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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    . I have stood my ground regarding the holiday more times than I can count. I've been very clear about how important it is to me, and I've gone over it with him many times, yet he will not budge on the issue so now it's done and I have to cancel. :-(
    Is there anything from stopping you going without your hubby? With a friend?

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  3. #12
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    Default WWYD? DH rude or am I too sensitive? *mini-vent*

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Is there anything from stopping you going without your hubby? With a friend?
    Nice idea in principle however, it's not really the point is it? You enter into a relationship/marriage with an expectation that you will spend quality time together.For me this also includes trips away to escape the daily grind

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carpe diem 2013 View Post
    Nice idea in principle however, it's not really the point is it? You enter into a relationship/marriage with an expectation that you will spend quality time together.For me this also includes trips away to escape the daily grind
    Yep. This. The course was actually a couples thing that we've done before and we were staying at the same place where DH proposed to me, so it was pretty special and I don't think we'll get there again as they don't run them very often.

  6. #14
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    I'm so sorry you're in this situation. He really does sound like a d*ck. If I had to be honest, if I was in your position I would put a stop to the baby making as it doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship to be born into and I think a baby will only make things worse.

    I think you need to sit down with your OH and have a serious conversation about how your relationship is going.. where each of you think it's going and how it's going and see what he comes up with. Mention that you really need some time away with him and he needs to commit to SOMETHING even if it's just a long weekend away at a different time if it's SO busy right now.

    I hope everything works out okay. Maybe he's just feeling disheartened/sad because of the miscarriages and is taking it out on you unintentionally?

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    Hugs. I'd be hurt too. I don't think you're blowing things out of proportion. I hope it all works out.

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  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    @MissMuppet he pretty much dictated that we had to cancel the holiday as his business is too busy for him to leave unattended at the moment. I've begged, pleaded, reasoned, and had it out with him over it but he won't budge. He's now said that we'll plan something else later in the year so we'll see. You are correct, over the past year he has become much more dismissive of me and I'm feeling very much taken for granted, hence the post about stuff that probably shouldn't matter as much as it does.

    @witherwings thanks for your feedback and support, you're right I can't take these small incidents and globally label him as being unsupportive, but obviously this type of stuff has been going on for quite a while, for me (who is usually very balanced, logical and emotionally stable) to be getting upset. I have talked to him very clearly about my needs that aren't being met, and we've also had counseling, so it's not like he doesn't know, it just seems like he really couldn't be bothered.

    @DT75 Congratulations on the arrival of your bubs!! But I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are in marriage too and I totally understand how you feel. It's not just the small incidents that happen regularly on their own, it's the cumulative effect of them and the overriding attitude behind them. I guess why I'm starting to get so upset over it is that prior to the past year DH wasn't like this at all. We were amazingly close, he was kind, genuinely interested in me, excited to spend time together and didn't take me for granted at all. He changed after my last miscarriage and things have been progressively getting worse. As long as his needs are met (and I look after everything, same as you) all is well, but my needs are overlooked time and time again, even when they are clearly discussed with him.

    @A-Squared yes there is still quite a bit of affection there, but over the past year his behaviour has changed quite drastically. It started with the last miscarriage and blew right up with the accountant issues we had. He is very stressed at the moment and I try to be very understanding and supportive, but there is a limit to how much self-absorption I can take without being recognised for the huge effort I put in. I know I'm having a little pity party today and tomorrow I'll just get on with things, but to have the husband I adore be so distant and not willing to put me first at any time is starting to really hurt.

    @VicPark I don't usually have such poor emotional intelligence to not speak up for myself or to have a silent cranky - that's not my normal behaviour but I just got to the point last night after over a year of increasingly bad behaviour by my DH & being really tired, for it to just be a bit too much. I have stood my ground regarding the holiday more times than I can count. I've been very clear about how important it is to me, and I've gone over it with him many times, yet he will not budge on the issue so now it's done and I have to cancel. This isn't about me not being able to speak up, I'm actually tired of speaking up and not being heard. :-(
    If it's been going on for a year and you have even had counselling then I it might be more of (b) than (a).

