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  1. #1
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    Default Self-setting at bedtime

    *Settling, not setting !! Haha

    Hi everyone,

    My DS has always been an up & down sleeper, he's just an energetic lively bub who thinks sleep is a waste of time. Plus I'm sure I made things worse by doing whatever I could to get him to sleep for a good few months (rock/bounce/feed/everything/anything/all at the same time) haha. He's 7.5 months old now and we ended up going for a day stay at our local sleep school last week. It was great, he is now self-settling for most naps (sometimes with a little whinge, sometimes just chatting woohoo) and at night when he wakes we wait one or two minutes and he often goes back to sleep by himself. So he's really got the hang of putting himself to sleep, little champ!! But bedtime is still hard... we do bath - feed - brush teeth - story - bed (with sleeping bag and comforter) but most nights he cries a lot so I end up going in and patting him to sleep (I am okay with this, I am more of an attachment parent so I don't want him to feel nobody is coming if he really needs us). Whingeing I can (now) tolerate (after a lot of learning haha) but not the full on crying, no way. I'm just wondering if anybody else who has sleep trained has found that the going down at night was a lot harder than self settling for naps??? I am happy he's falling asleep in his cot even with me patting him, and very happy with his progress. But I'm not sure why he fights so bad at bedtime. He is in the process of dropping his third nap so maybe he is a bit overtired by the time bedtime rolls around. It also seems to me like he's really sleepy after his feed and then we brush his teeth and read his book and it wakes him up again, he tries to grab the book and my face and he smiles up at me. But if I make the feed the last thing, that's basically feeding him to sleep not self-settling.

    Sorry for the ramble, any thoughts most welcome!!!

    Thanks! xox
    Last edited by Fi Poledancer; 11-03-2016 at 21:50.

  2. #2
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    Look - you aren't going to like this but here goes.

    Why wake your sleepy bub after his feed with a book???? Just put him down to sleep.

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    Default Self-setting at bedtime

    If the night nap is more difficult than day naps that suggests the sleep scene isn't the best come night bed time?

    Might be worth taking a fresh look Bubs day routine? At 7.5 months my first thought is that the third nap should be long gone by now.
    When does bub wake in the morning? What time are the day naps (and how long are they for?) and what time is bedtime?

    If bub is finding it too hard to last until bedtime then possibly bub isn't getting enough sleep during the day (if sleeps are timed incorrectly bub may just catnap - you should be getting at least 4 hours total day naps at 7.5 months). Or bubs bedtime is possibly too late.

    Hopefully tweaking the day naps lead to bub not being so tired at bedtime (meaning you don't have to feed to sleep etc which is a sleep aid and can lead to night waking).
    Last edited by VicPark; 11-03-2016 at 22:41.

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    My DD is 8 months and we've had a terrible run recently but things have turned around recently after having a sleep consultant helping us with a wind down routine. I agree with the above - you're winding him down and then waking him up again with a story and teeth brushing. I think just give him his bottle, a cuddle and put him down.

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    Default Self-setting at bedtime

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Look - you aren't going to like this but here goes.

    Why wake your sleepy bub after his feed with a book???? Hav Just put him down to sleep.
    While it probably isn't the answer your looking for, but- I agree with this, my DD used to wake up with the bed time story so we just skipped it till she was a little older.
    Last edited by sparklebug; 12-03-2016 at 04:42.

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    I can't relate to the night being worse than day sleeps as I had the opposite problem with daytimes taking a lot longer to get bub to self settle, but from my experience with sleep training (I've got an 8 month old and a 2 year old) I've found that both of mine are very ready for bed by the time 7pm rolls. Although often people say being overtired is worse with mine they seem to go to sleep quickly as they are just so tied and ready for sleep. Ds has a good day sleep around lunchtime then another short 30 min nap around 3.30 so he's then awake for at least 3 hours before bed which for him seems to be OK as he's getting grumpy but not horrendous.
    I also find that after bath bubs has just had enough so I just try to get him dressed as quickly as possible while he's starting to get upset and grumpy and just put him straight down after a kiss and good night. When I started sleep training I was feeding him after bath but found he was half asleep when putting him down and we have not had a great deal of success with the sleep training (he still can't resettle at night so we still have multiple night wakings but have cracked the self settling) so I tried to separate the feeding and sleep. If he will take it I try to give him a milk feed about 30 mins or so before bed, ie before bath.
    As you are probably aware sleep and training are very contentious issues on bubhub and people seem to sit in one camp or the others. Those who agree with training will advice strongly against feeding to sleep as it creates an association bub needs, whilst those in the other camp will say you are only doing what is natural. All I would say is if you do want to see things through be careful not to give in too much as even though it might not seem to make much difference at first with time things can slide back. I spent weeks trying to sleep train ds2 with cc and it was so hard but we eventually reached a point where he was going to sleep fine and only waking couple times at night. Then I went to Perth for a couple of weeks and he was totally thrown out so I reverted to feeding to sleep during the wake ups to avoid waking everybody up. Sadly since then we seem to have gradually gone back to the beginning with baby having at least 3 night feeds and a few wake ups inbetween where he's getting impossible to get back to sleep. I can't bring myself to go anymore training as we are travelling to Europe at the end of the month so I know things will be all over the place but when I get back I think I will be considering a sleep consultant as the methods that worked so well with ds1 don't seem to be this time!

