+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst ... 234
Results 31 to 40 of 40
  1. #31
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,845
    Thanks
    1,822
    Thanked
    1,423
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    The duration sounds about right to me- my dad played soccer when we were young and was gone up to 15 hours a week, on top of a 55 hour work week.
    Then he became a coach and was gone up to 25 hours a week on top of a 55 hour work week.

    It drove mum nuts. He took a year off it- both playing and coaching- and was so miserable and grumpy that mum forced him to go back.

    ETA: mine doesn't play thank god- as the kids' sports take up more time that his would lol
    Last edited by DT75; 11-03-2016 at 11:24.

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    2 nights training is normal. I also hate AFL but after 11 years with my sport-mad DH I now understand it.

    It is unfortunate and links in with the 'equality' discussion in another thread, but traditional male social recreation happens out of the home and takes many hours (cricket, fishing, golf etc). Women's traditional recreational activities have, IMO have been borne of necessity to be at home or not gone for extended periods. Buuut, that's a whole other discussion!

    This thread, like many on bubhub is spilling out lots of the usual "you work all day too, family above all else etc" but I've been pondering this from your DH's perspective.

    For many years now he's only had a "home" part time. He's been unable to lay roots and and make his own friends. Working near your old home, given his career was not possible so you both decided to try the move.

    I know how hard it is being away from family that you are close to and that it takes time to get your new support "village". I 100% know where you are at because I have been there myself (just with less kids! )

    I'm going to guess though that your DH has been struggling through with his loneliness for years now and, the way he sees it, he can finally have a life outside of family and work.

    I know you have little kids and it's easy for someone on the outside to say "no, not while the kids are little " but, you've spoken before about a 4th being on the cards, so does he need to wait another 5-7 years before he can do this?

    I'm not pooh-poohing all the other comments in this thread. I just worry ifyou go in with a "I'm putting my foot down" attitude it may not have the most productive outcome as this may be something that he really needs.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (11-03-2016)

  4. #33
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    1,266
    Thanks
    469
    Thanked
    583
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My dh is very sporty. He lives and breathes sport. We met because he was my soccer coach, at the time in addition to coaching a women's team he also played in a men's outdoor team, 2 indoor soccer teams, indoor soccer referee, umpired cricket, surf club member and had season footy membership.

    Now that we have 3 kids all he is able to commit to himself is an indoor soccer team and a gym membership. Oh, and bloody dream team helps him satisfy some of his sporting needs He coaches our kids teams but he knows with the ages of ours kids its not possible to do more right now and sustain our relationship. As they all get older we are both wanting to get back into sport more.

    ETA: indoor soccer games are 20 min halves. So super quick. And no weekly training necessary. I would not cope with him spending 10 hrs per week dedicated to one team.
    Last edited by Barnaby; 11-03-2016 at 13:51.

  5. #34
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4,211
    Thanks
    3,646
    Thanked
    3,454
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I do go to the gym. 3X mornings from 5.30-6.30am whilst Kids are asleep or watching tv. So he is home technically but no actual parenting needed other than getting him breakfast. I then also go 2X a week with the kids in tow.

    I'm also finding it harder to understand as I've never played a sport. My family aren't sporting and the whole weekend sport culture is new to me. We never did it growing up and none of our circle did either. I've also got zero interest in afl and won't be attending the games with all three kids in Canberra winters.

    His team consist of mainly young singles or men with no kids. They do have lots of evening drinks that dh doesn't attend. I do appreciate that.

    I know dh is lonely. His closest friend sadly is my brother. My mum always makes his favourite dish for his B-Day. His folks don't do much for them and I understand that he wants something that's just his.

    But at what cost? I will try to get him to drop one night of training and maybe only get to the game an hour before on Saturdays.

    I guess I thought it would be easier when we were finally living together. But it's not. It's much harder and much more isolating.
    I don't think you should feel you have to defend yourself. Of course it's good for all to have time to theirselves but when you're living away from family, working long hours AND have young children--something has to give and unfortunately that something is usually not being able to do what we want. You and I are in very similar boats so I totally get where you're coming from. He does need friends but at the same time he can't be sacrificing family time and helping you for it. I'm not sure if it's the same in Canberra but does the footy club have different levels? DH's had 1s, 2s and 3s/clubbies. 1s and 2s was pretty demanding training and game wise, which was what he played but clubbies was more just for fun, a game Saturday morning and they either didn't train or it was optional. Is that an option? Then he's still meeting people but it's a lot less time away from home.

  6. #35
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    6,868
    Thanks
    5,194
    Thanked
    3,894
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Just to update.... had a big chat to dh. He said he was planning only going to one training a week once the season commenced. And that he was only going two hours before the first match as they are getting their uniforms this week. Otherwise it would only be an hour or so before the game.

    He looked at me as I was an absolute tool for thinking he would do otherwise.

    Oh and the long shifts at work - he was covering for a guy who's wife is heavily pregnant and needed flexible shifts at work. That guy covered for dh last when he was flying up and down all the time.

    He then told me to definitely do some Bollywood dancing and said he hoped it would translate to the bedroom. Then he winked idiotically at me.

