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  1. #1
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    Default there is no lower to go (will probably have triggers)

    So this will probably be long & rambly. Many already know at least partly where I'm at. Right now though things cannot be at a worse place, and are worse than for any of my many suicide attempts. If it wasn't for the fact that I have been so distressed & sobbing so much as well as being monitored around the clock by staff here I would be dead by now. As it is, they are looking at transferring me to the ward again as I am too high risk in this environment.

    The reason why - DHS have decided that DS cannot stay in my care until such time as the suicidal thoughts have gone, there is no self harm & the depression is gone. All things that are impossible - they have always been part of my life, DS is not aware of the suicidal thoughts nor the self harm. Obviously I haven't been able to hide the depression given at times especially lately things have been let slide considerably but I try to impact him as little as possible. The staff here are simply gobsmacked that this has happened - not one, including a psych who had worked in child protection understands why DHS is playing hardball, potentially separating us forever.

    So I have been in the sensory room with blankets/pillows, coloured lights, salt lamp, various other sensory objects trying to stop the 10 hour long sobbing. Became non-functional enough to be unable to communicate with staff to let them know what was going on - was trembling all over, couldn't open my eyes, struggled to squeeze hands or communicate that I could feel them squeezing mine, or wiggling my toes etc. So much so that they thought at one point a few hours ago I had OD'd. I've been forced by the staff to get up while I wait for the transfer & feel so abnormal & out of my body, along with dizziness & according to the nurse on duty here in need of IV fluids I just can't do it any more - somehow when I go home I'm supposed to not do the thing that the only reason I haven't done it is that DS would be at home alone.

  2. #2
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    I can't read and run and not let you know that I'm thinking of you. I have no answers or suggestions, but just want you to know that someone is thinking of you tonight xxx

  3. #3
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    I am glad I am awake just so I could send you so many virtual hugs to you and your DS.

    I do not know what to say as I have never been in your position - but I am so glad you are still here with us. I truly truly truly hope there is some help for you - just anything to ease your pain. xoxox hang in there. Just one second at a time.

  4. #4
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    Oh, OP. I am so very sorry. Sending love and thoughts to you and your DS. I can feel an echo of your pain through your words, and that tiny echo has made me cry. You've clearly done everything you can to hide the worst of your mental illness from your DS, and it sounds like you've done a great job. If your medical team can't understand why DHS is acting this way, hopefully there is a way to fight it. I don't know how you would go about it, and maybe a social worker at the hospital could help?

    I also have to echo twinklify and say that I too, am glad you are still here with us. Hold on xxx

  5. #5
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    I don't really know what to say, other than I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are going. Huge hugs.

  6. #6
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    Big hugs to you. Hang in there, we are thinking of you xx

  7. #7
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    I have been thinking of you all day. Hope you are still fighting xx

  8. #8
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    I hope you are hanging in there op. I don't have any advice but I'm thinking of you.

  9. #9
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    Hun how are you tonight?? I hope you are still in hospital - it's the best place for you right now. Tell the staff everything you are thinking and feeling.

    It is ok to focus on yourself and getting better. And to do that you need to let someone else help and look after your DS for a bit. You getting healthy and being happy is what your DS needs.

    Hang in there xxx

  10. #10
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    Is there anyone you can appeal to? I agree that he shouldn't be in your care while you're thinking of self harm, but many people parent fine with depression.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    felicia81  (19-03-2016),Freyamum  (06-04-2016)


 

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