak loudly" using words like "please speak quietly" or "use your inside voice". Direct positive instructive comments rather than negative indirect instructions. How do they know the correct thing to do? You need to tell them. Eg "hands down" or "gentle hands" rather than "no hitting".

    This is a starting point. I would also practice reading at home and asking him to sit down on the floor while you read. Practice makes perfect
    You need to model the behaviour that you want from him.

    I hope this is helpful
    Good luck!

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  10. #18
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    At 5.5 years I don't think its unreasonable to expect him to be able to sit up during a story. Him laying down may not be an option at school if there physically isn't enough room for the children on the mat if a child is taking up a lot of space by laying down.
    Are there any underlying strength issues that make sitting up too difficult for 5 mins?
    To some degree you need to trust the teacher's professional judgment.


 

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