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  1. #1
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    Default At my wits end

    I just can't cope with DS any longer. I know I'm going to get cursed and judged but he's so highly strung and naughty. He screams & demands. Whenever I say no he just screams and screams. Then will bang his head on ground etc. we have only just got his sleep semi sorted but he won't goto DH. Because I think i have been co sleeping with him etc if I smack his bum he laughs he won't sit in time out. I'm at my wits end. DH can't even deal with him for the 2-3 hours after work. Like FFS I'm home all day!!

    I'm so stressed I dread waking up in the morning to be a parent

    I have missed out on so much Time with DD I can't even put her to bed because he has the biggest melt down. I'm starting to resent DS and not want to be around him.

    Please help me

  2. #2
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    Sorry you are struggling. Children can really test our patience at times (and a lot of the time). It does get easier the older they get.

    Have you tried to ignore his behavior? If he's screaming, instead of addressing it just ignore him? Not sure if it would help but worth a try?
    What about activities during the day? Making sure he's always active like daily walks, getting out in the fresh air and spending time at the park? One of my good friends has a son that's sounds very similar to your DS, she says he acts out worse when they are at home so she spends her days outside. Doesn't have to cost anything, take a packed lunch.

  3. #3
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    Did you mention in another thread that you were getting him assessed for ASD? How did that go? (apologies if I am getting you mixed up with another member).

    Is it possible his behaviour is due to his medical history?

    It's a long shot, but what is diet like?

    I think it is now generally accepted that some foods can affect kids behaviour. Headbanging can indicate a food intolerance.

    Have a read of:

    http://www.slhd.nsw.gov.au/rpa/aller...l/default.html

    or

    http://fedup.com.au/

    and see if you feel anything applies to your DS. You need to be desperate to attempt an elimination diet to pinpoint food intolerances, but you sound like you may be at that point.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyG4 View Post
    Sorry you are struggling. Children can really test our patience at times (and a lot of the time). It does get easier the older they get.

    Have you tried to ignore his behavior? If he's screaming, instead of addressing it just ignore him? Not sure if it would help but worth a try?
    What about activities during the day? Making sure he's always active like daily walks, getting out in the fresh air and spending time at the park? One of my good friends has a son that's sounds very similar to your DS, she says he acts out worse when they are at home so she spends her days outside. Doesn't have to cost anything, take a packed lunch.
    We goto the park everyday as we live in CBD but now he's not listening even when out in public I am getting seriously anxious. He has to stay in pram as he cant be trusted to walk there. Once there it's ok. I can't go into shops as he screams whole time.

    @ss he barely eats. Bananas, milk, lamb cutlets, blueberries, grapes was new food this week and hot chips. Food is a struggle yoghurt is his main source. He's lactose intolerant. Lives off baked beans. I filled in paperwork and waiting I will call Monday see how we are going.

    Eg bouncing on bed. I say no that's not allowed place in time out explain its dangerous and he does it again I do it again. Again. I just lose my patience so quickly with him. He took all the knobs off our tv unit. He pushed the dining room chair to kitchen and grabbed knives from knife block so now they have be kept in laundry

  5. #5
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    Honestly I don't think punishments like smacking or time-outs are going to be of much use, especially as he's so young, and if he's showing signs of ASD.
    Which doesn't mean you let him do whatever he wants, I take this general approach with DS:
    1. Limit his opportunity to be 'naughty' - babyproof/toddlerproof as much as possible. Even if it means making some things inconvenient to the adults for now (like keeping knives in the laundry!)
    2. If I need him to stop doing something I first ask him to do something else more appropriate. eg jumping on the bed I'd say "Can you please sit down on the bed with me? Let's sit down for a hug/tickle/story/whatever he likes". Giving him an idea for an alternative behaviour tends to work better than just saying stop, at least for my DS.
    3. If he refuses then move onto "I can't let you jump on the bed, it's dangerous. I'm going to put you on the floor", and physically remove him. And he'll be upset of course, so I hold him and keep gently reminding him what's happening "I know you're upset, but I can't let you jump on the bed". And try to redirect him to something else "hey look at this toy!"
    And repeat steps 2 and 3 as necessary…

    But I don't have a child with (possible) ASD so I don't know if this is applicable.

