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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    For those that don't ask.... how do you know they will say no?

    I ask both my folks and in laws all the time. How are they to know otherwise that you need them? They probably think you are doing OK or that you will ask.

    I guess in my world - we help out/visit our family very often. We get dragged into family drama and get into arguments. But it goes both ways. We help them. They help us.
    I don't ask my parents as apart from their lack of interest in my family, they made it pretty clear when I was pregnant not to ask them. I made a joke about babysitting, was told "don't expect us to do it. We've been there, done that". Their other grandkids are older and apparently my kids aren't important. We spent 3 years driving hours to them to try to give the kids a relationship with them. The visits were never reciprocated, I never got responses to photos etc so now I don't bother trying to facilitate a relationship. They see the kids maybe twice a year so they can pretend to be great grandparents and that's it. I'd never ask them now even if I was desperate. While the 6yo kind of remembers them, the 4yo has no idea who they are.

    The IL's will help. But only if it's convenient for them. When we have asked for help, their social life is always more important so now we just don't bother. And on the odd time it was convenient, it always turned out to be more work for us (would only help if we took them there etc) which if you're sick and can't get out of bed, isn't much help!! So we didn't bother following through.

    I feel sad for my kids. My grandparents were great! I will be using them as my example of how to be a grandparent. My kids might be missing out, but my grandkids sure won't.

  2. #82
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    My mum will help if we ask but she's 74 now and lives 45 mins away. She adores our girls tho and we catch up with her often. My dad passed away when I was 8 weeks pregnant with our eldest 😔

    Dh has only met his Dad once and he lives interstate so hasn't met our girls and his mum we have no contact with as she isn't very nice. She hasn't even met our youngest who is almost 2 😕

    Eta my sisters, brother & sil and cousin often babysit our girls tho for us.

  3. #83
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    My parents/family not so much. Well my mum has passed away so obviously she can't lol but dad has only baby sat my kids once and I've been a mum for 12 years!

    My psrtners parents are always babysitting, in fact me and partner are going out tonight for my sister's birthday and his parents are looking after them. His mum even suggested one weekend every two months we go away for a few days and they stay at their place.

  4. #84
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    With four kids it's hard to get people to babysit all at once. My sister will only have one at a time which is fine. Some times we will hsve one or two kids with us then the next time hsve the others.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    No. My parents live 5 minutes away and work full time. They know I've struggled A LOT since DD was born. At first they laughed when I said I was struggling. They don't offer to help, I don't bother asking.
    ETA : DH has no family here so no help on that side either.
    ETA X 2: DD is 8 months old. DH and I have never had the opportunity to go out alone without DD since she was born. That doesn't bother me. But things like I have a specialist appointment this week and weekly physio appointments due to a serious injury and I have no one to help so I have to take her with me with no help which is difficult as she gets grumpy half way through my appointments most of the time. I'm so stressed about my specialist appointment and hoping DD is calm and happy to sit in her Pram, again, while I'm having my appointment 😔 that's where help would be handy for me.
    Have you looked into occasional care?
    Just a suggestion...

  6. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I grew up next door to my grandparents. I think my sister and I pretty much lived at their house every weekend. It was absolutely idyllic and I don't think it was ever seen as giving my parents a "break" more that was just what my grandparents wanted.

    I hope when my grandkids are born I can be that sort of grandmother. I'd love to have that close bond with my grandkids.
    Same!
    We used to live close to both sets of grandparents and stayed at their homes all the time. We loved it.

  7. #87
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    My parents and in laws looked after DD 3 days a week since she was 1 until 3.5 when she started child care and now look after DS 3 days a week and will do so until early next year (when he's 2.5). They also occasionally will come to ours on a Saturday night and watch the kids if we want to go to dinner alone or with friends. Each set of grand parents might do that 4-5 times a year.

  8. #88
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    Yes, we receive an enormous amount of help. My FIL has had DS 1 or 2 days a week since he was a few months old for my uni. He will either come to our place or I will drop him off there for the day, depends what is needed. He will happily have DS all day and into the evening if required. My Mum has him one day a week and used to drive for one hour and sleep here just so she could have him for the next day and save me the drive when I was on placement.

    I honestly don't know how I would have done my degree if I t wasn't for my Mum and my FIL. Even when one of them looks after DS late notice or on a weekend night/ afternoon, I have never felt like I am bothering them! They usually message me and say not to hurry to pick him up!!

  9. #89
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    I am blessed with 2 sets of great parents that help out a lot, and I wouldn't be able to do it without them������

  10. #90
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    Reading through this thread makes me realize how lucky we are. Even though I have a pretty tempestuous relationship with both my mum and MIL, they both adore their grandchildren and help us out a lot.

    We have dinner once a week at my mums place and she has DD1 once a week. MIL had started taking 1 day off work a week for the sole reason of getting to spend a day with DD1. We also have dinner with the in laws about twice a month.

    My Dad and FIL are also great with my girls and I wouldn't hesitate to leave my kids with them.

    DD1 usually has a sleepover with either mine or DHs parents about twice a month.

    I've no doubt when DD2 is older our parents will be just as hands on with her.

    I've never had to ask for help either, they always offer or rather insist, and although I sometimes get annoyed with the lack of boundaries I'm actually very grateful that we have such a strong family support system.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mama Mirabelle For This Useful Post:

    Phia  (04-11-2016),VicPark  (02-11-2016)


 

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