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  1. #11
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    Doesn't every woman want to fall in love, get engaged, marry the person they love and possibly start a family? These milestones aren't exclusive to you. I could very well say that your SIL is trying to copy me!

    I don't think 19 is too young to be thinking about these things. At 19 I met my beautiful fiancée and we became engaged almost immediately. Our wedding is planned for 4 months and we have a beautiful daughter.

    After our DD was born my best friend said she wanted to have a baby. I didn't think she was copying us. She's allowed to have children when she wants. I wouldn't dare look at someone's circumstances and judge whether they're 'suitable' to be thinking about TTC or getting engaged or having a wedding.

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  3. #12
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    You know, I have a 'normal
    SIL' (my brothers wife) and she is younger than me. I'm not threatened by her, she hasn't acted like a jealous lunatic and my Mum makes an effort to be close to her. It's really pleasant and lovely on all of our parts. We share all of our highs and lows as a family and even if someone felt a bit ' jealous' because someone was doing something before someone else, it's kept under wraps because this whole family doesn't revolve around one persons's happiness. My DH sister on the other hand.... ! Its tiring, it's juvenile and quite frankly if I acted in the manner she did I would have been ostracised. I care about my MIL so I step back when SIL is around as not to make things harder for MIL. She knows I do this and I know she appreciates it and sticks up for me with the big things. I say pick your battles and become very polite and a little indifferent. If I have a really big issue I tell DH to sort her out. She isn't my problem. She would sook it up if it were me saying anything. She can't blame it on me if DH says it.

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  5. #13
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    Default SIL problem

    And I tell you another thing, being a little 'jealous' because you can't wait for it to be your turn but still making a real effort to be happy and supportive would be accepted. If my SIL thinks after all the Xmases she has ruined for my us and our young children with her sulking and carry on, then there isn't going to be much effort made when its her turn. We will be pleasant and polite and lovely to her future children and partner ( a darn sight more than she was) but it won't be the magical experience she wants. She didn't mind ruining ours year after year!
    Last edited by Aquillah; 06-03-2016 at 22:15.

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquillah View Post
    My DH sister on the other hand.... ! Its tiring, it's juvenile and quite frankly if I acted in the manner she did I would have been ostracised. I care about my MIL so I step back when SIL is around as not to make things harder for MIL. She knows I do this and I know she appreciates it and sticks up for me with the big things. I say pick your battles and become very polite and a little indifferent. If I have a really big issue I tell DH to sort her out. She isn't my problem. She would sook it up if it were me saying anything. She can't blame it on me if DH says it.
    You read my mind! My thoughts exactly and what I now have to do, unfortunately.

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    If she's 25 and he's 19, perhaps she's more wishing he wants the things she wants. I think it's more a reflection of her issues in her own relationship, not wanting to 'copy' you. So when something more 'adult' happens to you, she wishes it was her.

    Can you maybe talk to her about it? Hey I've noticed there have been some comments made about our life events and you wanting the same, is 'boyfriend' on the same page as you? Because it seems like you really want marriage and kids, but maybe he's not quite ready? And see what she says. At least you're talking to her out of concern about her own situation and not accusing her of being immature or copying you. The discussion might make you feel better about her behaviour??

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  9. #16
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    Better start growing that thick skin.

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    You sure this is a reflection of your sister in laws negative intention as opposed to something you are feeling which may (or may not) come from a different place?

    Just forget it. Focus on your own hubby and ttc. Enjoy your mil's company and maybe on occasion invite your SIL somewhere. Don't let the negative thought get to you - that will only end in heartache.

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  12. #18
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    The thing that struck me most about this is why is your MIL sharing details of your SIL's conversations with her?

    Surely what they talk about is between them?

    especially since the details she's sharing aren't helpful to anyone!

    If you don't want SIL copying, or trying to, avoid telling her your plans. She can't copy what she doesn't know. And I'd be making sure MIL isn't sharing your info too. If she does, don't tell her either, until you're ready for everyone to know.

    As for SIL, I'd try and ignore it. In the big scheme of things is she causing harm? She sounds jealous and also a bit sad that her life isn't turning out the way she hoped or by the time she hoped.

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    I think you're reading too much into a lot of this. I assume at 25 you're not the only person in her life starting to get married or have children and it's probably more of a case of her feeling left behind and wanting her life to move forward, especially if she is 25 with a 19 year old boyfriend. I also think your MIL is probably compounding the situation as it sounds like she's being a bit 'gossipy' with both of you, it would really annoy me if my mom was telling somebody else in our family things about me like I am jealous of somebody else, etc. and from your original post it sounds like your MIL is doing that. Also, since I was a little girl I've always been obsessed with weddings and babies, it's a bit unfair of you to stake claims on things like expos and being annoyed at her for going to them, who cares how she wants to spend her free time, it's as much your business as what you do is hers.

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    I tend to agree that your MIL should not be sharing things with you that her daughter tells her. How do you know she asks for a present when you get something if it's not in front of you? That's a little odd to be honest.

    I do have some sympathy. I didn't get along very well with my SIL until we moved interstate and no longer saw each other often. I was very close to my MIL and had been for years and I knew it made her feel uncomfortable (she was also a daughter in law - only boys in DH's family). Once we all started having kids it got more tense. I just let everything slide for the sake of DH's relationship with his brother. I found out years later she had severe PND and a whole lot of other stuff going on that had nothing to do with me.

    Try and turn the other cheek and just let it wash over you. And also if your MIL brings up conversations she's had with the daughter politely change the subject.

    I do think it's odd to go to wedding and baby expos before kids or marriage is on your horizon but that's me. Marriage and babies were never that important to me growing up but other people feel differently.


 

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