+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 33
  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    178
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked
    8
    Reviews
    0
    Help! So DS repeated his major mistake again and mentioned that particular "forbidden" word to his teacher today. His class has two teachers in his class (job share - 2 days & 3 days). From the pattern that I notice (pretty subjective i'd say), on the days he has this particular teacher in class (mrs A), he'd start behaving defiantly because of a small matter. One thing I feel about DS is that he seems to be holding a small grudge towards mrs A because of a small matter. So every time he gets told off or warned by her he'd get angry and would not accept the fact that he was wrong. The first 'forbidden word' incident was also directed towards mrs A (poor mrs A).

    His other teacher (MRs B),is on he other hand the teacher that DS has a soft spot for. It just seems during mrs b's class he would always behave slightly better (still has silliness, bu not totally inappropriate).

    Mrs A approached me today and briefly said "well he got upset with me today, and he said XXXXXXX (those forbidden words) and I have to write it down in the school book about that ". I haven't asked in details why he got upset, I assume it's another school rules, etc things that DS got warned about. Mrs A was too busy to attend to other kids after we spoke...

    I asked DS today (in a stern voice) why did you do that to Mrs A, although you got upset you shouldn't have said those words because they were not acceptable. Well this is DS's version (quoting exactly what he was saying): "Mrs A was mean to me, she told me to work on the school work... on a book.... (I assume he meant the school activities like writing, etc) and then I stopped doing it because i didn't want do do it anymore .. it's taking ages to finish it off...but she told me "WORK!" and I didn't like it.. she was mean to me ... she was mean to me". I told DS what he needed to work on just then was part of school activities and rules, so no negotiations why he could get away not doing it at all. And also, DS repeated his silly behaviour again by making silly voice like blablablala......that also contributed to another daily warning.

    I think MRs A didnt raise her voice or did anything out of the line when she told DS, it was just DS' problem that never accepted things easily. well, I know that DS has had enough of daily warnings etc, that's why I told him no more silly stuff and just follow the school rules if you don't want your teachers to tell you off!

    Over this repeated incident today, I've felt like I have been branded as a parent who is raising a potential gunman. I feel like digging a hole and let the earth swallow me.

    Our family is never exposed to a slightest bit of violence. NO violent TV/ipad for DS. He knows super heroes, but not a die hard fan. He is used to reading books, colouring, counting, writing, arts and crafts etc, at home so there's no way he finds them hard to do at school. He has a toy gun but it's like a pink/purple bow and arrow thing, that's the only gun hing he has and I've hidden it away!

    I'd like to talk to the school again about that, but I don't know what I should say. I think barging in to the principal's office is a little bit too much? Should I start having a conversation with MRs B tomorrow? (it's MRs A's day off tomorrow).
    Last edited by bunnymum; 22-03-2016 at 16:40.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    145
    Thanks
    38
    Thanked
    76
    Reviews
    0
    I'd be throwing out all guns/weapons from home. You can't control what is happening at school, but it does sound like you could offer more structure at home.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    178
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked
    8
    Reviews
    0
    Yep, already removed any guns/weapons at home. In short I've actually realised that if he's unstructured at home (no rules, manners etc), then he'd more likely to behave like that at school and finding it hard to follow the school rules hence getting upset and may trigger him to say violent things.

    One thing though, he's never said he'd use his weapon to threaten me even though he gets upset with me numerous times, i was really shocked that he did that at school twice already!! And for a boy who loves getting up to go to school in the morning (always looking forward to Monday when it's weekend!), i doubt that he was having a hard time at school.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,710
    Thanks
    1,392
    Thanked
    7,295
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I second getting rid of any toy guns, or at least confiscate them until he stops threatening his teacher with them.

    We are a no gun household here.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,710
    Thanks
    1,392
    Thanked
    7,295
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts

    Default DS (5.5 yrs) mentioned a violent word at school

    Quote Originally Posted by bunnymum View Post
    Yep, already removed any guns/weapons at home. In short I've actually realised that if he's unstructured at home (no rules, manners etc), then he'd more likely to behave like that at school and finding it hard to follow the school rules hence getting upset and may trigger him to say violent things.

