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  1. #1211
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    Quote Originally Posted by Green lady View Post
    @Summer - I'm also in raging PMT land at the moment! On a natural cycle, AF due tomorrow. I don't even bother wasting money on tests as from 4-5 days out I know the signs that AF is coming and unfortunately have never even been suprised to the contrary. Feeling very over the whole thing at the moment.
    Sorry you're feeling ragey too I always test from about 9dpo just in case, but I knew this month was out as there wasn't even a squinter like some of the chems I've had in the last few months. AF arrived, so at least I know I'll feel better tomorrow!

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  3. #1212
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxwellsmum View Post
    @Summer wow you have a lot on ATM and I tend to agree with what @Blossom74 said but I am going to add more. The money you mention well holy fruck that is a lot of money. I would be bringing up my wants and needs with DH and not wait much longer. The court stuff could drag on for years. Summer I had an ex who was actually going to court for different matters and I actually left him because our whole life resolved around it. It became the centre of his world and it just never ended. After he lost the assault charge he got civilly charged and It just dragged on for years. I am not saying to leave DH at all but be prepared to put yourself first because if you don't then it is only going to make you feel worse. Yes DH is prob stressed ATM but too bad it is not your problem that he has a biatch of an ex wife. You deserve the chance to be a mother in your own right and DH needs to understand and support you on this. Sorry if anything I write doesn't sit right but I just feel like you seem to be the one who is giving a lot more in this relationship so it is time for you to get something back. Lastly big hugs to you and try to get some sleep x
    Thank you @Maxwellsmum you are spot on and what you've written is quite right, our life has revolved around this custody thing for a while now and I said to DH that it is my turn now and he has to put as much time, effort and money into creating our family as he has into this court thing with DSS. We are going to have a good talk over Easter and make our plan, so that feels better and at least then I'll know where we are heading with OE and DE plans.

    We have what should be our final court date booked for the end of April, and at the interim hearing the judge was pretty clear about what his view was of the case, so that should be the end of it then. I don't think DH wants it to go any further, so whatever happens then should be binding and hopefully she will come to her senses earlier and finalise it before the end of April. Then I said to DH he needs to make a big, grand, gesture to say thank you for all the work and effort and time and emotion I've put in to supporting what he wants - like a few days on Hamilton Island or similar. So he's been put on notice

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  5. #1213
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    THIS. Exactly this @Summer. Yes, your DH's relationship with DSS is important, but so is your need to become a Mother. I see you as such a warm, loving woman and it upsets me greatly that of everything you are having to deal with right now, becoming a Mother has not been on the list of priorities with your DH.

    We all recognise stress around here. Everyone is stressed. But at the end of the day, that's not enough of an excuse for your DH not wanting to support you in this. It's not an excuse for ignoring the issue or hoping it will go away either. I so worry that in your generosity you will continue to put yourself and your needs last, and I would be so devastated for you if in 5 years time you find yourself bitter and resentful with your dreams to become a Mother unfulfilled.

    I KNOW you know all of this. I KNOW you know that time is constantly and quietly slipping away from us all. I really hope that you can get your DH on board with your plans to become a Mother ASAP, because as a man and as a husband who is supposed to love and support you, well frankly... right now he is letting down the team

    Hoping I have again not overstepped the mark. Go gently on yourself hon and get rest where you can, even if it is just having a lie down for half and hour and closing your eyes

    Nope you haven't overstepped the mark at all, this is perfect and exactly what I needed to hear. I think DH is finally (finally!) realising how unsupportive he's been and how that needs to change, so fingers crossed we'll have a plan after this weekend. He's been much more open, loving, communicative and back to his "old" self the last couple of weeks, so hopefully we've turned the corner together and can start creating our family.

