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  1. #881
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    Sorry I haven't been posting much, I've been overwhelmingly busy and just in my own little world trying to sort out what is next in my own journey...

    @winsor I just wanted to say how beautifully you wrote about the passing of little Gracie and that I truly do think we sense when they leave us. I have felt that happy feeling leave too and have known in that instant that my bubba has passed. I'm so sorry for what you are going through and love some of the ideas that have been shared here about how to commemorate her. I do hope this isn't the end of the road for you and that DE does become an option for you to both more forward.

    @Tahli I just have no words hon. This must be beyond devastating for you and with no reasons found, it just defies logic and doesn't make any sense. You did everything possible to get those little embies over the line, so don't blame yourself at all for not having that procedure - you don't know that it would have made any difference at all to the final outcome. Take some time to grieve, see what the doctors have to say, and take your time working out what the next step might be. I wish I was there to give you the biggest hugs and eat chocolate and cry with you today. It is heart-breaking.

    @Bongley I'm thinking of you at the funeral on the other side of the world and I'm so glad you were able to make it there and be there for your family at such a difficult time. Suicide is just horrific. A friend of mine took her life eighteen months ago and she had a little two year old boy and it was beyond horrific for her husband and family. The husband has really struggled to cope and is still trying to deal with it. I hope your brother and niece have a lot of love and support around them to help them through.

    @Blossom74 I'm thinking of you too and even though I know you are busy planning the next stage and moving towards DE I know that your heart will still be heavy and in mourning for what might have been. Hope you are taking good care of yourself and DH is looking after you.

    @midnite01 that's very exciting about the house! Congratulations on getting it and I'm sure you will make it beautiful.

    @Gagingi so happy that Day 6 came through for you and I look forward to hearing the next stage!

    Lots of love to @faithandhopellove and @JulieMalooley
    @Charlie74 I know you wrote a beautiful big post about where you are at and I didn't get the chance to reply to that, but just want you to know that we all totally understand your thoughts and feelings and you are definitely not alone.

    @BlondeinBrisvegas and we will organise that catch up soon!

    to everyone else that I haven't mentioned personally, I am following along and cheering or commiserating from the sidelines.
    Last edited by Summer; 20-03-2016 at 09:33.

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  3. #882
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxwellsmum View Post
    @Bongley it is a massive flight. I remember it well we want in 2011x The service sounded lovely and like it was a good tribute to your sister in law. @Tahli just curious are your embryos from the same donor? Is that donor proven. What I am thinking ( I may be wrong) is could the embryos be duds? My own embryos always looked perfect grew to day 5 ect but were untested and most likely crap. Could that even happen with donor?
    I was wondering the same thing... Could it be either of the donors and not actually anything wrong at all with you @Tahli?

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  5. #883
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    @Maxwellsmum I'd just straight out ask your brother if he/his wife have an issue & outline the reasons why I felt that way.

    I'd also point out the fact that he should've intervened when your nephew was pushing the Uncle as he needs to learn what's appropriate behaviour towards others & what's not....It's called discipline!!
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 20-03-2016 at 09:07.

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  7. #884
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    @Tahli Yes...the reasons why it's not working are at least being narrowed down through all the testing you have had done.

    You'd have to rule the Hydrosalpinx out & other than that PGD the embryo's if you were willing to do another fresh Cycle??

    I can't think of anything else either at this point Luv😦xo
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 20-03-2016 at 09:09.

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  9. #885
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    AFM I'm still trying to figure out whether to do one OE cycle to draw the line under that, or just go straight to DE. TBH I'm very tempted to just go to DE knowing that if I have any eggs at all, they are old, to date I've been unsuccessful with my natural pregnancies and have never even gotten to EPU due to only getting one follie on high dose stims... The FS is supportive of one cycle, but then moving to DE, so I suppose I should just bite the bullet and do it. AF is due on Friday, but if I start stims next weekend, then EPU would fall on the week we have DSS, so it's a bit messy. If I wait one more month, then it fits a bit easier into things, so I'm thinking I'll start a cycle towards the end of April. That gives me another month to keep working on my health too.

    The other thing is that DH is still not really on board and I have to have it out with him. The last three years I've basically done this whole journey on my own. He went to one initial appointment with Wazza, but that's been it. Never been to a scan, never been there with those fatal words "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat x 4", has never asked a question about IVF, didn't even bother taking the supplements Wazza recommended - just nothing. With my last miscarriage he didn't even speak to me for five days - I got the silent treatment instead of love and support. He said to me that he supports moving forward, but he refuses to get excited about it - which basically means that he's going to continue to ignore this whole journey until we have a baby in our arms. But that's not good enough for me. I've done this on my own for so long, and I can't do it on my own any more.

    So I wrote out a huge thing the other day where I pretended that I had his attitude when it came to going for week about custody of DSS. Not sure if that made sense.

    So where he is uninterested in coming to appointments with me, imagine if I didn't come to his lawyers appointments. Imagine if I didn't answer emails about the case, refused to discuss it with him, said I "would support him but not get excited about it", got angry if he mentioned it, claimed the $$ were too much and we should just give up, etc etc. When I turn it around it is really, really obvious how bad his attitude towards us having a family is, and how devastated he would be if I had that attitude towards his son and such a total lack of support for what he wants. So I'm hoping that by turning it around and having him explore what it would feel like to him if I carried that attitude about DSS, it might finally get through to him how difficult his attitude is for me.