    One thing though, he's never said he'd use his weapon to threaten me even though he gets upset with me numerous times, i was really shocked that he did that at school twice already!! And for a boy who loves getting up to go to school in the morning (always looking forward to Monday when it's weekend!), i doubt that he was having a hard time at school.
    I would be enforcing some rules at home. Doesn't have to be structured but he needs to know there are consequences. That's probably why he's acting up at school because I'm sure the teacher expects manners and courtesy.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 22-03-2016 at 19:40.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to BigRedV For This Useful Post:

    bunnymum  (22-03-2016)

  7. #16
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    178
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked
    8
    Reviews
    0
    No guns actually for a while already. Even since before he mentioned guns in the first incident. We have one toy gun (not a scary, real looking one, it's like a bright pink/purple like bow and arrow rather!) which has been untouched and I've hidden it away somewhere. He hardly mentions guns at home. I reallyyyy wonder where he got the idea of mentioning guns at school

    He has done many 'naughty' things at home and it's got to do with his disciplines such as purposely making things a mess again at home knowing that I've tidied up or throwing his toys around at home, and often jumping up and down in bed before bedtime (which keeps him awake longer!)

  8. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    It sounds like you need to have a meeting with his teacher to discuss carrying their behaviour system over to home for continuity. The school has him only 30 hours a week and you have him the rest so if you are not on board with being consistent everything the teachers are working towards is being undone.

    You say he loves the school reward chart. Why not do one for home? Having a full on boy myself I find they seem to really connect to reward charts. Be it that it's visual, which boys often favour I'm not sure. We got a piece of coloured cardboard, boxed in 7 days and the areas that needed attention, printed out his favourite thing at the time eg Spiderman to stick on then covered it in contact and used stickers. At the end of the week he would get a reward.

    You also need to clearly spell out the behaviour you want and the consequences for not doing it. And stick to it. The issue here, reading this and other threads is there is no discipline or consequences. You can't expect a 5 year old to then go to school and not act out. I'm not saying you are a bad parent, you are here asking for advice and support so it seems you are def not a bad mum. But set clear expectations, follow through with consequences and work with the school.

  9. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    BigRedV  (23-03-2016),bunnymum  (22-03-2016),gingermillie  (22-03-2016),misho  (23-03-2016)

  10. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    145
    Thanks
    38
    Thanked
    76
    Reviews
    0
    If you need help /advice with behaviour management WA's health department run a fantastic FREE program called PPP Positive Parenting Program. If you aren't in WA I'm sure other states will offer similar programs. I suggest getting on top of his behaviour ASAP while he is still young.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to sarahd80 For This Useful Post:

    bunnymum  (22-03-2016)

  12. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    23
    Reviews
    0
    One of the best things that I've found you can do as a parent is to open the lines of communication with the teacher. Organise a meeting time for you both to sit down and discuss your son at length (focus, progress, friendships etc) and how the two of you might be able to work together to improve your sons behaviour and get to the bottom of what may be causing the negative behaviour. If you are being consistent both at home and at school, and it seems that implementing a much more predictable routine at home may be one of the first plans of attack, you will have a greater chance of success. By having this meeting, you are also communicating to the teacher that you plan to work with her, that you are partners in supporting your son. I feel that establishing a stronger relationship with more regular communication will give you the support that you need, ensure that you will be notified of any further incidents (or possible causes for the behaviour - perhaps talking about guns is popular playground talk atm) and if needed they can refer your son to further individual counselling if they feel it is warranted. I'm a teacher and we don't judge families based on children's actions - they are complicated and behavioural motives can come from such a wider range of sources

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Zander15 For This Useful Post:

    bunnymum  (22-03-2016)

  14. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    590
    Thanks
    184
    Thanked
    376
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Looks like the OP is in nsw, however Triple P is a worldwide program so I'm sure there are trainers near her. It's a fab program.

    I think having a reward system in place at home is great, but running alongside that also needs to be clear rules/expectations for behaviour AND consequences for misbehaviour. Punishment cannot equal removing something from the rewards chart - he will have earned whatever stickers make it up on the chart and you can't take that away, it will result in him feeling like he'll never be able to earn his reward so why bother trying.

    Re the teacher, it might be best to contact Mrs. A and say that you'd like a meeting to discuss ongoing behaviour management for your son and that you'd like to work with her to try and ensure consistency between home and school. I'm sure she'd love to see you being proactive

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to besha For This Useful Post:

    bunnymum  (22-03-2016),tootsiegirl  (23-03-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Violent behaviour in toddler
    By SpicyTurtle in forum General Chat
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 27-09-2015, 17:45
  2. The Word Association Game #18
    By BlondeinBrisvegas in forum Games & fun stuff
    Replies: 1010
    Last Post: 25-07-2015, 18:21
  3. Violent 3 yr old - normal or alarm bells????
    By babybloom in forum 3 year olds
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 13-04-2015, 14:47

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Cots on Bubhub
Looking to buy a cot or bassinet? :: Cot safety checklist :: Local or online nursery shops
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!