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  1. #21
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    I'd like to say thank you for your advices and replies! It's been more than helpful and comforting to read all of those advices. Thanks sarahd80 for the Triple P (PPP) recommendation, I googled it up and found one PPP group that will be running in my area. Won't be held until late April, but I'd be more than happy to participate

    I've had such a long (and emotional) day today (been running around everywhere, and on top of that my job hunting doesn't go as smooth as expected, and been stressing it out for weeks ), so I have not had a chance to ask DS properly (firmly but kindly) how he said that gun word to Mrs A. He finally demonstrated it to me when he calmed down whilst doing some arts and crafts. So it wasn't in a violent or threatening way, but it was still inappropriate no matter how you say it. The way he showed me was he was pretending to be speaking in an animated voice to a walkie-talkie and pretended to say it to the other end that he needed some 'help' here and needed the 'gun' (i assume he was sitting at the 'time out' corner because he said he was in that mat where he said they'd put a boy/girl who's noisy/loud there, i think that happened during the story time he might have talked out loud in silly voice) and prior to that he was also having problems with Mrs A in regards to the school work thing he refused to finish (great, that just completes his view on Mrs A today). He was basically trying to be a smart *ss pretending to have a power (gun) to show it off to his teacher - I don't have any idea what young boys are thinking about!

    I know I will have to speak to Mrs A when she gets back next week (her teaching days), but tomorrow I'd probably ask Mrs B at the end of the class so that she's aware as well... she may already be as it's already in the school book anyway.. which is probably gonna go up to the principal? *Gulps*
    Last edited by bunnymum; 22-03-2016 at 23:07.

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  3. #23
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    Is your son hypersensitive to body language/facial expressions?

  4. #24
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    Default DS (5.5 yrs) mentioned a violent word at school

    Hmm im not too sure about that harvs, can you give me examples what hypersensitivity to body language/facial expressions might be like? All i am aware of is that DS started off school being a shy boy for a day then after knowing his surrounding well (that school is fun) he finally came out of his shell. He is actually a bright, friendly, active, full-on boy. Been implementing more rules at home and teaching him about consequences and i dont know whether he has grasped them well becausd I am exhausted keepin my eyes on him 24/7 (pun intended!) and my mouth is tired because ive been talking more than usual!

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    Do you let/watch the news around your son? I just wonder if he has made some connection with threatening with guns that way? I have taught quite a few early years children whose parents encouraged news watching and there usually was a range of issues from awareness of gun violence to frequent fear of things he such as kidnapping....

    I agree with a previous poster that it may be helpful to have a consistent reward and consequence system between home and school. Do not take away rewards for poor behaviour, when they are truly earned they can't be lost but a consequence can instead be given. I'd suggest that the separating your child at school, at likely at home, to a "naughty spot" doesn't seem to be effective.

    I teach in a 2/3 day a week situation like your son is in and it is common that a child will behave better for one teacher than the other. We have quite different expectations for our class and fortunately our parents see this as wonderful opportunity for the kids to learn that everyone is different.

    To me, the issue is not so much the use of the word "gun" but the fact that he thought it was okay/likely to be effective if he threatened his teacher to get what he wanted.

  6. #26
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    Sorry @bunnymum for the total lack of elaboration to my question! Does he talk about people 'looking cross' 'looking mean'? If you give him the same instruction twice in the same tone of voice but with a more angry facial expression does he react differently?

    I was just thinking that he's responding to this teacher as mean. If we assume she's asking him to do something reasonable and in an appropriate manner, then he may be picking up on something in her face that is upsetting him. I have had some students who have this quirk and they become totally unresponsive when they interpret body language a certain way.

    It can occur in children on the spectrum, but also with children who are incredible intuitive to body language and general 'vibe'. I think the teacher needs to work with you so that she can learn how to interact with him in an appropriate way, and so that you can both support him with consistent expectations and consequences.

    If it were one of my students I wouldn't even be dwelling on the gun thing tbh. I'd be trying to focus on the cause of the anger and finding a way to avoid situations escalating to this.

    Just my two cents :-)

  7. #27
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    Well done for everything you've implemented at home too! Remember, a new behaviour needs to be repeated a ridiculous amount of times to be a learnt behaviour (somewhere around 15? I forge the exact number sorry!) and it's even longer when replacing a behaviour. Stick with it! As a mum of a little boy ball of energy myself I know how tedious the waiting it out can be

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    OP: in the short term you really do need to be tackling these things head on as soon as they occur. If a teacher tells you your son threatened to bring a gun to school and use it (for the second time) grill her there and then about it. What exactly did he say, what was happening in the 20 minutes beforehand, has she identified any triggers, what did she do after it was said, how did your son react to what the teacher did. Do not wait the day after to talk with a teacher who wasn't there!. Do not wait a week to speak with the teacher involved.

    In the medium term as the teachers (both of them) to document in writing your sons behaviors, triggers and strategies they think will help him. Meet with them to go through it and if needed use it in a meeting with your GP so they can point you in the right direction regarding professional help for your family (parents and child).

    Long term: look at your home environment. Is there enough structure and discipline in place? Does your discipline style help or hinder your son? If it's not working change it.

    Good luck.

  9. #29
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    Thank you , thank you and thank you! that's all I can say to all the wonderful replies here. I feel like I've gained so much support in tackling this problem.

    To answer Harvs' question, no DS is not too overly sensitive in regards to body language. He never thinks people are mean to him because of their looks/body language. For the majority of the time, he always feels disappointed if he doesn't get the things he wants ( for eg. when he feels like not continuing his writing activity in class, but his teacher orders him otherwise, then he'd feel crossed because all he wants is to take a break and not write). Having said that, it just got me thinking though, I'm not sure how DS would see Mrs A based on her facial expressions though, she's a beautiful and quite cheerful lady, but Mrs B has much calmer personality.

    Thanks for your advice tootsiegirl. No DS doesn't watch much TV these days (in fact our TV is broken - we bought a terrible brand ). But he's well aware of things like soldiers and guns, army, policemen, etc etc but he doesn't know how serious the consequences are if he's inappropriately saying it (for eg bringing guns to school because i got p***ed off with mrs A)

    VicPark, thanks for the great advice! Will certainly keep that in mind and that I have to act right on the spot if that happens again. After hearing something 'terrible' your child has done, sometimes it takes a while to think again with a clear mind - all I kept thinking about back then was how did this happen and why he said that word out of millions of other rude words and whether police would come to the school! . It's strange for a boy who doesn't even know how to swear, he opts to use gun instead. Imagine if we were living in the US!
    Last edited by bunnymum; 24-03-2016 at 19:15.

  10. #30
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    I'm so glad I don't need to deal with all this school crap.
    Best of luck to you.


 

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