@Summer im really concerned for you hun. Are you ok with everyone putting dh and dss before you always. If you are then thats ok but I feel that really your dreams are important and that someday soon you might regret not trying to make them come true. In my experience there is never a good time to organize ivf stuff and finances especially if you have a dss as there will always be something that will be more important cause he is here. Dh can see him and love him. Its the court case now but then it will be his sport or his health or something else. In your heart though your bubba is here and loved and just as important. So my advice is its now time. As @Tahli said maybe do all the paper work and then just a brief sign here please because we will be flying to SA in 4 months lol
@Summer Another suggestion...Is there any chance you could head away for a week. Just you and your laptop, and possibly some sleeping tablets. Time for you to think about what life would be like parenting a small person on your own. Researching donor profiles and imagining a life with a little person in it and the life you could have together.
You know what your life is like now but I wonder if you might benefit from some time nourishing the thought of growing a little life in your belly and raising that little poppet on your own. How you could make that work practically and emotionally.
Time away to sleep and prioritise.
(By the way, I am not suggesting you leave DH. I'm just suggesting you give yourself permission, and a clear chunk of time, to consider the alternative.)
@Tahli I remember BIB saying that too. Yes it was last year I think. And yes @Summer none of us are trying to hurt you or say anything out of turn so please know we are just trying to help you. I hate seeing how long you have patiently waited for the DH to come on board when he just seems to have completely missed the train xo maybe like tahli said you could just begin looking at some clinics in Cape Town, begin broaching it more and have you given him your letter yet with your points?
Yes I like this idea it is gold. Just go ahead and book the whole lot and then tell the DH this....You had better ice those nuts up big boy because we are going to be drilling them in 4 months....here is the donor, here is the bill and here are your flights. Fully locked and loaded.
Yes, the people who say these things to me ARE mothers, so how can they even relate? Does my head in I know in their hearts they are trying to make me feel better and I appreciate that the good work I do is recognised, but my nurturing nature needs fulfillment by raising a child as well, I don't think anything in my life could possibly replace that. And to get so close so many time is even more cruel I think.
I think I might have worded my post a little wrongly when I said the "losing battle" bit - I did mean her losing as the judge did make it clear that he was for shared care and saw no issues with the case, so for her to keep fighting it is such a waste of money for both her and us, and it is really frustrating as it could all be sorted out tomorrow if she would properly negotiate instead of fighting tooth and nail for something she is not going to win.... And yes, she is likely to get our legal fees on top of hers if it goes to trial, so why not finish it now? Doesn't make sense to me...
We do have that clause in the interim order, but enacting it is more difficult. DSS refuses to ever say a bad word about his Mum, so he won't disclose what's being said, and without hearing it directly we can't really do anything as it is only suspicion (very valid suspicion) but we have no real proof of what she is saying. She is still saying nasty stuff to her family, but we don't know if that is in hearing of DSS or not. Hopefully once it's all finished she will settle down as well and things will be smoother for DSS. Poor kid.
I did open the conversation last night with DH about moving forward, as yes, it is stressing me out and it is becoming unbearable not knowing what is happening next and if I have DHs support or not with this. He was really good with it and very supportive and readily admitted that everything is very one sided at the moment and he needs to make creating our family a priority. So we have all Easter weekend to ourselves, so we're going away for a night and we've agreed when we're nice and relaxed over a bottle of wine we'll talk it through and set some dates for DE. So a positive move forward there and I think once we make a plan I will feel better.
Sorry again for having a big vent this morning. AF arrived and it is always hard to deal with when I know I've fallen pregnant naturally and it hasn't happened now for such a long time. The only way to go is forward, and the funny thing is that quote is one of my absolute all-time favourites. It will all be OK in the end, if it's not OK, it's not the end. I need to keep repeating that.
@Rubywoohoo I am so very sorry - that is the sh1ttiest news. Unbelievable. I hope you can pick yourself up and move forward somehow @Summer here is where everyone realises what a selfish biatch I am. My ex DP had 3 kids and the ex from hell. She too, used the kids against him, filled their heads with lies about Ex DH, made them cry with her bullsh1t about what he was or wasn't doing, etc etc. It went on for the entire time we were together until finally he cracked and told her if she continued doing it he would stop seeing the kids because it was too hard on them and him. She kept pushing and then he took a break from seeing them (selfish on his and my behalf I know) and during that time the scrag moved interstate. We found this out second hand and I admit I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't have to deal with that any more. They were good kids, but the baggage that came with them affected and basically killed our relationship in the end.
I agree with the others. This battle with him and his ex could go on for years and you will never forgive him if it puts a stop to your dream. Just tell him you (and he) are doing it. You can't give up your life and your dreams of a child for 'his child'. You need to be a bit selfish here or you will regret it for the rest of your life. Plus it sounds like you both need something happy and positive happening in your life to detract from the other crap that's going on. If he wants you to support him, he needs to support you too. it works both ways. Good luck with whatever you decide..
You are right too, I need to be more blunt with people! It's just that they think they are giving me a compliment so it's hard to tell them to shut up. Geez we grow a thick skin through this process...
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