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  1. #1201
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxwellsmum View Post
    That's it there isn't much more to it. He bought home a cooked chook for dinner and I flipped out because I had already taken something else out. It was completely irrational. So now he just refers to it as the cooked chicken incident.

    IVF gold! This reminds me of someone....who was it that flipped out because they couldn't separate two slices of frozen bread?

    Hell hath no fury like a woman cycling on IVF!!!

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  3. #1202
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    @Summer im really concerned for you hun. Are you ok with everyone putting dh and dss before you always. If you are then thats ok but I feel that really your dreams are important and that someday soon you might regret not trying to make them come true. In my experience there is never a good time to organize ivf stuff and finances especially if you have a dss as there will always be something that will be more important cause he is here. Dh can see him and love him. Its the court case now but then it will be his sport or his health or something else. In your heart though your bubba is here and loved and just as important. So my advice is its now time. As @Tahli said maybe do all the paper work and then just a brief sign here please because we will be flying to SA in 4 months lol

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  5. #1203
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    @Summer Another suggestion...Is there any chance you could head away for a week. Just you and your laptop, and possibly some sleeping tablets. Time for you to think about what life would be like parenting a small person on your own. Researching donor profiles and imagining a life with a little person in it and the life you could have together.
    You know what your life is like now but I wonder if you might benefit from some time nourishing the thought of growing a little life in your belly and raising that little poppet on your own. How you could make that work practically and emotionally.
    Time away to sleep and prioritise.
    (By the way, I am not suggesting you leave DH. I'm just suggesting you give yourself permission, and a clear chunk of time, to consider the alternative.)

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  7. #1204
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    @Tahli I remember BIB saying that too. Yes it was last year I think. And yes @Summer none of us are trying to hurt you or say anything out of turn so please know we are just trying to help you. I hate seeing how long you have patiently waited for the DH to come on board when he just seems to have completely missed the train xo maybe like tahli said you could just begin looking at some clinics in Cape Town, begin broaching it more and have you given him your letter yet with your points?

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  9. #1205
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    Yes I like this idea it is gold. Just go ahead and book the whole lot and then tell the DH this....You had better ice those nuts up big boy because we are going to be drilling them in 4 months....here is the donor, here is the bill and here are your flights. Fully locked and loaded.
    Quote Originally Posted by infinity888 View Post
    @Summer im really concerned for you hun. Are you ok with everyone putting dh and dss before you always. If you are then thats ok but I feel that really your dreams are important and that someday soon you might regret not trying to make them come true. In my experience there is never a good time to organize ivf stuff and finances especially if you have a dss as there will always be something that will be more important cause he is here. Dh can see him and love him. Its the court case now but then it will be his sport or his health or something else. In your heart though your bubba is here and loved and just as important. So my advice is its now time. As @Tahli said maybe do all the paper work and then just a brief sign here please because we will be flying to SA in 4 months lol

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  11. #1206
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    @Maxwellsmum- can totally relate to the cooked chicken incident.
    @Rubywoohoo - sorry your transfer isn't going ahead. It's crap that you got a bit of hope only to have it dashed again. Good look with your WTF appointment.

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  13. #1207
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    @Summer, I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time of it. I agree that there is nothing else that will satisfy the urge you have to be a Mother, and suggesting that there might be is actually quite insulting. People who say these things are clearly not in the same position as us. They don't know the pain that we do, and cannot understand the gravity of what we feel. Hugs to you hon

    With regard to your DSS and DH's ex-wife upsetting him, that is really inappropriate and there are things that you can do to address that once you get to court. Have a talk to your lawyer as there are clauses which need to be put into your binding child access agreement to counteract this sort of behavior.

    From memory, we had one which stated that neither party is allowed to denegrate the reputation of the other party or their new partner in front of the child. There is also one which says that a friend or relative of any party cannot denegrate the other party or their new partner in front of the child. If these clauses are in place within the contract (and these are standard things to put in there) and there is a breach of that (ie: She says something about you or your DH which reflects badly upon you in the eyes of DSS) it is classed as a breach of contract which can be addressed in Court.

    The one thing I will disagree with in your post (respectfully) is that you are fighting a losing battle. I actually thing you have an extremely good chance at gaining 50/50 access. She can blow and bluster as much as she wants, but at the end of the day you already have a clear indication of where this case is heading. Yes, the money part of it sucks. Couldn't agree more! But I do think you will trump her in the end, as SHE HAS NO CASE! Not only that, she is going to have to cop legal fees too, so it will quickly become apparent to her that she is fighting a losing battle. I have a feeling she might be all bark and no bite in the end

    One last thing.....I know you are still yet to talk to DH about doing your final OE cycle and proceeding thereafter (if you need to ) with DE. I hear so much pain in your voice and I can't help but wonder if perhaps the 'waiting to talk to DH about it' is placing you under additional stress. There is so much happening with view to him seeing DSS, gaining access and going through court. It is not lost on me how much it must upset you that there is movement on that matter and yet talks of having a child of your own are not underway. That must be placing a great deal of pressure on you hon. Perhaps this should be addressed sooner rather than later. You and your needs are important in this relationship too!

