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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I'm not the only one who thinks like this. Many women are forced into the workforce because of financial circumstances. There has been much research done into the fact that women do twice as much unpaid work in the household as opposed to men and that women are more unhappy now than ever. But it's not always the mans fault work hours these days are insane. People talk about the man taking time off, in many work places it's hard to just take annual leave let alone flexible work arrangements. DH was telling me that his boss took 2 weeks leave the first time in 5 years!
    I see women coming back to work in tears, I see women so exhausted they look like they have aged 10 years in 6 months. I stand around the kitchen when women compare how much sleep they had "was it 3 hours or 4". I hear about the constant relationship breakdowns. I see kids go off the rails because their parents are not there for them. This isn't a man vs women issue this is a society issue.
    So why not opt out? What's changed so much about our society that people have to live this way? Is it rampant materialism meaning we spend too much on houses and spend our life in misery to pay for it?

    Honestly if they are that unhappy I would suggest a life overhaul and downsizing. I realise it's far easier said than done but j felt like I was completely trapped on a treadmill when I went back to work after my second was born and DH and I spent a year working out how to make a change.

    I think some times we get so caught up just living we forget what we're living for.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post

    I think some times we get so caught up just living we forget what we're living for.
    I so agree with this

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  5. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    So why not opt out? What's changed so much about our society that people have to live this way? Is it rampant materialism meaning we spend too much on houses and spend our life in misery to pay for it?

    Honestly if they are that unhappy I would suggest a life overhaul and downsizing. I realise it's far easier said than done but j felt like I was completely trapped on a treadmill when I went back to work after my second was born and DH and I spent a year working out how to make a change.

    I think some times we get so caught up just living we forget what we're living for.
    This is our plan. We built what we thought was our forever home but now we have worked out how much equity we have in it, once we finish building our investment property we are likely to sell our 'forever home' move into the investment and be mortgage free, allowing DH to find a less stressful job and working less hours and so I can work a few more hours so we spend equal times at work and at home as eachother.

    In answer to the OP, my DH earns nearly 3 times as much as me, but he started his career straight after uni (he works in finance) whereas it took me 3 years out of uni to establish my career (marketing - jobs were hard to come by so I did a lot of admin work). We then lived overseas for a year in a city where finance jobs were a dime a dozen and paid a lot so he got a job in a bank and marketing and admin jobs that I was qualified for payed rubbish.

    We got home and I did a few temp contracts and purposely sought out a job with an organisation with good mat leave (26 weeks paid) and he went back to his job he was in before we left (I had to give mine up as I couldn't get leave without pay).

    Where we are is via my choices (with support of DH). But now he knows how hard it is being at home with the kids even just 2 days and we agreed that if I eat the more than him he would work part time and I'd be full time. The jobs market for each of our different industries and the fact he's older than me has lead to our difference in pay.

    I'm just biding my time until both kids are at school so I can get back to working more and hopefully in interior design type role as this is the course I'm currently studying. Having kids has made me realise that money doesn't matter, being fulfilled in a job I actually enjoy and having more family time are far more important than climbing corporate ladders and hitting glass ceilings etc.

  6. #44
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    Default Spinoff:

    Hubby works, I stay home. I'll go back to work once our youngest is in prep (we haven't had a second yet so it might be a few years away yet!). We decided this together. We are both teachers so if I was also working full time then DD would need to be in full time daycare 7-6 every day. My salary wouldn't be much after paying for it. As I'm a teacher I am trained in childhood education and we felt DD would be better off at home with me. Hubby does extra tutoring so I can afford to stay home. If I had a very high paying job then it might have been the other way around. Hubby does say that he wouldn't be able to cope with being home though lol
    Hopefully when it is time for me to return to the workforce I shouldn't have too much trouble. Because we moved from the uk and I didn't complete a full year contract here the school that hires me will get someone with a few years of experience but for a graduate salary!