    I don't really know what more you can do it if he isn't listening to you when you do speak up about your feelings. Maybe some time apart might be a solution for now? There's no point being so unhappy and resentful. He seems to put his business as a top priority, and it might be time for him to reassess what's really important in his life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Renesme View Post
    I'm so sorry you're in this situation. He really does sound like a d*ck. If I had to be honest, if I was in your position I would put a stop to the baby making as it doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship to be born into and I think a baby will only make things worse.

    I think you need to sit down with your OH and have a serious conversation about how your relationship is going.. where each of you think it's going and how it's going and see what he comes up with. Mention that you really need some time away with him and he needs to commit to SOMETHING even if it's just a long weekend away at a different time if it's SO busy right now.

    I hope everything works out okay. Maybe he's just feeling disheartened/sad because of the miscarriages and is taking it out on you unintentionally?
    Thanks @Renesme yes the baby making is on hold for the moment, & the counselor we saw said that he's bottled up all his grief & hasn't dealt with it properly. It comes out in anger & disinterest in IVF as he can't face another miscarriage.

    We have had some big conversations about our relationship & there have been some positive changes, but I am still feeling lost & know that we need quality time together to rebuild things.

    We're just in the middle of changing custody arrangements for DSS & once all that is finalized in the next month or so we will have every second weekend to ourselves which we haven't had since we've been together (we've had DSS every weekend - now changing to week about) so DH has promised me weekends away & said we will plan a holiday once we know the final schedule for DSS. I hope he means it...

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    If it's been going on for a year and you have even had counselling then I it might be more of (b) than (a).

    I don't really know what more you can do it if he isn't listening to you when you do speak up about your feelings. Maybe some time apart might be a solution for now? There's no point being so unhappy and resentful. He seems to put his business as a top priority, and it might be time for him to reassess what's really important in his life.
    Thanks @witherwings his top priority is his business & I do understand that at the moment as it is fully supporting both of us, but under that comes his sons, then his friends & his social life & golf & fishing & surfing & football & somewhere not even on the page is me. I have thought about a trial separation but I'm not sure that we need to go there yet, but as a way of taking some time out to reassess what we really want & how important our relationship is, maybe it could be an option?

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    Default WWYD? DH rude or am I too sensitive? *mini-vent*

    Hey Hun, I've been reading quietly along. I agree that I don't think you're overreacting but just wanted to put in my couple of cents.

    I know it was asked in the accountant thread, but are you 100% sure he's not having an affair? Even if it's a grey area like an emotional affair or a crush or something he's not sure how to handle? Or could there be something else he's holding back from you - something about the business maybe?

    Also, I just wanted to advise you to be careful about going down the trial separation road. You have to be prepared for it to end in actual separation, because of the four options that can come out of it only one involves staying married. It's a huge risk to take and one that I wish I'd thought through better. I know you said that you don't think you're there yet so it's probably irrelevant.

    You seem like a very open and kind and fair person so I'm a bit baffled as to how he could be treating you like this tbh. I hope he pulls himself together soon x
    Last edited by harvs; 12-03-2016 at 21:01.

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    Default WWYD? DH rude or am I too sensitive? *mini-vent*

    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Thanks @witherwings his top priority is his business & I do understand that at the moment as it is fully supporting both of us, but under that comes his sons, then his friends & his social life & golf & fishing & surfing & football & somewhere not even on the page is me. I have thought about a trial separation but I'm not sure that we need to go there yet, but as a way of taking some time out to reassess what we really want & how important our relationship is, maybe it could be an option?
    I'm glad to hear you're not quite there yet. Hopefully once the schedule with his son is finalised you will have more time together. Maybe he also needs more time to grieve about the losses with IVF.. It sounds to me like he is trying to make an effort but is kind of stuck between two lives - one where he is a busy entrepreneur and needs to make time for his son, and the other where he is a loving partner and wants to start a family with you. Maybe some more time and just continuing to be communicative is all that's required?

    Good luck x

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