thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words. they're making me cry and giving comfort at same time. yes, @Summer, we'd started planning our new life and it was going to be amazing. I don't think baby is gone completely yet so we're just pouring out the love to her before she goes so she knows how loved she is before she goes to sleep. today she's 9weeks (even if small for her age like me) DP is shattered too and has been a great support. I can only write about it all atm, I can't speak it out loud to anyone else but him yet. too raw. too soon
best wishes to you all. you're all amazing.
good luck for today's sticks Tahli (still early though)