Like a lot of posts start, I am not sure this is where this belongs, but it is a subject that makes me feel down and contributes to my depression and trust issues with people. This post is about my on going struggle to connect to my mother
Growing up I didn't get the right support from my mum, financially, emotionally, a lot of the time I felt like she didn't like me very much. I still feel this way at times, well just the last part.
I feel like if I didn't have my son, who my mum admittedly does adore, I wouldn't see or talk to her at all. Actually I wouldn't see or talk to her at all if I wasn't making effort all the time!
I stopped talking to her a few months ago because I was tired of being the only one to call, visit or even text. She never initiated any of those things with me. I let her know how I felt many times and would continue to contact her just so I could talk to and see my mum. She would only get excited to see my son and would never ask about my life or feelings, when she did finally visit (when I'd ask her to.)
Everytime I confronted her about not contacting me or making effort to see me she would claim that she was busy with 'life'. At the time I was volunteering, studying full time, and looking after my home and family so I knew about busy! All the children she has at home go to school and she didn't study or work so I often wondered what she was so busy with. She always had time for my other sister who is in her 20's and moved out of home and has treated my mum badly in the past (another story too long to get into) I know for a fact she texts her everyday, she would text her while I was with her! But I rarely got a text saying hello or asking how I was.
So after some incidents involving said sister and me having enough of her not caring about what was going on with me, I cut her out of my life completely. It only lasted 2 months, I'm a softie and my social life started to dwindle (I dropped out of study and volunteering) and I fell pregnant. I thought after not speaking to her for 2 months she would see where she was wrong. Well I was wrong.
I've been pregnant for 2 months and I still rarely hear from my mum. She sent me a text once asking how I've been and I told her I've been feeling depressed as I have been isolated with no friends to talk to, and no family around. She said she needed an adult talk to and made plans to come see me that Friday. Friday came and she gave me 3 different excuses as to why she couldn't come over.
That was 3 weeks ago.. In that time my depressipon has got worse (being pregnant doesn't help) and she has seen posts on my facebook hinting about being down and going through things like the high risk NT results I received and just general blues, still no message.
It would be easier for me to let go of my resentment of her not making effort if her house was a nicer environment for me and my son to visit, but she verbally abuses my little sisters, smokes cigarettes and cannibas in the loungeroom around the kids, doesn't clean the house and the list goes on.
I know I am probably better off without her around but I am strongly a family person and I need my mum.. My dad is a deadbeat a**hole and I don't have friends to turn to, I only have my partner.
I don't know if I need advice on what to do or just need to vent.. Either way I needed somewhere to get this all out. Thanks for reading if you got this far.