    Sending you big hugs as you navigate this difficult path
    Thank you, you gorgeous woman you! So appreciate you jumping in to reply to my huge, probably inappropriate vent this morning, thank you

    Yes, the people who say these things to me ARE mothers, so how can they even relate? Does my head in I know in their hearts they are trying to make me feel better and I appreciate that the good work I do is recognised, but my nurturing nature needs fulfillment by raising a child as well, I don't think anything in my life could possibly replace that. And to get so close so many time is even more cruel I think.

    I think I might have worded my post a little wrongly when I said the "losing battle" bit - I did mean her losing as the judge did make it clear that he was for shared care and saw no issues with the case, so for her to keep fighting it is such a waste of money for both her and us, and it is really frustrating as it could all be sorted out tomorrow if she would properly negotiate instead of fighting tooth and nail for something she is not going to win.... And yes, she is likely to get our legal fees on top of hers if it goes to trial, so why not finish it now? Doesn't make sense to me...

    We do have that clause in the interim order, but enacting it is more difficult. DSS refuses to ever say a bad word about his Mum, so he won't disclose what's being said, and without hearing it directly we can't really do anything as it is only suspicion (very valid suspicion) but we have no real proof of what she is saying. She is still saying nasty stuff to her family, but we don't know if that is in hearing of DSS or not. Hopefully once it's all finished she will settle down as well and things will be smoother for DSS. Poor kid.

    I did open the conversation last night with DH about moving forward, as yes, it is stressing me out and it is becoming unbearable not knowing what is happening next and if I have DHs support or not with this. He was really good with it and very supportive and readily admitted that everything is very one sided at the moment and he needs to make creating our family a priority. So we have all Easter weekend to ourselves, so we're going away for a night and we've agreed when we're nice and relaxed over a bottle of wine we'll talk it through and set some dates for DE. So a positive move forward there and I think once we make a plan I will feel better.

    Sorry again for having a big vent this morning. AF arrived and it is always hard to deal with when I know I've fallen pregnant naturally and it hasn't happened now for such a long time. The only way to go is forward, and the funny thing is that quote is one of my absolute all-time favourites. It will all be OK in the end, if it's not OK, it's not the end. I need to keep repeating that.

    Love

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  15. #1208
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    @Rubywoohoo I am so very sorry - that is the sh1ttiest news. Unbelievable. I hope you can pick yourself up and move forward somehow @Summer here is where everyone realises what a selfish biatch I am. My ex DP had 3 kids and the ex from hell. She too, used the kids against him, filled their heads with lies about Ex DH, made them cry with her bullsh1t about what he was or wasn't doing, etc etc. It went on for the entire time we were together until finally he cracked and told her if she continued doing it he would stop seeing the kids because it was too hard on them and him. She kept pushing and then he took a break from seeing them (selfish on his and my behalf I know) and during that time the scrag moved interstate. We found this out second hand and I admit I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't have to deal with that any more. They were good kids, but the baggage that came with them affected and basically killed our relationship in the end.
    I agree with the others. This battle with him and his ex could go on for years and you will never forgive him if it puts a stop to your dream. Just tell him you (and he) are doing it. You can't give up your life and your dreams of a child for 'his child'. You need to be a bit selfish here or you will regret it for the rest of your life. Plus it sounds like you both need something happy and positive happening in your life to detract from the other crap that's going on. If he wants you to support him, he needs to support you too. it works both ways. Good luck with whatever you decide..

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  17. #1209
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    Posted at the same time - you can probably disregard my comments then @Summer.

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  19. #1210
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDa View Post
    Oh @Summer
    You're so stressed and rightly so, go to your GP, get a referral for a psychologist ( under a mental health plan so no fee) and ask for something to help you sleep. There's no shame in needing either of those things. Your employer may even have an employee assistance program where you can access free sessions.
    Screw what other people say about "mothering" time to just be blunt and tell them that their comments are not helpful and are downright hurtful. I know we have to except that many people will never understand the pain and feelings associated with infertility but doesn't mean we can't tell them to shut the hell up if we want to!!!!

    I have a little ap on my phone called "simply being" I find it really helpful to help me relax and sleep as well.
    Sorry your having such an overwhelming shi1ty time
    X
    Thanks hon, yes I think I am more stressed than I realise & I think I should go back & talk to my counselor again. I do have a good one so that part is fine. I am taking meds to sleep but they are not working so I might need to do something different. It just freaks me out because I know there is nothing I can take that is safe in pregnancy, but I know if I don't take anything I will be awake 24/7 & I end up very sick. I'll have to go back to my GP I think & discuss the options.

    You are right too, I need to be more blunt with people! It's just that they think they are giving me a compliment so it's hard to tell them to shut up. Geez we grow a thick skin through this process...

    Thanks xxxx

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