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    Default 21 weeks and relationship concerns

    I really had no idea where to write this post...but I'm at a total loss currently in my situation!
    As you'll see from my signature below my partner and I went through IVF late last year after 4years together, and were successful in getting pregnant (great news at the time).

    Since then however the relationship has been a real mix of highs and lows. Some days he will be excited about the prospect of becoming a dad & is the most amazing partner, then other days he will totally switch personas and threaten to kick me out of the house and end the relationship. last week I left the house after he started arguing to avoid getting myself or the baby stressed, only to come back a few hours later to find all my belongings chucked out the window.
    I feel I'm in a continued state of uncertainty & even though the baby is healthy currently, I can't help but feel upset a lot of the time. All my family live over in the UK, and whilst I have close friends here I don't want anyone else to know quite how bad the relationship can be.
    Having gone through fertility issues prior to IVF, I don't want to consider having an abortion but then I realise this means my partner will ALWAYS be part of my life, whether I like it or not.
    I'll clarify that he has never ever been physically abusive to me, before or during the pregnancy.
    Sorry for lengthy post but I've just been in such turmoil recently not knowing how to handle this
    Any advice would be great.

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    Sorry to read about your relationship problems don't really have any advice there aside from maybe seeing a relationship councilor. I hope you can sort things out before bubby arrives
    Last edited by flowers21; 14-03-2016 at 16:50.

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    Default 21 weeks and relationship concerns

    couldn't read and run. no advice but sending huge hugs. what a horrible guy to treat you and your unborn baby like this. I feel really sad reading that he's packed your things and tossed them out the window. what an a$shole.

    may I ask how old you both are? is he mentally unwell? or is there drinking/drug/addiction issues here?

    either way, he doesn't sound like a very good dad or supportive partner. if he's like this during pregnancy, it's going to be 100 times harder for you once bub is here. you'll need help and support and if you're family is all in the uk and he's behaving like this, you'll be screwed.

    I'd be looking at leaving this guy ASAP. I'm so sorry this is happening to you xx
    Last edited by turquoisecoast; 13-03-2016 at 18:06.

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    Please reach out to people in real life. There is no shame in letting your friends here know the truth about your relationship. Try to find 1 or 2 people you can confide in and work out a way forward. This is not something you should be dealing with alone. Have you told anyone in the UK?

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    I think his behaviour qualifies as emotional abuse. Is there any chance you'd consider moving back to the U.K.?

    Sounds like he's not interested in being a father, to be honest.

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    Was he like this previously, or is it a recent change in his personality?

    Having a baby is stressful- it's full of so many unknowns and can dredge up issues that people didn't even realise they had. Still, your partner's behaviour sounds pretty extreme, even with that taken into account. If his attitude and personality are swinging so wildly from day to day, is it possible that he is suffering from a mental illness or that there is some substance abuse involved?

    You absolutely should seek help and support from friends- this is a huge issue to try and deal with on your own. I genuinely hope you can find some resolution!

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Please reach out to people in real life. There is no shame in letting your friends here know the truth about your relationship. Try to find 1 or 2 people you can confide in and work out a way forward. This is not something you should be dealing with alone. Have you told anyone in the UK?
    Yes, this. Please tell someone how he is behaving. The time around pregnancy and newborns is a very common time for DV to start occurring in a relationship. Please tell someone now so if it gets worse you have somewhere to turn to- if it gets worse and you've told no-one, it will only get harder to talk about it.
    What sort of prenatal care are you receiving? You could tell your Ob/midwife about it. These days they are professionally trained to deal with this sort of thing- in fact at visits soon they will probably start asking you specifically if you feel safe at home and how things are going with your partner. Perhaps that would be the easiest way to broach the subject.

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    Huge hugs

    Another who thinks you should tell a friend. Personally, if a friend came to me with the story you've told here, I would be nothing but empathetic and supportive in whatever way I could be.

    I hope you find the right answer for yourself and bub. Look after yourself.

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    Sorry to hear this is happening.. would you consider go8ng to the UK? For some family support moving forward?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Yes, this. Please tell someone how he is behaving. The time around pregnancy and newborns is a very common time for DV to start occurring in a relationship. Please tell someone now so if it gets worse you have somewhere to turn to- if it gets worse and you've told no-one, it will only get harder to talk about it.
    What sort of prenatal care are you receiving? You could tell your Ob/midwife about it. These days they are professionally trained to deal with this sort of thing- in fact at visits soon they will probably start asking you specifically if you feel safe at home and how things are going with your partner. Perhaps that would be the easiest way to broach the subject.
    This.

    It is not ok what he is doing. Do not go through it alone. Hugs.


 

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