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  1. #11
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    Just hugs. It's a tough situation xx

  2. #12
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    It is normal in my house. My DH has multiple hobbies. It drives me nuts sometimes.
    As for sport he usually plays hockey year round (2 teams in winter, 1 team in summer) and baseball in summer. So in winter he plays hockey on the weekend which is 4/5 hours total, hockey Monday night which is another few hours, training Wednesday night which is 2hrs. In summer it's baseball Saturday 5hrs all up, training Thursday 2 hours, hockey Monday night a few hours.
    He works 6:30am-5pm so taking out another 10+hours for sport is huge. This summer he chose not to play baseball as DD was only 4 months at the start of the season and I was struggling. I'm so glad he did that. So he's just been playing hockey Monday nights.
    Soon winter hockey season will start which will mean games on the weekend plus Monday night plus training Wednesday. He will probably not do training as I will crack it if I have to do 2 week nights by myself as I have DD by myself all day too with no help.
    We also have a veto rule - if I'm really struggling then I can say hey can you not play this week I need help. And if I say that he knows I really need it so he cancels no questions asked.
    I do think they should have that outlet. Sport is healthy and good role modeling for kids to be part of a team and club and commit to it. BUT you should also get equal opportunity to have a big break from the kids to go do something for yourself too. So if he plays on Saturday maybe you get a couple of hours Sunday to do what you like or whatever works. If he's not willing to give you that then his sport can bugger off. Only fair.
    I'd also negotiate only 1 training session a week - 2 is OTT. Also you need to have a veto rule so he will cancel training/game if you're having a hard time. DH needs to be at games at least 1/2hr before so I'm not sure why your DH needs to waste 2hrs beforehand seems a bit silly.
    It's hard to navigate without feeling resentful. I feel like my DH is always looking after his own needs without a second thought as I'm just here to look after DD/keep house running.

  3. #13
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    Hello. Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit over it. My hubby doesn't play footy ( although loves watching it! ) but needs the gym to function . Since having bub tho it's decreased and he either goes for a run at work lunchtime or leaves work early so he rarely misses her bath time. It's then about 4hrs at the weekend.

    I can see how your DH is needing the male company and exercise after work as he's also needing to make new friends and unwind so I don't think he's being too unreasonable. Two training sessions a week tho is too much for someone with a young family so if he could cut back to one Mon - Fri then that would be a lot fairer. After a long day of childcare the evening shift needs some support!

    It's also about balance. If he is doing all this to cultivate his self then can you then do the same? Maybe go to a yoga or Pilates class on the Sunday or an evening class once a week. If you have something for you too then it may seem less like the pendulum is swinging in his favour. You may also get to meet some new friends also!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    I'm loathe to tell him to stop as he is lonely. All his mates are flung across Australia or on deployments. For the last ten years- his bday celebrations have pretty much only been my family and a few of my/joint friends attending. Like this year- his bday is Easter Monday- my mum and my brother/SIL/niece are flying in as we found out his parents won't be coming.

    I truly get he wants mateship. But 9-10hrs a week?!?!? I barely get 2hrs a fortnight without all the kids. I was hoping to take up Bollywood dancing but I can't. Nor can I work evenings when my mat leave is over or we'd never spend time together.

    I just don't know what to do.
    What's preventing you doing your Bollywood lessons OP? Can he not mind the kids once a week?

  5. #15
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    DH has taken up footy again now we have moved back to the country. It is an awesome way for him to meet people and become part of the local community quickly. The club is also linked to the netball club and do family days etc. So I have met school mum's there whuch meant that once DD switched to the local school I already had mums to say hi to. Sometimes some of the (primary age ) kids go hang out while their dad's are training too, so DD sometimes goes on Tuesdays.

    Pre-season has been 2 nights training 2hrs, plus DH needed to get back into shape so he's been going to the gym most ither nights after work and doing a 2hr ride on the weekend. He'll be dropping the gym once games start.

    One night training is quick but the other they are obliged to hang around while they announce selections etc. On the day they do need to get there early and be available to stay if there are any disputes. DH was umpiring footy last winter and he would often have to stay to report someone etc.

    I am not really happy, but we agreed that I would work part time this year so I could focus on making local friends and getting involved. DH would have been just as happy to go part time. Do he needs this to start making new friends. I'm still struggling with time to myself so we have decided to put DS into daycare on one of my non work days while DD is at school.

    I'm also reminding DH that this puts him in debit for time to himself/his pursuits and that once the season is over I will be expecting him to reimburse me! lol

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    What's preventing you doing your Bollywood lessons OP? Can he not mind the kids once a week?
    He leaves work early on training nights so he works late on other nights. If I do Bollywood dancing once a week we would only spend two evenings a week together.

    I thought me moving down here would mean we'd have more family/couple time. Not less.

  7. #17
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    Default How much time for sport?

    I had the same issue with DH when we moved States.

    He had to be at soccer an hour before + travel time then drinks after a game & training during the week.

    It basically meant that with his long hours we only got to spend Saturday's as a family - and on that day he's want to tidy the garden etc.

    I don't mind him playing but we were so lonely and then not o have him during the weekends was totally isolating. So he stopped going to drinks and (thankfully) they all got too lazy to train.

    I ended up going along to the games. That way the kids could get out a bit and we met some of the families involved.

    Personally I think having to be there 2 hours early is a lot of bulldust. Ask him if he can get there later, and maybe see if you guys can go along (if it interests you to do so).

    I feel bad not to 'allow' DH not to play sport, but it is very isolating if the wide has no support base around.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by misho; 11-03-2016 at 08:04.

  8. #18
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    I wish my husband was out playing sport- he's overweight and plays his consoles in the evenings/weekends. I'd rather that then him being here but not being "present".

    My point is we all have our battles with our DHs. It's inherently unfair they can take time out to do something they enjoy but we are unable to do the same.

    I hope you can speak up and come to some arrangement. I don't think it's unreasonable to either cut down or give you some time out if it's having a negative impact on the family.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    He leaves work early on training nights so he works late on other nights. If I do Bollywood dancing once a week we would only spend two evenings a week together.

    I thought me moving down here would mean we'd have more family/couple time. Not less.
    Oh boo.. What about Sunday's? It's hard for a mother to leave the family at the weekends as you feel guilty. The one hour it would take you to do something for yourself tho will pay huge dividends to the family in the end.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by amiracle4me View Post
    Oh boo.. What about Sunday's? It's hard for a mother to leave the family at the weekends as you feel guilty. The one hour it would take you to do something for yourself tho will pay huge dividends to the family in the end.
    Sunday's we have church in the morning and I'd like us to have at least one family day a week. But then jobs around the house don't get done by dh as I make him spend time with the Kids. So I'm doing everything during the week with the kids so he can have fun times with them. Which sucks.


 

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