@JulieM, sending super good luck to you for your next scan. I know you're worried about how big you're getting but I can say unequivocally that your size will reduce dramatically at some point in the future (ie: at the birth!) Seriously though, enjoy every moment hon. It's all part of the joy of pregnancy
@Bongley, well done on being able to speak so eloquently at your SIL's funeral. I doubt I would have it in me to be so strong, and I'm sure you helped to give her a beautiful send-off. May she rest in peace and find comfort now that she has gone home. Also, I just wanted to say a very big thank you for all of your advice re EDA. I am so enjoying being a part of it all and am getting very excited at the prospect of The Next Step.
@Summer, your post makes me really sad hon. I can feel that there is a shift in your relationship and frankly I don't blame you for that. My own DH was very removed from our IVF process also, and I too heard those terrible words all on my own. In fact, my DH did not even come to the hospital with me for my D&C - my parents came instead. Still, I will give credit where credit is due. Now that we are talking about DE DH is very much on board and is FINALLY talking about the possibility of a baby for us. It has given him renewed hope and I really wish your DH had the same enthusiasm.
The thing is, as you've already pointed out, that without your support your DH would not be seeing his own son so much. I am taking a wild guess here but I reckon it is YOU and not HIM that does most of the ferrying around to school and activities and child-minding while DH is at work that allows him to have that access with his son.
I think you've done everything a reasonable sane woman can do to try and illicit his support in all of this and if it were me, yep, I'd be going the confrontational route by now too. I know you say you can't keep doing this on your own, and I disagree with that. You're a bl00dy strong woman and as far as I'm concerned if your DH doesn't want to be a part of this and support you, you would be more than capable of doing it on your own. Plus, with the fact that you're married and you are entitled to half of everything he has - well, frankly, you could afford to do it on your own too!
So perhaps a few choice words are in order. Maybe a bit of a gentle reminder that if it weren't for you, he wouldn't be seeing half as much of his son as he does now might prompt him into action. And if worse comes to worse, a warning of "You're either with me or you're against me, I'm happy to do this on my own" might be the only viable option left to you in the end.
I know it's easy for me to throw these ideas around and actually doing them is another matter entirely. At the same time I think it's important to consider all of your options and I sort of feel like you are already thinking along these lines anyway, so I hope I've not overstepped the mark in saying all of that.
Big hugs to you hon, these sorts of things are hard to navigate
Last edited by Blossom74; 20-03-2016 at 09:53.
I wish I had your front @BlondeinBrisvegas I prob should just ask them WTF their problem is but I fear as @Blossom74 said their response will be "your imaging it" or similar. Thank you for your replies ladies. I am feeling better because I have shared. I haven't been overly close to them for years now but feel the relationship has deteriorated to a point now where it is actually detrimental to me and my DH. It all began years ago when they got all their children so all of my Neices and nephews christened at the same time in a large ceremony and me and DH weren't invited to the ceremony by them. My mum asked me if I wanted to go sort of last minute but I said no as I was so hurt that none of them had asked me. Meanwhile they made each other and one of my sister in laws sisters the godparents so I was the only Aunty excluded not only from a role in the ceremony but the whole ceremony. I actually cried for days when this happened and my dad had a go at my brothers. My dad was quite disgusted and very angry on my behalf at the time by the whole thing. There was no reason given there was never an apology or anything it just sort of faded away and we all moved along with our lives. Also now I also fear of how they will treat our babies if we have them and I don't want my children feeling excluded by their uncles /aunties and cousins so think that it might be time to distance myself now before we get to that stage. That will give them ample opportunity to come to me if they notice or care about my complete disappearance from family events ect and then at least I might be able to see that as a form of an olive branch or they may do nothing which answers my Q's. I think I already know what they will do so really I already know the answer. Thanks again to everyone xo
@Maxwellsmum that sounds very hurtful and I'm sorry you have to be treated this way. if it were me I'd probably not go to dinners like that so as not to be put in that situation but it doesn't seem fair that they do this withiut reason. is it possible to ask them what the issue is either yourselves or through a mediator in case ther's a way it can be worked through?it's not fair to be treated this way, and least of all without knowing why. I think it's best to entertain with those who love you. to protect yourselves from pain.
Hello everyone. I've been off the thread for a few days so have just shared in all of the highs and lows of the last few days this morning.
@Tahli I'm so sorry to hear that the line has disappeared. It's so unfair. How can all this effort come to nothing. It's so hard to know what tests are out there and what will give the answer you need. From all of this I just pray there is an answer. There's got to be. I'm thinking of you xx
@midnite01 congrats on the house. Sounds like it's going to make a beautiful home.
@winsor sending love and support to you right now. I hope you can find a resting place for grace that you can visit often and say a few words to. You are an amazingly strong woman to have gone through this and I'm in awe of you x
@Charlie74 I read your post and understand how tough it is to grapple with the decision to continue or stop ivf but one thing I did pick up in your post is you saying maybe it's your fault. It isn't and how can it be your fault. It may be your body but you don't have complete control over what happens within it and your life can be much the same sometimes too. You deserve happiness. Just remember that. None of this is your fault.
Hello to everyone else this morning. I'm just starting to feel human again after drinking far too much on Friday night. I'm feeling extremely guilty and sorry for myself right now. I started a down reg cycle last week and have my initial appt on 1/04. I have been stressing out like mad about the money for this last attempt with a new clinic so I spoke to my manager. After hearing her advice I spoke to the Hr manager who has had two miscarriages lately. She understands how painful this journey is so asked the CEO if they could lend me some money and she agreed. She was also an older mother. So the financial weight has been lifted slightly which is a relief. I'm of course still petrified what will happen in this cycle. My gut is telling me that it will never work and to give up but that's just as scary as going ahead. To add fuel to the fire my family is fragmented because my brothers baby is due soon and they all think I'm losing my mind. It now is all to do with me and nothing to do with my sil being a biatch. So I'm just staying away from them now. Sorry for the long post. It's been awhile since I was on here and I haven't talked to anyone about it all.
Have a good Sunday all xxx
@Blossom74 of course you haven't overstepped the mark hon, I am getting to the point where I need to bring this to a head because if he can't work with me to create a family, then there is no point creating that family... I know he's capable of moving past his stuff, but I think he'll have to be dragged there, and confrontation is likely needed now to really hit home that this it for me. He has been making a lot of effort recently and we are back to a much more loving place, and we have been able to talk through some more minor issues successfully, so now I'll see if we can get through some of the big ones and keep our relationship intact.
march does suck. I only remembered fri night that my appendix went last day of march last year and first half of april was in hospital recovering or going back with the water on lung prob. when the cramping/achey back started and I'd read some horror stories of other women's experiences I was warning DP that if it went bad to take me to hospital and I might end up there again around same time as last year. (luckily it was all unfounded and was a strangely beautiful experience for such an awful thing to have to happen)
thanks @Bongley and @Summer. @Bongley, it sounds like a beautiful service and I'm glad you were able to be there and be a part of it. I'm sure it'll be tough for your brother and kids for a while so I'm sure they appreciated your support
@Summer, I hope you can get your DH to understand your experiences and feelings. I wish things were easier all round. your plan sounds good, good luck with everything
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