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  1. #31
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    I can see from some of the replies how the gender inequality does exist in some professions but I would say in my profession my experience has been similar to the OP. Me and DH are in same profession (vets) but like the op DH has been a bit more career driven than me since qualifying so has done further training and qualifications to become a specialist so does earn more than I would (I'm currently a sahm but not really by choice). The profession is now heavily weighted with women (most universities intakes in uk are at least 80% female) so the opportunities that exist for females and possibility of part time work etc are usually very feasible. However I would agree with op that although I have female friends that have gone on to further education or climbed up the career path as it were to become partner for example in a practice, a higher proportion of my male friends have done this rather than stay in a more junior position. I have always thought this is in part due to the fact that many women do see themselves having children and taking some time off but this may well just be my viewpoint. Now I've had children and some time off I am now looking into further training when I have the chance to go back to work full time but it wasn't really on my radar before.
    So in answer to op I do think for some professions the gender inequalities don't necessarily exist and the same opportunities and senior positions are available to women. Some women like myself chose not to progress further as they put the idea of family life and a career break above pushing themselves early on.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jontu View Post
    I am genuinely trying to understand though why it's the women who are going back part time. Why is it not the men?
    Because society tells women they should be nurturing. A full time mum clearly cares more about promotion that her child right? There is a huge pressure that mothers should be better carers and if they don't want to be, there is something wrong with them. I consider myself the stereotypical mother. But in reality many women don't enjoy being home and being that mother but feel judged.

    Because the glass ceiling already existed for these women before they had kids. So the man in the relationship often earns more before they even become parents. Therefore once mat leave is over, she goes back to work he stays home and she earns 60k but if he goes back he will earn 80k. For many families that 20k is huge.

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  4. #33
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    DH is chasing his dream job. He works long hours and I work fulltime. His work hours means most of the household and kids fall on me. I don't want to work but I have to, it's not my choice it's a financial decision I have to make. I would give anything to be a stay at home mum but DH doesn't see it that way. I sleep about 4-6 hours a day. Oh I also study to get ahead when I don't even want to. My work is not flexible and I can not work part time. Did I mention I hate my life... My dream is to be a 1950s house wife. So much for choice huh.

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    DH is chasing his dream job. He works long hours and I work fulltime. His work hours means most of the household and kids fall on me. I don't want to work but I have to, it's not my choice it's a financial decision I have to make. I would give anything to be a stay at home mum but DH doesn't see it that way. I sleep about 4-6 hours a day. Oh I also study to get ahead when I don't even want to. My work is not flexible and I can not work part time. Did I mention I hate my life... My dream is to be a 1950s house wife. So much for choice huh.
    I was talking to a second wave feminist last week. Super passionate woman who actively fought for women's rights in the 60's and 70's. She was talking about how much had changed and apologised to me and the other woman she was talking to...she said 'our plan was to allow women the freedom of choice, not to make it so they HAD to do everything. We're sorry, it was never our intention.' She made me giggle, but your post reminded me of that conversation

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  7. #35
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    When I was pregnant, hubby left it up to me how long I took off work. Realistically we could only afford 6 months but if I wanted longer, he would've supported that choice and we would have made it work. I went back 3 days per week and whilst my employer initially seemed not so supportive (telling me I had to do specific days when really it made no difference whatsoever, I wasn't job sharing and my job is no busier on one day than it is on another), I remained part time until my daughter was almost 3. After having a promotion dangled in front of me for 10 months, it was finally granted at the start of this year so I'm now back at work full time. I have a feeling that the delay may have been my employer thinking I would have baby #2 so holding off but when there was no talk of baby, they started to worry that I'd look elsewhere (which I did!) so finally offered me the role.

    Hubby is 2 years older than me, so has 2 years work experience on me. We are both professionals, I'm slightly more educated than him but he's highly regarded and valued in his company. Right now, following 2.5 years of part time work, I'm the closest to his salary that I have ever been. I'm earning about $15k more than he did at my age. So thankfully having a child and working part time hasn't decreased my earnings today. However I'm under no illusion that had I not had my daughter 3 years ago, I probably would have been given this promotion years ago. I feel like my company made the choice for me that I wouldn't want to step into a full time, more demanding role with a baby. Which is probably true, but that's not their decision to make.

  8. #36
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    I don't feel like getting right into the discussion right now, but will simply say...choices are constrained by what is deemed socially acceptable. Give a bunch of 6 year olds a choice between Lego Friends (usually appearance/friends oriented) and Lego City (career/action oriented), and you'd likely find a clear gender divide. We don't make our choices in a vacuum...they're made within what we see as possible or acceptable for ourselves (a set of possibilities that unfortunately are starkly different based on how you start out life).

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  10. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I was the main breadwinner in our marriage for a long time. I was a very ambitious lawyer working my way up the ladder to partnership.

    When I became pregnant my job fell apart. I worked my guts out through my pregnancy to the point one barrister commented at 8 months "oh I didn't even know she was expecting" when told I was having some time off shortly.

    I was treated appallingly and it was assumed that I was not coming back after the baby / interested in partnership anymore.

    I realised while on maternity leave it would be hell returning so I moved firms. My career essentially died at the next place as part time lawyers were largely invisible. I didn't have to be as good as the men i had to be better.

    We moved interstate for DH to progress his career and give me a break. It turned out to be the best decision as he's done really well and I also have found a great flexible job that works for the family. But my career is pretty well over otherwise.

    So definitely for me I've suffered for my choice of career and being a woman.
    Sorry this happened to you after all your hard work and dedication prior to mat leave

  11. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I was talking to a second wave feminist last week. Super passionate woman who actively fought for women's rights in the 60's and 70's. She was talking about how much had changed and apologised to me and the other woman she was talking to...she said 'our plan was to allow women the freedom of choice, not to make it so they HAD to do everything. We're sorry, it was never our intention.' She made me giggle, but your post reminded me of that conversation
    I'm not the only one who thinks like this. Many women are forced into the workforce because of financial circumstances. There has been much research done into the fact that women do twice as much unpaid work in the household as opposed to men and that women are more unhappy now than ever. But it's not always the mans fault work hours these days are insane. People talk about the man taking time off, in many work places it's hard to just take annual leave let alone flexible work arrangements. DH was telling me that his boss took 2 weeks leave the first time in 5 years!
    I see women coming back to work in tears, I see women so exhausted they look like they have aged 10 years in 6 months. I stand around the kitchen when women compare how much sleep they had "was it 3 hours or 4". I hear about the constant relationship breakdowns. I see kids go off the rails because their parents are not there for them. This isn't a man vs women issue this is a society issue.

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  13. #39
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    Maybe it's consumerism. People wanting more and more. Going on overseas holidays every year, new car, new phones, latest gadgets. Then the more you earn the more you spend then you need to earn more to keep up your lifestyle and there's more stress and more pressure. That's my theory anyway.

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  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I'm not the only one who thinks like this. Many women are forced into the workforce because of financial circumstances. There has been much research done into the fact that women do twice as much unpaid work in the household as opposed to men and that women are more unhappy now than ever. But it's not always the mans fault work hours these days are insane. People talk about the man taking time off, in many work places it's hard to just take annual leave let alone flexible work arrangements. DH was telling me that his boss took 2 weeks leave the first time in 5 years!
    I see women coming back to work in tears, I see women so exhausted they look like they have aged 10 years in 6 months. I stand around the kitchen when women compare how much sleep they had "was it 3 hours or 4". I hear about the constant relationship breakdowns. I see kids go off the rails because their parents are not there for them. This isn't a man vs women issue this is a society issue.
    I know all of this


 
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