    Things like screaming in the shops sounds like he is overwhelmed and unhappy. I think it was VicPark who posted something yesterday along the lines of "don't think of your child being naughty and needing punishment, think of them as struggling to handle something and needing your help".
    I know his behaviour must be really frustrating for you but it does sound like a lot of it is him having a hard time too.

    Another thing I try to remember is the phrase "connection before correction". Work on the connection between you and the correction comes a lot easier.

    It can't be easy having two toddlers, especially with your DS's medical/diet issues on top. So hang in there, you're doing great!

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to deku For This Useful Post:

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    How old is your little guy now?

    If there is a condition like ASD at play, it's a completely different approach needed in parenting as some of the things that appear to be naughty are actually him having sensory overload or not coping.

    If he's not very verbal this can add to his frustration as he can't communicate his feelings or needs.

    I would start noting down some examples of unruly behaviour and filming his bad meltdowns, then try and get into a paed to see what they make of his behaviour.

    Big hugs, parenting little children can be a rough ride sometimes

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    I have a 4yo with ASD and 6yo, 3yo and 18mo that are all NT. I keep all of their punishments pretty consistent where possible. My general plan is usually Distract, Negotiate, Time Out and then Remove something.

    I try to distract them from what they are doing, such as "hey don't throw those eggs, let's go outside and throw a ball instead".
    If that doesn't work, I move onto negotiate. Things such as "if you don't stop throwing the eggs now, we wont be able to watch that movie later that you wanted to watch".
    That doesn't work, I physically remove them from where the eggs are and ask them to sit down for x amount of minutes.
    If that doesn't work, I then take away something of theirs. Favourite toy etc.

    I find my ASD son responds to this as well as my NT children generally, but when I talk to him, I will grab and squeeze (firm but gentle) his upper right arm. It helps him focus on what I am saying.

    Not sure if any of this is particularly helpful. But this is what generally works for us. I think consistency is definitely important though

  9. #8
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    A lot of those things sound exactly like my nearly 18mo DS2 at the moment. His favourite things to do are to run away from me, pull hair, throw things, and his new favourite is pushing his chair up to the dining/kitchen table and climbing on.

    He doesn't know he's being naughty, he thinks there funny. Time out doesn't work, he doesn't understand. I do a lot of what deku said, can you be gentle with mummies hair, sit on your bottom, then usually a firm NO - that hurts/is dangerous, then he throws a tantrum, screaming and will throw himself on the floor and roll around screaming. I ignore it for a few seconds then redirect, can you see the bird outside/where's your dinosaur/shall we read a book.

    It's frustrating but his little brain is still learning. TBH I find his meltdowns so much easier than 3yo DS1's that I don't really let them get to me

  10. #9
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    thanks for responses.

    He is 2.

    He's very verbal. He's speaking full on sentences & has conversations with his sister & us.

    We did put our other dog down a couple weeks ago so that week was tough. Our sleep consultant helped heaps because before I was making him be quiet and not letting him express things like shh etc so now I let him cry etc and not shove a dummy in etc and say I understand your frustrated blah blah then he seems calmer.

    Tonight he tried pumpkin & sweet potato didn't swallow but that's a start. I'm meant to fly home in July and I don't want to take them on the plane

  11. #10
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    Our sons are the same age. We don't do time out because i know it wouldn't work with him at this age. As someone said above i just baby proof everything to avoid unsafe situations cos i know at this age he's gonna get into everything. It's curiosity not naughtiness. Of course things are always changing, i found he used a stool to climb onto thr bench this week 😮

    My son is hard with food too. Tonight he had reheated hot chips for tea and some apple 😕 it is what it is. I figure if he's hungry enough he'll eat. My job to offer things (i offered fish first) but its his job to eat it. Try not to beat yourself up. Unless he's fading away I'm sure he's not starving.

    Screaming happens all day here too. And the more i say 'No' the worse the screaming gets. I just try to ignore it, redirect or remove him or the object from the situation. At this age telling him not to do something will just make him do it more or start a meltdown.


 

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