    This type of thing has worked before, so I'm hoping he can understand it in this way. I'd rather do this in counseling, but so far he's said he's not interested in going back, so it's up to me to try and get a breakthrough. I'll let you know how I go.
    Last edited by Summer; 20-03-2016 at 09:17.

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  11. #886
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    love your cute bub picture @faithandhopellove and I'm sorry you didn't get to see more of your other precious one. It's great to hear your DH is singing / reading to them, I think this is a good way to make a connection to both (even Angel bubba who is loved just as much).

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  13. #887
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    @Maxwellsmum, I'm really sorry you're having so many issues with your family. And not only that, that you are at a loss to explain it! I think family dynamics are bl00dy hard sometimes. I know within mine, my SIL can run a bit hot and cold. There is a very big differnece in personalities between 'us' and 'her,' which is only natural as she's not blood, but she and my brother always seem to be on the outer because of it. With DH's family (he has 5 brothers) there is a very odd relationship. Everyone knows everybody else's business in that family, whereas DH and I are very private people. We don't discuss IVF, money, or our relationship with anyone other than each other, whereas they share everything. That, combined with the fact that DH and I are tertiary educated (and none of them are), and the fact that I am not DH's first wife has lead to what can only be described as The Great Divide. We have been excluded from many things during our time together.

    I am all for opening up the lines of communication. God knows I relish the opportunity to offload! And yes, I think it's certainly worth asking the question as to what's going on. But at the same time, my own experience makes me think that perhaps there will be no answer that will explain their behavior, or worse still - they will claim to 'not know what you're talking about.'

    As bad as it sounds, letting people drift out of your life -whether they be family or not - is sometimes the better option. I know how hurtful it is to do that but as you already know, sometimes the alternative is not so attractive either. Big hugs to you hon. We all know that you are a lovely, thoughtful person from our time with you here, so please don't take their rudeness as a sign of something you've done. It is simply poor form on their part.

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  15. #888
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    @Tahli, I agree wholeheartedly with the other girls when they question the quality of your donated embryos. I am curious as to whether you have done other stim cycles with DE before, and would also love to know if your donor has ever had successful pregnancies resulting from her donations. I don't think there is anything much more you could have done to encourage those little embies along so please don't be feeling any guilt about that. Honestly, you have been to the ends of the earth - literally - to get this right! No, I tend to wonder if there is something else at play here, and the actual embryos is my first suspicion.

    As far as how to proceed from here, I would have a very careful think about that. With the benefit of hindsight, I really wish I had not gone ahead with my last OE cycle. Aside from the fact that it didn't work (!) it used up very valuable funds which could have been put towards a DE cycle instead, and removed the need for DH and I to attempt to borrow money to pay for it - money which we really can't afford to be borrowing.

    Have a good think about how your next $3K should be spent. Your one remaining embryo will still be there waiting for you either way, so maybe doing a cycle with a fresh egg and sperm donor is the more cost effective option. You can always go back and have the last one put in, in conjunction with another from a fresh cycle. It won't be wasted either way, and flying over for a single transfer with no option of a replacement emby should that one not thaw effectively - well, you'd be bl00dy kicking yourself!

    It goes without saying that I would support your decision either way. But do give your decision justice and have a good think about it. If I'd not rushed in like a bl00dy fool I'd be in a much better position financially.

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  17. #889
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxwellsmum View Post
    @Summer wow yes you are spot on. How will he feel. It is a very similar comparison as in legal fees are on par if not more than IVF fees. His child v's your potential children as in emotionional similarity. Your (pretend) disinterest v's his actual disinterest. Also the time that legalities consume is on par with the time that IVF consumes as in legal appoitments, court hearings, assessments ect. Good luck hopefully it reaches him and makes a difference to his behaviour x
    Thanks @Maxwellsmum for understanding - when I wrote it all out and did the turn around thing I actually wrote non-stop for two pages because the comparisons are actually really quite similar in so many ways and it makes it very, very obvious - I just hope he can see it that way.

    I don't know what the answer is with family either. DH's brother and SIL didn't speak to me for the first two years we were together. They didn't know me from a bar of soap, but because of my profession (a bit alternative) they judged me before meeting me and it's been really hard work to be accepted at all. So I am just polite, civil, don't share my opinions, act interested in them, turn up to all family events and be nice, but they do not know me, the real me, at all and I'm happy with that. It's not worth causing waves over, but I'm not going to waste head space on it either

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  19. #890
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeinBrisvegas View Post
    @winsor How are you and DH going Luv??

    Thinking of you both as well and sending much love and healing
    we're going ok, thanks. I'm still a bit numb and have cycles of crying but it's settled since the first couple of days when the midwife told me what was to come. I'm glad we had that time to say goodbye and prepare, and I had a chance to "birth" her with the pains & a little push (obviously not like a full term birth but maybe the closest I'll come). I mostly wish she was healthy and I was still pregnant and we were going to live the life we'd planned. DP wants to start seeing friends today but I'm not ready. I think I should have at least a week of mourning for just me and him and her - not ready to speak about it out loud yet or be asked questions and cry in front of others. though I will call Mum this evening as she and my sister have been a great support (via email as I'd said I couldn't speak out loud yet (except to DP), and they've respected that)

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