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    When I first got pregnant I earned more than DH, when I came back from mat leave we both worked part time.
    During this time DH copped a lot of stick at work, lots of comments framed as jokes about having days off and long weekends and how lucky he was and a bludger.
    He was offered a promotion which would take his pay up to my FT equivalent but it wasn't on the table unless he worked FT. We both wanted more money coming in so he went for it.
    So he started FT and I dropped another two shifts and that's where we are now, me working PT and him FT.
    Our reasons for this are mostly around work /life balance. He's a teacher so gets more holidays than me which is one of the reasons we decided to have this set up. I'm also in a high burn out profession so don't really want to work FT.

  8. #46
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    I was working PT after my mat leave and it was great. The reason I went back full time was bc dh was going to be made redundant and we were still paying for childcare because we didn't want to lose our spot.
    Now my workplace is also restructuring and thankfully I still have a job. Dh has also recently found work so we are ok now. Lots of our friends have recently been through restructures and redundancies. It just feels like job security isn't what it used to be.

  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    This is our plan. We built what we thought was our forever home but now we have worked out how much equity we have in it, once we finish building our investment property we are likely to sell our 'forever home' move into the investment and be mortgage free, allowing DH to find a less stressful job and working less hours and so I can work a few more hours so we spend equal times at work and at home as eachother.
    You're very lucky you have been able to do this. Not everyone has enough money to build a house and an investment property to gain equity.
    I understand the sentiment behind living within your means so you can actually live...but for many having two parents working is required to be able to put food on the table each week and pay rent/mortgage in their small, modest home, not so they can have fancy cars and live in oversized houses. The average Australian income is $90k for a two adult, two child family. It's not much. I know where we live (which has high housing costs) with our modest little house we would never be able to pay our mortgage if our combined full time wages was $90k...and sure we could move further out...and spend an hour travelling to work and back each way, live in a rough area away from everything that we enjoy in life, but that doesn't sound like much fun either.
    Last edited by Full House; 10-03-2016 at 17:25.

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  11. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    You're very lucky you have been able to do this. Not everyone has enough money to build a house and an investment property to gain equity.
    I understand the sentiment behind living within your means so you can actually live...but for many having two parents working is required to be able to put food on the table each week and pay rent/mortgage in their small, modest home, not so they can have fancy cars and live in oversized houses. The average Australian income is $90k for a two adult, two child family. It's not much. I know where we live (which has high housing costs) with our modest little house we would never be able to pay our mortgage if our combined full time wages was $90k...and sure we could move further out...and spend an hour travelling to work and back each way, live in a rough area away from everything that we enjoy in life, but that doesn't sound like much fun either.
    Yes we live in an old house an hour from the city. We drive 2 modest second hand cars. Most of our holidays involve driving up and down the coast.
    I don't know how people do it on one income unless the person is on 150k. When you add up insurance, school, bills, mortgage, food etc an average income doesn't go far.
    People are quick to say move to a cheaper city but cheaper cities are cheaper for a reason. It's not easy to move away from friends and kids schools etc.
    I don't want to live like I am forever and I take full responsibility for making bad decisions when I was younger. A divorce, buying a house to late, not going to uni early but that doesn't take away from the fact that it is really hard for me and I feel stuck.
    Someone mentioned opting out and I want to opt out I'm just not sure what I should be opting out too...maybe a cabin in the woods.

  12. #49
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    I study/work part time (about 4 full days a week). Dh works full time. Once I finish my degree, assuming I can get a job, I'll earn more than dh. He will likely still work fulltime though - I don't think staying at home would be good for him. Haha. And we might actually be able to buy a house! I hope to work part time, at least while I have kids under 5. Since we've had ds, dh has learnt to cook, clean, shop etc. He has to when I get home later than he does.

    In my industry, it can be very discouraging to women to work their way up as there is this huge unwritten expectation to work overtime. That's just not achievable for women with families. It shouldn't be that way and people are actively trying to change the status quo. It's not easy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jontu View Post
    But deciding to come back to work part time is something I still see as being a choice, the best choice for the family at the time. So I don't see it as being because of constraints placed upon individuals by their workplace due to gender (of course there would be some exception). And going by the replies, it sounds like the playing field was pretty even pre - kids but shifted after having kids but sounds like it's the women who's focus has shifted.
    Why can't a part time job be a legitimate career with progression/promotion?

    It doesn't have to be that way!


 
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