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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hulahoop View Post
    I might be going against the grain here, but does a nearly 16 year old need to be shown how to make a sandwich and put an apple in his bag? It doesn't take a lot of imagination and if he gets is wrong, he will not starve or die of malnutrition. Stick to your guns and follow through with your new rules.
    I was thinking it was more than just making lunch

  2. #22
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    I remember when my sister asked how to turn the iron on.... *facepalm! She was late teens

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  4. #23
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    I am not saying this is the OP but I know people that could not look after themselves including making beds/proper lunches etc etc (they are older and live and home still).

    But it is a good age to teach things like how to wash/iron clothes. Basic cooking. Cleaning (including vacuuming, mopping, bathroom etc etc).

    It is a hormonal time though. Not looking forward to it.

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    Mrs Tickle  (07-03-2016)

  6. #24
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    I'd go even a bit further. At almost 16, I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect him to be helping with, and capable of doing on his own, the washing/folding/ironing, cooking family meals, cleaning the house, shopping and yard maintenance.

    It isn't about punishment- it's about having the life skills to be able to function on his own in a few short years' time. You'll be doing him a great disservice if you don't help him learn to stand on his own two feet.

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  8. #25
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    Think of it this way...if you don't follow through, you give him no reason to respect you. And if you don't follow through right now, he may grow up to be a 40 year old, not only still living with is parents, but expecting you to still do everything for him (I know of someone like this, so it's not that far fetched). It's important that he learns the skills he needs to survive in the real world. That's not punishment, it's parenting. And I agree with everyone else that you should punish him for the internet tantrum, but treat the responsibility thing as a whole separate thing.

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    Cicho  (07-03-2016)

  10. #26
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    I know a lady who does everything for her two sons, ages 24 & 22. She makes their lunches everyday for work, cooks dinner for them, does their washing, ironing, everything - you name it. Oh, she works full time too. They both have girlfriends so I guess if they ever move away from mum the girlfriend will take over as slave. I don't think this will be your son, but this is what some women create for themselves!!

  11. #27
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    This is all great advice. Now that I've calmed down I will take a lot of your suggestions to heart.
    I agree that he needs more responsibility.
    HE is applying for jobs so that's a plus, and rugby starts up again in a couple weeks so he'll have that to do.
    With 3 kids getting older and working I really do need the help so we'll have to set some plans in motion.

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  13. #28
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    Not too harsh at all. As PP have said, the housework stuff isn't really related to the internet usage...but it sounds like both need to change.

    I'd suggest:
    1. absolutely, stick to your guns
    2. start by acknowledging how he feels (or you think he feels). Don't blame him for anything, or say anything hurtful...just tell him how you feel, what your basic standards are and ask him to help you figure out how EVERYONE in the family can have their needs met. Make it clear that contributing is not OPTIONAL, but you may be able to negotiate on the details. Firm but kind, you know?
    So for example with the internet... "You must have felt very frustrated when we asked you to stop playing your game. I know how hard it is when you're doing something that's valuable to you, and others don't acknowledge it. Perhaps you feel like you're the only kid who can't play their games whenever you like? We asked you to stop because we wanted to finish watching our show. We feel you've treated us very disrespectfully, and are going to limit your internet usage until you can show us X, Y, Z."

    I've worked with a LOT of teenagers (and had similar arguments with them!). My best advice is treat them with respect, even if they're not showing it to you. Acknowledge where they're coming from, even if you think it's ridiculous. Then state clearly and calmly what you expect (and consequences if it doesn't happen). In all liklihood you'll get tantrums over it, but he'll come around when he realises that the benefits of doing what you expect outweigh those of ignoring you...like a toddler :P

    Good luck...frustrating times!

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  15. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    Not too harsh at all. As PP have said, the housework stuff isn't really related to the internet usage...but it sounds like both need to change.

    I'd suggest:
    1. absolutely, stick to your guns
    2. start by acknowledging how he feels (or you think he feels). Don't blame him for anything, or say anything hurtful...just tell him how you feel, what your basic standards are and ask him to help you figure out how EVERYONE in the family can have their needs met. Make it clear that contributing is not OPTIONAL, but you may be able to negotiate on the details. Firm but kind, you know?
    So for example with the internet... "You must have felt very frustrated when we asked you to stop playing your game. I know how hard it is when you're doing something that's valuable to you, and others don't acknowledge it. Perhaps you feel like you're the only kid who can't play their games whenever you like? We asked you to stop because we wanted to finish watching our show. We feel you've treated us very disrespectfully, and are going to limit your internet usage until you can show us X, Y, Z."

    I've worked with a LOT of teenagers (and had similar arguments with them!). My best advice is treat them with respect, even if they're not showing it to you. Acknowledge where they're coming from, even if you think it's ridiculous. Then state clearly and calmly what you expect (and consequences if it doesn't happen). In all liklihood you'll get tantrums over it, but he'll come around when he realises that the benefits of doing what you expect outweigh those of ignoring you...like a toddler
    Good luck...frustrating times!
    This is really good advice and I need to take it. We tend to start out being very reasonable but he just knows how to push our buttons and I get so mad.
    As I said, it takes a lot to get DH mad but ODS is very good at it.

  16. #30
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    Stick to your guns.

    My MIL is still washing, cooking and cleaning for her 35 year old son.


 

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