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  1. #621
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    Yes @Tahli that sounds about right 11dpo tonight. Good luck with the P-sticks. @BlondeinBrisvegas - its still so fresh in my mind how hard it was trying to separate with my ex DH stuck under the same roof as me for a while. Even though he left me, I went out (in misery and desperation) and met my current DP within about 4 weeks I reckon. I knew at the time it was just me desperate for some consolation and company and it helped to distract me a bit, but I was in a frucked up headspace and I 'knew' at the time that I wasn't going to stay with DP because I still loved my ex (turns out he grew on me). My ex and I still love each other, but its different now. We are really good friends and that's lucky because we still have to work together - but not in the same office anymore thankfully.
    You need him out of the house. Its so emotionally draining being in that situation day in and day out when you are both so raw and sad. Yes, counselling would help to clear up a. your feelings and b. how to move on and stay friends and civil if that's the way it's going to be.
    I guess I would ask you - when you say you love him still - do you 'love him', or are you 'in love' with him. There's a big difference. Over time my 'in love' with my ex has died off to just 'loving' him because it had to, or I would have gone insane with grief. I still can't believe I never saw it coming and I still don't think we tried hard enough to fix it - but he said at the time his love had died and he knew that wasn't going to change and I'm a strong believer in 'when the love is gone - its gone'. Mind you, we never had kids together so it was just too easy to separate. If DP hadn't come along so soon, we may have struggled on for 6 or 12 months but ultimately he was so unhappy it was not going to work. So, in short:
    a. try counselling just to help you both move on one way or the other
    b. do it with him living elsewhere as soon as you can organise it. Once he's out of the house your feelings towards him will become clearer.
    Just my opinions...

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  3. #622
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    Yep, @BlondeinBrisvegas I'm testing more times a day than a sane woman would!!!
    Who can blame you - god knows you've worked hard enough and travelled far enough for a goddamn BFP !!

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  5. #623
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    Quote Originally Posted by JulieMalooley View Post
    Yes @Tahli that sounds about right 11dpo tonight. Good luck with the P-sticks. @BlondeinBrisvegas - its still so fresh in my mind how hard it was trying to separate with my ex DH stuck under the same roof as me for a while. Even though he left me, I went out (in misery and desperation) and met my current DP within about 4 weeks I reckon. I knew at the time it was just me desperate for some consolation and company and it helped to distract me a bit, but I was in a frucked up headspace and I 'knew' at the time that I wasn't going to stay with DP because I still loved my ex (turns out he grew on me). My ex and I still love each other, but its different now. We are really good friends and that's lucky because we still have to work together - but not in the same office anymore thankfully.
    You need him out of the house. Its so emotionally draining being in that situation day in and day out when you are both so raw and sad. Yes, counselling would help to clear up a. your feelings and b. how to move on and stay friends and civil if that's the way it's going to be.
    I guess I would ask you - when you say you love him still - do you 'love him', or are you 'in love' with him. There's a big difference. Over time my 'in love' with my ex has died off to just 'loving' him because it had to, or I would have gone insane with grief. I still can't believe I never saw it coming and I still don't think we tried hard enough to fix it - but he said at the time his love had died and he knew that wasn't going to change and I'm a strong believer in 'when the love is gone - its gone'. Mind you, we never had kids together so it was just too easy to separate. If DP hadn't come along so soon, we may have struggled on for 6 or 12 months but ultimately he was so unhappy it was not going to work. So, in short:
    a. try counselling just to help you both move on one way or the other
    b. do it with him living elsewhere as soon as you can organise it. Once he's out of the house your feelings towards him will become clearer.
    Just my opinions...

    And a very welcome opinion at that thank-you Luv!!

    I totally agree with what you've said and what you've advised for exactly those reasons you've stated

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  7. #624
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    @BlondeinBrisvegas has he always been a lot of work? Or has it just been recently that his behaviour has been bad? It sounds like you are doing all the right things, you definitely need your own space. How long have you been a couple for?