    All in all I was upset for no reason. He has gone out tonight for drinks but has already put the big kids to bed and told me to put my feet up.

    So. I'm an idiot.

  7. The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Rose&Aurelia&Hannah For This Useful Post:

    amiracle4me  (11-03-2016),BabyG4  (11-03-2016),Barnaby  (11-03-2016),Gentoo  (11-03-2016),HollyGolightly81  (11-03-2016),Jontu  (11-03-2016),Little Miss Sunshine  (11-03-2016),LoveLivesHere  (11-03-2016),Renn  (11-03-2016),SSecret Squirrel  (11-03-2016),Stretched  (11-03-2016)

  8. #36
    hakuna matata's Avatar
    hakuna matata is offline The artist formerly know as babyhopeful
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    5,384
    Thanks
    792
    Thanked
    2,435
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Just to update.... had a big chat to dh. He said he was planning only going to one training a week once the season commenced. And that he was only going two hours before the first match as they are getting their uniforms this week. Otherwise it would only be an hour or so before the game.

    He looked at me as I was an absolute tool for thinking he would do otherwise.

    Oh and the long shifts at work - he was covering for a guy who's wife is heavily pregnant and needed flexible shifts at work. That guy covered for dh last when he was flying up and down all the time.

    He then told me to definitely do some Bollywood dancing and said he hoped it would translate to the bedroom. Then he winked idiotically at me.

    All in all I was upset for no reason. He has gone out tonight for drinks but has already put the big kids to bed and told me to put my feet up.

    So. I'm an idiot.
    Not an idiot. Just a misunderstanding. Glad you talked it out rather than stewing on it.

  9. #37
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,089
    Thanks
    1,285
    Thanked
    1,181
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    DH does crossfit 5 days a week and has now joined a soccer team that our friend started. I'm glad he is doing a team sport as he has never done team sports before and isn't much of a team player when it comes to work and relationships with friends so i hope this helps him improve his social intelligence the soccer atm is taking up 1.5 hours a week for training and I assume about 2 hours for the game. So that is a total of 8.5 hours. It sounds like a lot but honestly, I'm happy for him and I know he would be equally supportive and actually quite happy if I dedicated that much time a week to sport. I usually do about 5 hours a week on exercise (crossfit and spin class) but before I had kids it was probably about 10 hours or more because I was indoor rock climbing regularly and each session is at least 2 hours).

    I don't think the number of hours is the issue. It's more to do with what your relationship is like and how you spend the rest of your time together. If the sport means you have no time together then yes, it is too much. But if you still get a good few hours a day together during the week and most of the weekend, then i don't see it being a bad thing.

  10. #38
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,089
    Thanks
    1,285
    Thanked
    1,181
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by hakuna matata View Post
    Not an idiot. Just a misunderstanding. Glad you talked it out rather than stewing on it.
    This. Big thumbs up!

  11. #39
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    916
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked
    494
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    Just to update.... had a big chat to dh. He said he was planning only going to one training a week once the season commenced. And that he was only going two hours before the first match as they are getting their uniforms this week. Otherwise it would only be an hour or so before the game.

    He looked at me as I was an absolute tool for thinking he would do otherwise.

    Oh and the long shifts at work - he was covering for a guy who's wife is heavily pregnant and needed flexible shifts at work. That guy covered for dh last when he was flying up and down all the time.

    He then told me to definitely do some Bollywood dancing and said he hoped it would translate to the bedroom. Then he winked idiotically at me.

    All in all I was upset for no reason. He has gone out tonight for drinks but has already put the big kids to bed and told me to put my feet up.

    So. I'm an idiot.
    Lol.. Glad to hear it.. Not that you're an idiot.. That all is well again 😊

  12. #40
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    1,247
    Thanks
    1,058
    Thanked
    804
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Only just read the thread. Glad to hear all is well.
    Footy is big in Canberra - so many people play it. And they can get quite serious about it. All the ladies I knew said similar things about the training, and their DPs dropped one training session after they'd had kids. You may find another group of friends in your DH's team mates' DPs (did that make sense?). Often there are social events organised with the teams and apparently the women all got on quite well (although I imagine it could vary quite widely!).


 

Similar Threads

  1. Sport on tv. Your thoughts?
    By Freyamum in forum General Chat
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 19-09-2015, 17:51
  2. Playing sport after MC
    By JET09 in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 21-05-2015, 15:04
  3. Toddlers at sport!
    By BigweeBigwee in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 21-03-2015, 16:49

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Bamboo Lulu
Unique, non-toxic wooden eco toys for babies. Water-based paints, saliva-resistant & baby safe. Super soft, prints & basics for baby, made from bamboo & organic cotton. Hypoallergenic - great for eczema relief. FREE gift with purchase. Code BUBHUB
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Vibe Natural Health
Your natural health care team for fertility, pregnancy, post natal and family health care. Our Naturopaths, Doctors, Osteopaths, Acupuncturists, Psychologists,Nutritionists, Pilates, & Massage specialise in women & children's health and wellbeing.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!