Oh hon, I'm so sorry I am the same with my fur-babies. I had a dog and a cat who passed within a month of each other - the dog was 15 and the cat was 9. I had them both cremated and to this day they are in little urns in my house. I can't bare the thought of putting them out anywhere as we rent, and I don't want to leave them behind
I lost Blossom at 8 weeks and the grief was insurmountable. I honestly can't say that when I lost my dog and my cat it was any easier. Either way they were members of my family, and whilst I don't cry myself to sleep about them anymore (they've been gone for nearly ten years) I still miss them desperately.
I form very tight attachments to my animals so I feel for you