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  1. #21
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    Aqua85, I was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were going. I am sorry to hear this is happening, it must be very stressful. I second everything pp have said, that telling your friends for support and maybe going back to the uk. You shouldn't be treated like this, and I worry what he will be like with a small Bub in the mix which has the ability to stress even the most happy and supportive relationships.

    You mention that you are concerned he is having some kind of breakdown and feel you should help...while I understand what you are saying I think at this time it is more important for you to look after yourself and your baby.

    It's great that you are talking to your mum tonight, I'm sure she will be supportive. Wishing you all the best.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by littleriv View Post
    Also remember you wont be able to fly long haul after certain gestation. Not sure exactly what that cut off is. All the best.
    32 -35 weeks if I remember correctly.

    Good luck op.

  4. #23
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    Default 21 weeks and relationship concerns

    I thought it was 36 weeks with a letter
    of permission from your dr?
    I wouldn't normally suggest leaving a country, but I know a few friends that have had babies, relationship hasn't worked out, then they have not been able to go back to their country or found it very difficult to (months/years in the court system). If the father of baby is especially cruel, he won't even give permission to go on a holiday to your country with the child.

    I know that sounds extreme, I'm not telling you that to scare you, but it is a reality
    It must be so confusing for you. I wish you and bubs all the best.
    Last edited by MyLittleStar; 14-03-2016 at 22:36.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aqua85 View Post

    I made the decision to talk to my Mum about it tonight...

    Part of me feels so guilty at the idea of heading back to the UK... [but] I would feel far worse knowing I brought a newborn knowingly into such an environment.
    Glad you decided to chat with your mum - well done on being brave even though you were a bit embarrassed. Did you end up talking to her? How did it go?

    I think your thoughts above are a really clear perspective on your situation. I guess sometimes we have to choose between the lesser of two evils don't we?

    Hope you're ok.

  6. #25
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    I wanted to update you all with my progress over the last few days.

    After a long conversation with my mum and a close friend in London, I came to the decision that heading back there, even if only temporarily, will be beneficial for myself and the baby.
    I was wracked with guilt at the prospect of leaving DH at a time I felt he needed my support the most, and if I weren't 23weeks pregnant I know I could approach this differently.
    Anyway I have begun the process by handing in my notice with work, which means I have 6weeks to organise my life here before flying back to the UK. I actually feel sick at the prospect of getting on that flight.
    There has been no improvement with DH's mood, which has made this decision slightly easier. I will obviously keep in contact with him throughout the pregnancy and after the birth, and I would like to think he would fly out to visit us at some point.
    Thank you for your kind words and support.

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  8. #26
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    Great that you are heading back home. I think you are doing the right thing.

    My exdh turned nasty during my first pregnancy and it only went downhill from there. If I could live my life over, I would have left at the first sign of trouble. In hindsight there were lots of red flags prior to then, but I did not realise the significance of them and thought I was overreacting.

    I hung in there for lots of reasons - believing the abuse was caused by his mental illness was one of them - and you shouldn't leave someone because they were sick should you? Guess what? Mental illness exacerbates abuse, but it is not the root cause. Abuse is about power and control.

    I would strongly suggest you get your hand on Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?"

    Available from Amazon:

    http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-Th.../dp/0425191656

    I believe it is also available in pdf form - should come up in a google search.

  9. #27
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    I also "second" the pp's book recommendation, it's an excellent book. Confronting in parts if you recognise the behaviour in loved ones but very insightful

  10. #28
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    I'm impressed - that would not have been an easy decision to make. Sounds like this baby has a strong role model for a mum. The world needs a bit more of that!

    Can I suggest that you have a plan in place for what you will do if you start to miss your partner or if he starts to make you feel guilty about leaving. This might happen, so best to decide now.

    Best of luck - I think you're really brave.

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  12. #29
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    I really feel for you, please do get out of there and get back to the UK. I would be heading home to Ireland to have my child if that were happening to me. The ham thing is just more spiralling into control and mind games. Get out and get out quickly.

  13. #30
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    Any updates OP?


 

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