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  1. #1
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    Default SIL problem

    Has anyone here ever had problems with their sister in law wanting to copy your own major events (e.g engagement, getting married, TTC etc)?
    My SIL is a lot younger than me (10 years) and seems very jealous that I am close to my MIL.
    When we got engaged my MIL mentioned my SIL then started talking about wanting to herself and this continued even after the wedding. SIL even went to a wedding and baby expo with MIL for herself when we were the ones going through the two events, not her.
    We are now TTC and MIL mentioned again SIL is now talking about this, even though she is not in an ideal position to do this (still lives at home, BF is only 19 and got his first ever job etc). The BF isn't interested in this yet but is being pressured by SIL (at least for the ring).
    It is all very trivial but at the same time quite frustrating as it feels like SIL can't stand us having the limelight or me being close to MIL and wants everything we have, even though we have already established careers, house etc.
    SIL even always becomes jealous like a child if MIL buys me a gift and asks where hers is (not in front of me of course).
    I just want to tell her to grow up, that she was always bound to have a SIL and not be the only girl around!

  2. #2
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    My SIL was livid that i got engaged before her.
    She got engaged a month before my wedding and was practically taking notes at my wedding and saying how much better her's would be.

    Same again when i fell preg 4mths before her. Everything she did was OTT

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  4. #3
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    Oh yes! I have had the exact same problem. I have learnt to be a lot quieter when SIL is around and have more in depth conversations when it's just us. I also basically let my SIL get on with it and never discuss my plans with her anymore and keep the conversations very general. Hubby finds her silliness a PITA which is reassuring. 😜

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  6. #4
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    My SIL is very competitive it used to bother me, now I just don't worry about it.

    A few things she has done over the years: announced she was pregnant the day our first was born, got married the same gestation that I was at my wedding (she asked me how many weeks I was when she was planning her wedding), when DH told her we were pregnant with number 2 (who was a surprise) she said, oh you can't let me have the limelight ever can you (as she was due in a month with her first), there are so many others things I've lost count. We get along pretty well and I know she looks up to me but I am fairly quiet about my own life lately.

    She can be a total pain but she is a loving aunt to our girls and will do anything for family. So I just ignore it, I've been where you are OP, it's all just jealousy!

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    I'm sorry to say this but as an outsider looking in, I think you should cut her some slack. Is SIL also 19? It's a bit much saying she should 'grow up'..... She is 10 years younger then you! The late teens and early twenties are a pretty intense time for women trying to work out who they are and where they want to be going. She is looking at your loving relationship, fun times wedding planning, beautiful babies on the way and an awesome relationship with her own mother..... Is it really surprising that she is envious? Remember she is also looking at your life with the rose coloured glasses that come with her age.
    I think you should try to see it as a compliment. If she is just too much to handle then quietly avoid her or whatever you think will best preserve the relationship because in a few years when she has had the chance to grow up you guys might have heaps in common and have a great relationship. Or at the very least she will be a great Aunty and baby sitter!!! Good luck. X

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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    I'm sorry to say this but as an outsider looking in, I think you should cut her some slack. Is SIL also 19? It's a bit much saying she should 'grow up'..... She is 10 years younger then you! The late teens and early twenties are a pretty intense time for women trying to work out who they are and where they want to be going. She is looking at your loving relationship, fun times wedding planning, beautiful babies on the way and an awesome relationship with her own mother..... Is it really surprising that she is envious? Remember she is also looking at your life with the rose coloured glasses that come with her age.
    I think you should try to see it as a compliment. If she is just too much to handle then quietly avoid her or whatever you think will best preserve the relationship because in a few years when she has had the chance to grow up you guys might have heaps in common and have a great relationship. Or at the very least she will be a great Aunty and baby sitter!!! Good luck. X
    Hi
    Yes, I do see your point.
    In essence, SIL automatically wants what we are doing and becomes jealous of MIL and I anytime we do anything together or for each other. In fairness, I am the first DIL for their family so she has not had to share her Mum until DH and I met, but this was a long time ago!
    SIL is 25, so yes, still young and impressionable but was not talking about any of these topics until we were.
    I do believe SIL will be a very loving Aunt (I can also see her becoming over bearing) but in any case I can see from the advice on here the less discussed the less hassle.
    I will take it as a compliment but at the same time cut back on the personal conversations I think. I do worry about the impact on MIL too, as it makes feel like I have to back off when MIL constantly mentions about SIL getting jealous over things (often over very trivial matters).
    Thanks

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    she's a 19 year old kid. she's probably immature as hell, why are you so bothered or threatened by this? let her do what she wants, it doesn't sound like she'll be overly successful in getting an equally immature BF to commit to marriage and a baby at that age, so who really cares?

    you should take it as a compliment, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery etc.

    I think as the older and more mature one here you need to just suck it up and get some perspective and let it go. she's not hurting anyone by behaving this way so I don't see the issue.

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post

    you should take it as a compliment, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery etc.
    This

  13. #9
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    At 19 I was thinking about all these things and planning them. My mum was heavily involved.
    At 25 I was a old married lady with 1 child at school (honeymoon baby) and desperately trying for another after a few losses and unexpected infertility.
    Just because she is thinking and do theses things do sent automatically make her immature.
    Our marriage is going on 24 years. So not a silly decision on our part either.
    Just because someone choose a different path eg getting married younger, have kids younger doesn't make it wrong or immature.

    I had both older sisters and sister in laws that had married around me. That in noway affected my desire.

  14. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    she's a 19 year old kid. she's probably immature as hell, why are you so bothered or threatened by this? let her do what she wants, it doesn't sound like she'll be overly successful in getting an equally immature BF to commit to marriage and a baby at that age, so who really cares?

    you should take it as a compliment, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery etc.

    I think as the older and more mature one here you need to just suck it up and get some perspective and let it go. she's not hurting anyone by behaving this way so I don't see the issue.
    She is 25.
    As I said it does impact me because I constantly feel I have to back off with my relationship that I have with MIL because of this jealousy.


 

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