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  1. #11
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    I don't think your harsh enough. At sixteen I was in n out of home ...he should be helping you way more .An showing you more respect .domnt feel bad

  2. #12
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    I think you have to follow through, otherwise you end up with a situation where he won't take you seriously and will think you're a pushover. So this morning, smile and hand him the lunch ingredients and be lighthearted and say "OK DS, time to make your lunch!" and make a bit of a joke of it to diffuse any tension but still make sure he does make his lunch, and do it for him. When he comes home from school today show him how to use the washing machine etc. I don't envy you, I'll be in your shoes in a matter of 10ish years or so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    He needs to be shown how to do these things before you cut him off.

    If it were me I'd be talking to him about the fight and saying that it has led to doing things differently. From now on these are his responsibilities and set them out for him. Show him how to do it and then let him. Don't criticise if he gets it wrong or redo it. My mother always did that and it drove me insane until I told her not to.

    Yes his future wife will hate you unless he turns into an adult soon! Good luck op.
    This is good advice.

    You do need to follow through but showing him how to do it needs to be done.

  4. #14
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    I don't have children (yet) but I agree with previous posters that you have to follow through. It will be tough on both of you but worth it- your DS needs to know that you mean what you say.
    And hopefully by age 16, he should know how to fold and put away laundry, make his lunch and bed. Showing him how may be interpreted as you continuing to do it for him.

  5. #15
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    I agree with the pp's, stick to your guns, but have a talk, and ease into it. My oldest is only entering the craziness of puberty, so I'm not an expert. What is working for us though when she cracks it over chores, is constantly reminding her- this is not a punishment, we all contribute in some way to this household because we are a family.

  6. #16
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    I am so dreading having teenagers!! I agree with a PP that the consequence of the behaviour should have been internet related. I also agree that sitting down for a calm chat about it is a good idea.
    He should definitely be doing more for himself though. Given he's come this far not having to do anything for himself, it would probably be best to take it one step at a time - maybe start with one of the things (make lunch or do his washing) and then add to it as each thing becomes part of the routine. He's old enough to understand why he needs to start looking after himself.

  7. #17
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    Like pp I agree the consequence needs to be relevant to the issue - which was the Internet.

    As for helping around the house that was your frustration spilling over on to your son. I'm not saying he shouldn't be helping out - he should. However you and your DH need to accept that the reason he doesn't is because you have allowed him not to.

    When we let someone do something over and over again, whilst secretly growing resentful but then finally blow up about it - it's not fair to expect the other person (especially a child) - to just go 'oh ok sure I'll do more'. He has an expectation of how things work - and you have created that.

    Whilst calm you need to sit down as a family and explain that expectations have changed. Outline what the new expectations of his behaviour are and then be PATIENT. It will take time to adjust for everyone.

    Oh and I've been where you are DS1 will be 21 next month and we had a temper tantrum over the Internet too.

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  9. #18
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    You've already been given some great advice, so I won't add to that.

    I don't think you've been too harsh. At 16 I was definitely doing my own laundry (I remember helping mum with it in primary school), making my bed, cleaning my room (including vacuuming - and mopping when we had floor boards), I was responsible for getting myself to and from school, helped with cooking one night a week, dusted and cleaned a bathroom once a week. I often vacuumed and mopped. I can't remember what happened for lunches. I had been doing those chores for quite a while by 16, and I had been helping mum with them since I was very young. I suspect that mum went back over and did some things until I got up to her standards, but I never knew she was fixing it!

    Perhaps a good time to sit down and figure out what both your boys will be doing to help out around the house moving forward, and reassessing expectations.

  10. #19
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    I agree wth the PP by 16 I had learned to do so much I was ready to leave home. My sister moved out at 16 (her choice) which devastated my parents but she was ready.

    OP do you ever go away without him? How does he look after himself if you do?

  11. #20
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    I might be going against the grain here, but does a nearly 16 year old need to be shown how to make a sandwich and put an apple in his bag? It doesn't take a lot of imagination and if he gets is wrong, he will not starve or die of malnutrition. Stick to your guns and follow through with your new rules.

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