@Charlie74, I have many thoughts in response to your story. Feel free to mull them over and disregard as necessary
1. I think that 12 years has passed and a lot can change in 12 years.
2. I think that both you and she are probably very different people from what you both were back then.
3. I think that with the benefit of hindsight perhaps your friend already knows how unreasonable she was to you all those years ago, and that perhaps that is what has prompted her to now extend the olive branch.
4. I think it was very brave of your friend to make contact again after all this time, especially in light of the fact that she more than likely harbors regrets about her behavior towards you.
5. I think that no matter what happens you probably need to go gently with your response, as no-one likes rejection and the hurt it brings with it.
6. I think that people drift in and out of our lives for a reason, and the Universe has connected the two of you again for a purpose. It may be that is to simply heal old wounds, or it may be to renew your friendship.
7. I tend to agree with you that sometimes you have to step up and be the bigger person. I am very much someone who does not hesitate to cut off contact with people who are not good for me, and am reluctant to forgive and forget. I've probably lost a lot of friendships because of it too.
8. I myself sent a message on FB a few months ago to a young lady I had a falling out with many, many years ago. It took several months for her to respond to my message and accept my friend request - to the point where I had let it go and accepted it was not going to happen. We are slowly rebuilding our friendship now, which deteriorated in the first place due to a huge misunderstanding. I am so grateful she was able to see past that and give our friendship a second chance
As I said, take from all that what you will hon. It's just my perspective and of course you have to do what you feel comfortable with
@Charlie74 ive had something similar to me i had a bestie we travelled to the uk were best friends and did everything together. While in the uk we had a falling out she moved in a different world diff friends and dabbled in drugs and nightlife. I met my hubbie and we didn't have anythimg more to do with each other. I recently found her on fb and when im back home we catch up. I apologised for being a biatch and we were immature at the time we have since grown up and all of that is in the past. Shes got 2 kids so grown up a lot. Im glad i reached out to her and gave our friendship another go. J xxx
@Charlie74 wow your story and mine are a little similar. I'm further along in the renewing of contact though.
Background on mine - we had been friends since I was 6 years old. Her mum and mine were friends that had an on and off again type friendship. She moved to Aus in our teens, we kept in contact. She came back to Nz for my brothers 21st and had a fling with him. At the time I was preparing to move to Aus.
I moved to Aus and we were inseparable. Her fling with my brother ended badly. About the same time I entered what would become an abusive relationship- the kind where it starts off by them cutting you off from all friends and family and only gets worse.
After the bad end to the fling with my brother our mums severed their friendship. And her and I stopped talking - not because I agreed with my brother, we just drifted apart.
We went our own ways for 15 years.
Our mums became friends, broke up and became friends again. One day we were both at the same party, had a few too many drinks and had a heart to heart. Both of us had misinterpreted the others actions and had been going through our own stuff which clouded everything we thought and did at the time.
Over the last 5-6 years we have been rebuilding our friendship. We have vowed to communicate better so we don't lose the friendship again.
I say you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by talking to her - whether it's face to face or via pm. At the very least you might be able to let go of some of that anger and move forward with a lighter heart.
Or you can finally draw a line in the sand and close that chapter of your life forever and have no regrets about could haves.
@Charlie74 I agree with whats already been said but... If this was me at the moment I would consider what kind of situation I was in mentally and emotionally with all this infertility stuff as to whether it was a good time for me or not. If you were so shocked and upset at what happened are you good to deal with whatever is said or comes out when you reconnect? It might sound weird but I guess Ive put up some serious boundaries since going through infertility with friends that I sometimes cant deal with (and they are ALL lovely people btw). I don't commit to things with them as I don't know if I will be feeling up to it at the time and i don't want to feel forced to have to deal with them if I don't want to/not in the headspace. thats all I'm saying. i guess I would probably be quite guarded with how much I would share with someone who did all that and now has decided to get back in contact. She's probably great and nothing bad will happen but just look after yourself first.
@Charlie74 my thoughts are what do you want from this. Do you need to resolve this with her to heal or have you already let it go? Do you want a friend or happy to be her aquaintance. Everyones story is different but i say be careful. I would return her msg but maintain distance like an aquaintance and see if you like her as a person today. As 12 years is a long time and you may have very little in common. There will always be a connection to her because of your history but will it sustain a friendship in your lives today? Cautiously optimistic is how i would proceed.
Hi to all hope you all have a lovely easter
@Charlie74 it depends on what you want from renewing a friendship with her. I mean she cut it off and she stayed away for a long time. Does she offer you reasons why she is now trying to reconnect? I cut of a friendship myself prob 2 yes ago when a very good friend said some hurtful things to me regarding her getting pregnant and I know I could never attempt to reconnect even if I do get a BFP. Some freindships can be a lot of work and they shouldn't be that way. As others have said maybe just chat a bit , keep your distance and test the waters. One other thing to keep in mind too is if she now has children the topic of conversation may focus on that a lot as well which might not bother you but me personally well I always feel a bit left out so tend to avoid these friends now and the awkward silences that my infertility inadvertifly always seems to promote.
Man I wish I had stocked up on booze yesterday. The amount of people on facey running out I reckon I could have made a small fortune might have paid for some of my next cycle. One bloke just sold 1 carton of corona for $100. People just can't survive for 1 day without it in my town 🍺
Wow!! I was driving through inner city yesterday and boy the traffic was craazy.
@Charlie74 for what it's worth I think we have to accept that although people don't really change, time and space can definitely heal old wounds. I agree with the others when they say it took courage for your friend to attempt to reconnect and she will be hanging now waiting for your response. I think it's the bigger and nicer thing to do to at least respond even if it's too much to get involved again in a full blown friendship. I also agree that if she is a mother it will make it hard for you on many levels too so tread carefully. You're the priority of course xx
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