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  1. #11
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    I don't have any answers either, but for my kids, but all I I hope is that they grow up to be respectful of everyone including themselves. I want them to not be judgemental of others and always strive to be the best people they can be and the most successful, whether that be as parents, partners, teachers, tradespeople, service people, business people, hairdressers, store managers.... Whatever they choose to do. And to stand up for what they believe is right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    This is something I often think about.

    DH and I tonight watched the first Ep in a Foxtel series "secret lives of 4 year olds". It covers a group of pre schoolers in a daycare/kinder setting with trained educators guiding them, and child psychologists studying and then making observations on certain behaviours and traits. Interestingly it's not always the 'obvious' things that point to children being good or empathetic or successful or resilient (or whatever you want them to be) later in life. An example was this boy who was displaying bullying type behaviour and was just a naughty kid, but actually by the end of the program he had quickly learnt that this wasn't getting him very far and was a pretty intelligent kid who cared about his peers etc.

    Really interesting, I'd encourage you to have a look if you can.
    Which channel was it? Sounds great

  3. #13
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    On Foxtel (Lifestyle), I think there are a series of difference ones for different age groups. If you Google it you'll see some commentary on the program, it's UK based and was pretty popular over there.

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    For me, to answer the original question (sorry to slightly derail OP!) I think my most important value that I'd like to pass on to my children is acceptance of difference. Be it gender, age, race, s3xuality, appearance, whatever.

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    I agree that leading by example is very important, so I make a point of it no matter how inconvenient, of course no one is perfect so when I make a mistake I think it's important to acknowledge it, apologies if need be, and show them that I'll try be better next time.

    For me its important that my daughter has her own opinion, that she take a stance for what she believes in. She'll soon be 12, she isn't yet swayed by peers and she regularly sticks up for the kid in her year level that gets picked on, she asked me not long ago to speak to the teacher about him getting picked on, so I did, I admire that she has such empathy.
    DS just turned 5, and knows girls can do everything boys can, and there are no boys and girls jobs around our house .

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    Empathy and accountability are big in our household. Everyone makes mistakes, including mum and dad. But we take ownership and try to do better next time. We have also instilled and role modeled empathy. We ask the kids even when very young "how you do think X felt when you pinched them?".

    I refuse to raise narcissistic adults who blame everyone else for their mistakes and don't care about others.

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    There are so many things that I hope my children will be but I think the overriding thing is kindness. I want them to be kind. X

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    I want the same for my DS as what has already been said.

    I think some previous PPs have hit the nail on the head. You aren't perfect, so you can't always expect yourself to set a good example all of the time. What you can do is demonstrate to your kids that you did the wrong thing, you are accountable for it, and you do your best to atone for it. That way you show your kids what to do if they do something that wasn't exactly desirable behaviour. You also don't give them a sense that they can never be as good as you, so why bother even trying.

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    I'm loving all of your replies so thank you!!! And it's really interesting to hear from those with older kids to actually see how your parenting is turning out.

    That tv show sounds fascinating, will be checking to see if I can watch it online

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  11. #20
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    I think there's no 100% foolproof way to guarantee your kids are good people, but the best way to try is to
    - lead by example: be a good person and when you do **** up then own it and make amends

    - say no sometimes: help them realise they can cope if they don't get their own way

    - model active listening and positive conflict resolution (I wish I had had this when I was a child)

    - provide a range of experiences so they can learn and respect that we are all different and that's ok

    All good in theory :-)

    As for my son - I just want for him to be honest, secure enough in himself to resist peer pressure and stupid decisions, and humble/grateful (ie admitting when he's wrong; thanking others for support etc). If he can be those three things then I'll think I've done right by him.


 

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