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  9. #625
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    @Tahli, it is currently 2am in CT on Thursday morning so that makes them 9hrs behind VIC time. If you transferred at 1.30pm on Fri that's 11.30pm on Fri night (5dpo) so tonight at 11.30 you will be 11dpo by my calcs?
    Last edited by JulieMalooley; 17-03-2016 at 10:06.

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  11. #626
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bongley View Post
    @BlondeinBrisvegas has he always been a lot of work? Or has it just been recently that his behaviour has been bad? It sounds like you are doing all the right things, you definitely need your own space. How long have you been a couple for?
    His behaviour slowly started to change when he hurt his back 6 years ago. He went through a period of depression from it as he couldn't work for months and began behaving in ways that were totally out of character for him but we worked through that.

    As his back's deteriorated and the pain has gotten worse over the last few years, his behaviour/depression or what have you has deteriorated along with it to the point he projects his anger/frustration from the pain onto me verbally...always snappy with me, or angry about everything..there's no joy in him. There are also other issues related to me feeling unappreciated for being a SAHM, major issues with our sex life because of his back, blah, blah, blah which ended up with us basically growing apart and me closing my heart to him because I just couldn't handle his BS anymore to cut a long story short.

    Together just shy of 9 years. He's on the waiting list for an operation on his back (finally he's seen a surgical resident and scans have been ordered to check exactly where it is an how bad it is now so the head spinal surgeon can decide what operation would be best to do though who knows when it will happen at this point??).

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  13. #627
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bongley View Post
    @BlondeinBrisvegas has he always been a lot of work? Or has it just been recently that his behaviour has been bad? It sounds like you are doing all the right things, you definitely need your own space. How long have you been a couple for?

    He's normally a very easy going person, too easy going and a real homebody content to potter around in the garden or go to the markets, movies etc. He's very much a loner kind of a guy with a more introverted personality than me who is a total extrovert!!!

    Which was another issue...us not having any kind of a social life with other people or doing many things just for us like going away for a weekend (because we never had any $ due to IVF plus no one to look after our pets)..no "date nights" etc and I also felt very unsupported here with DD as he saw it as him working outside of the home and me in it so my responsibility (really old fashioned views that surprised me as I knew he was traditional..so am I but not that frucking traditional once push came to shove!!).

    So many times over the last few years I've bought up how unhappy etc I've felt and why and nothing would ever change to the point I just had enough.

    ETA- He's a workaholic too which is why he got so depressed when he couldn't for 4 months and why he can't work to capacity now either plus the pain he's in all day every day he's on a sh!tload of painkillers...Endone, Targin, Lyrica for the nerve pain (a disc in his spine is bulging and compressing his spinal nerve permanently and when it flares up he gets really severe nerve pain in his knee all the way down to his ankle on his left leg I think?? which is on top of the usual severe back pain from the disc).
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 17-03-2016 at 10:14.

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  15. #628
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    fwiw BiB I think counselling sounds like a good idea and I hope it's beneficial to you both. it sounds like it could really help him. I think you probably need your own space for a bit too. then who knows what happens in the future, but the space will give you some time to clear your thoughts without having to look after him at same time

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  17. #629
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    thanks @Bongley, yes I think it's good to talk about things, and IVF. and so my friends know what's been happening and why I often don't feel like going out etc. plus when I tell them I've found out that a few of them had also done IVF so it's more common but less spoken about in the open. (I knew about my best friend, but was surprised by some of the others)

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  19. #630
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    Gorgeous girls, these are the rules for replying to this post. There's to be no emoticons, no congrats, no party hats or party ******ers, no jumping the gun.
    I've just POAS. I MAY have a little ray of hope. If I stand under the brightest light in the house (kitchen fluro light) and seriously squint and twist the stick at a thousand different angles before hitting a sweet spot...I MAY be able to see 5% of a second grey shadowy indent ghost line...or it MAY be where the wee runs to the test line, jumps the indent then rushes over to the control line. I have no idea. But it is a little ray of hope.
    Needless to say I'll update you as the day progresses.

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