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  7. #1214
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Summer Gorgeous, beautiful, always putting others needs in front of your own Summer. I remember about 6 months back @BlondeinBrisvegas saying something along the lines of 'you know where I stand on this'....in relation to your DH being unsupportive and your absolute burning desire to be a Mum. I am now in BiB's camp.
    What would happen if you emailed Cape Fertility Clinic for example and just got the ball rolling. Started filling out the forms at home. Printing off egg donors profiles and leaving them sitting where you work and DH could see them. So not actually transferring money for the donor/cycle to start...but putting all the ground work in.
    Surely it would either see DH on board or not.
    Also, have you got access to some funds to make motherhood happen. I appreciate that DH is financially comfortable, but can you actually access some of it to have your own needs met?
    I say this from the bottom of my heart....it is your time to be a mother. YOUR TIME. Are you listening??
    With massive compassionate love, .
    Thank you, thank you my gorgeous friend Yes, it is my time, and yes, I've registered with Cape Fertility and have been looking at donors and started to make plans. I did talk to DH last night and he was really good and we're going away this weekend and will be having a good talk about it. I have been putting his needs and DSSs needs first for a long time, and now it does need to turn around. I am armed with my "imagine if I was as unsupportive of the custody thing for DSS as you are with DE" conversation, and also I'm reaching the end of what I can cope with so he needs to be aware of that and how close I am to breaking down if this isn't resolved. So I'm feeling a little more hopeful after last night, but this morning's AF and lack of sleep just knocked me sideways.
    Last edited by Summer; 23-03-2016 at 11:15.

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  9. #1215
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    Quote Originally Posted by infinity888 View Post
    @Summer im really concerned for you hun. Are you ok with everyone putting dh and dss before you always. If you are then thats ok but I feel that really your dreams are important and that someday soon you might regret not trying to make them come true. In my experience there is never a good time to organize ivf stuff and finances especially if you have a dss as there will always be something that will be more important cause he is here. Dh can see him and love him. Its the court case now but then it will be his sport or his health or something else. In your heart though your bubba is here and loved and just as important. So my advice is its now time. As @Tahli said maybe do all the paper work and then just a brief sign here please because we will be flying to SA in 4 months lol
    Thanks hon, I can see that I need to really put my foot down and make this happen, time is slipping away and my needs are being overlooked. Now that we're towards the end of this custody thing I need to step up and be heard. Thanks for your support and for your wise words. Everyone has really helped make it very clear today that it is not OK to keep waiting and I need to make this happen now. Set a date and get to it.

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  11. #1216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tahli View Post
    @Summer Another suggestion...Is there any chance you could head away for a week. Just you and your laptop, and possibly some sleeping tablets. Time for you to think about what life would be like parenting a small person on your own. Researching donor profiles and imagining a life with a little person in it and the life you could have together.
    You know what your life is like now but I wonder if you might benefit from some time nourishing the thought of growing a little life in your belly and raising that little poppet on your own. How you could make that work practically and emotionally.
    Time away to sleep and prioritise.
    (By the way, I am not suggesting you leave DH. I'm just suggesting you give yourself permission, and a clear chunk of time, to consider the alternative.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Maxwellsmum View Post
    @Tahli I remember BIB saying that too. Yes it was last year I think. And yes @Summer none of us are trying to hurt you or say anything out of turn so please know we are just trying to help you. I hate seeing how long you have patiently waited for the DH to come on board when he just seems to have completely missed the train xo maybe like tahli said you could just begin looking at some clinics in Cape Town, begin broaching it more and have you given him your letter yet with your points?
    Quote Originally Posted by Maxwellsmum View Post
    Yes I like this idea it is gold. Just go ahead and book the whole lot and then tell the DH this....You had better ice those nuts up big boy because we are going to be drilling them in 4 months....here is the donor, here is the bill and here are your flights. Fully locked and loaded.
    @Maxwellsmum you are on fire today! Too funny!

    @Tahli I've not really ever gone there in my head as to how I would manage as a single mum... It's not something I ever thought I'd do on my own, (I'm sure no-one ever does) but that is one question that I probably need to sit down and really contemplate what is the most important thing - is it having a child, or creating a family with my DH. If DH wasn't on the scene would I be pursuing this path? Or would I not have children? I suspect I'd not have children as I was at that place prior to meeting DH and had made peace with it. Once I met DH and we were solid, I revisited that possibility which was really hard to do because I'd taken the idea of children completely off the table for my life, so to go there again was hard, and then to fall pregnant naturally four times and lose the babies four times just broke me. So now I'm not quite sure what my answer is. I don't think it will come to that, (well not right now anyway!) but yes it is worth thinking through

    I haven't given him the letter yet with all my points, but I have it here ready for the weekend. I wove a few points into the conversation last night and he really got it, so it is promising.