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    @nh2489 You're right, totally divided opinions!! Feeding before bath is an option but he tends to be too distracted then to get a good feed... worth a try though. He gets soo tired while I'm putting on his PJs so he's definitely ready for bed by then.

    @babyla and @Rose&Aurelia&Hannah and @sparklebug I am definitely open to feeding him til sleepy, even at sleep school the lady said that it's okay to do this as long as he's self settling for naps and resettling himself relatively well in the night, which he is. So thank you for the suggestions! My DH does disagree with this as he thinks if I feed him to sleep we will go backwards.
    @VicPark the routine we have during the day is really good, it was recommended to me by sleep school. She said it's a normal age to drop the third nap. He usually does around 3.5 hours day sleep all together, with at least one long nap around 2 hrs. But you're right that he is SUPER tired by bed time, so I could try increasing the length of his second nap, so that he doesn't need to catnap (which sometimes makes them feel worse I think). Thanks for the ideas.

    Thanks again ladies I might try dropping the book for awhile, just brushing his teeth gently, having a cuddle and putting him down. I think it might be his temperament that the book is just too exciting haha xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fi Poledancer View Post
    *Settling, not setting !! Haha

    Hi everyone,

    My DS has always been an up & down sleeper, he's just an energetic lively bub who thinks sleep is a waste of time. Plus I'm sure I made things worse by doing whatever I could to get him to sleep for a good few months (rock/bounce/feed/everything/anything/all at the same time) haha. He's 7.5 months old now and we ended up going for a day stay at our local sleep school last week. It was great, he is now self-settling for most naps (sometimes with a little whinge, sometimes just chatting woohoo) and at night when he wakes we wait one or two minutes and he often goes back to sleep by himself. So he's really got the hang of putting himself to sleep, little champ!! But bedtime is still hard... we do bath - feed - brush teeth - story - bed (with sleeping bag and comforter) but most nights he cries a lot so I end up going in and patting him to sleep (I am okay with this, I am more of an attachment parent so I don't want him to feel nobody is coming if he really needs us). Whingeing I can (now) tolerate (after a lot of learning haha) but not the full on crying, no way. I'm just wondering if anybody else who has sleep trained has found that the going down at night was a lot harder than self settling for naps??? I am happy he's falling asleep in his cot even with me patting him, and very happy with his progress. But I'm not sure why he fights so bad at bedtime. He is in the process of dropping his third nap so maybe he is a bit overtired by the time bedtime rolls around. It also seems to me like he's really sleepy after his feed and then we brush his teeth and read his book and it wakes him up again, he tries to grab the book and my face and he smiles up at me. But if I make the feed the last thing, that's basically feeding him to sleep not self-settling.

    Sorry for the ramble, any thoughts most welcome!!!

    Thanks! xox
    Hello. I was just reading your thread and wondered how you were going with dropping the third nap and book time?

  13. #9
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    He didn't have his third nap today even though he was tired. Even took him in the pram but no luck. I didn't do the book before bed, he still screamed the house down and I had to rock & pat to sleep. I hate to think I am undoing the progress but I left him for five minutes and he was hysterical, I couldn't leave him. I feel stuck! Why can he self settle during the day but not at night?! I feel a bit stressed right now... Normally I would follow my instincts but when I did that he was waking every couple of hours so now I am trusting others... Not sure how much longer I can deal with the crying though (yes I know I am making it worse by going in but he was distressed).

  14. #10
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    I'm thinking that your routine might need a little adjustment. Maybe putting feed last? Our routine is bath, brush teeth, read a book, feed then bed. I've always fed in the dark and once I finish, I put my dd straight into bed. Sometimes she rolls over straight away and goes to sleep. Other nights she has a bit of a chat then goes to sleep.

    Good luck 😊


 

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