    I'm going to start filling out CT paperwork and sending them all our previous test results
    Last edited by Summer; 23-03-2016 at 11:16.

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  13. #1217
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    Ok guys, I'm going to stop hijacking the thread and bow out now. All is going to be OK. I've had my melt-down. Been lifted up by the awesome BH ladies and have a plan to sort it with DH this weekend and set some dates. I'll let you know how it goes but I think it will be good.
    Thank you everyone, you've made my day

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  15. #1218
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    @Summer Sorry I'm late to the party as is par for the course for me these days

    Anyhoo...You know where I stand on this!!! I haven't changed my position and I wholeheartedly agree with the other Lovelies opinions/thoughts/advice too

    It sounds like you're opening up the lines of communication on this with DH with him being receptive to discussing it at length and my only other suggestion is that a definitive plan has to be in place by the time the Easter break/night away is over!! Nothing else is acceptable IMO.

    So...if that means getting the spreadsheet together on costings etc to present to him along with a timeline on when you WILL start and who you're going to go with as well as pulling up some donor files on the computer to show him so you can start that ball rolling etc, etc for when you go away, then I say start preparing that file to take away with you!!!

    How important is this OE Cycle to do for you Luv?? For you emotionally/mentally I mean?? Perhaps it's worthwhile just cutting to the chase and jumping straight into a DE Cycle so you can start everything all that much sooner??

    As for the Ex, we know why she does what she does...c r u n t of a woman it is!!! She's obviously not the sharpest knife in the draw or else she'd know by now that she's fighting a losing battle. But hey, if she wants legal costs that will likely take her the rest of her life to pay off, so be it!!!

    Have you tried Restavit to sleep Luv?? Failing that, you know where the Val's are, all you have to do is ask!!!

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  17. #1219
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    @Charlie74 - he just said he'd been to a recent conference where based on the evidence studied, there wasn't any advantage in using the HAICSI and then added that I shoild save the $700 or whatever and not do it. The fact that he told me that in the context of my below average fert rate with ICSI and the fact that he knows the costs isn't a factor in my decision, suggested to me that he really doesn't think it improves fert rates. But now I'm thinking, if it doesn't do any harm, why not just do it if there's even a slight possibility of it improving fert rate. I am nervous about not using it and screwing up my last ever cycle by getting an even worse fert rate than I usually do. I'm going to talk to my FS a about it after Easter when I have my first scan in the cycle. From what I can see Genea and Melbourne IVF both have the special microscope to do IMSI.

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  19. #1220
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    Quote Originally Posted by JulieMalooley View Post
    @Rubywoohoo I am so very sorry - that is the sh1ttiest news. Unbelievable. I hope you can pick yourself up and move forward somehow @Summer here is where everyone realises what a selfish biatch I am. My ex DP had 3 kids and the ex from hell. She too, used the kids against him, filled their heads with lies about Ex DH, made them cry with her bullsh1t about what he was or wasn't doing, etc etc. It went on for the entire time we were together until finally he cracked and told her if she continued doing it he would stop seeing the kids because it was too hard on them and him. She kept pushing and then he took a break from seeing them (selfish on his and my behalf I know) and during that time the scrag moved interstate. We found this out second hand and I admit I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't have to deal with that any more. They were good kids, but the baggage that came with them affected and basically killed our relationship in the end.
    I agree with the others. This battle with him and his ex could go on for years and you will never forgive him if it puts a stop to your dream. Just tell him you (and he) are doing it. You can't give up your life and your dreams of a child for 'his child'. You need to be a bit selfish here or you will regret it for the rest of your life. Plus it sounds like you both need something happy and positive happening in your life to detract from the other crap that's going on. If he wants you to support him, he needs to support you too. it works both ways. Good luck with whatever you decide..
    Thanks hon, I can see how that would definitely kill your relationship and it's sad for your ex-DH and the kids. Totally sucks for everyone and so selfish of the mothers doing that to their kids. Ours really is pretty minor in comparison and most of the time things run fairly smoothly, so I'm hoping when it all blows over it will go back to being civil... You're right in that I can't give up my life and my dream for his child and I think I do need to be selfish here and call it. Something positive would be great and yes, I've been totally supportive of his dream of having his son more, and it wouldn't have happened without me, so he needs to now support me in my dream. Thanks hon xxxxxx

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