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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    This is me, when DD starts and I'm tired ( DD thinks sleep is for the weak) I remove myself because sometimes I just feel a rage sweep my body and know at this moment it's the very right thing to do.
    Im exactly the same in how I physically react, however I can't step away as it makes DD worse, which in turn raises my blood pressure even more and we end up in a screaming match.

    I guess OP what I'm saying is there's no one way to deal with tantrums and I believe respectful parenting is about respecting her as an individual and dealing with tantrums in a way that makes her feel safe, not just following a blanket 'rule' from a book or blog or forum.

    I think it's worth not negotiating and trying to rather leave her alone in a different room, leaving her alone but I view of you or giving her a hug until she calms down. As long as your consistent, just trial and error a few methods before deciding which one works best for her.

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  3. #82
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    I'm ok with the term respectful parenting. If I think about my mother. Raising her 2 under two in the 80's she did not practice respectful parenting. She was an awesome mum. She was a sahm. She was loving and kind and funny. Perfect IMO..... BUT as per parenting at the time she wouldn't even have considered that she should respect her children's feelings. Her focus was on teaching us, caring for us and discipline. If you asked her if she respected us as toddlers I think she would have said "no! I respect my husband and I respect myself. I love my kids, I don't respect them".

    Just my random thoughts......

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I'm feeling quite awful now. I would love to say things calmly such as "I understand that you're upset because of xxxx" but honestly when dd1 starts to push my buttons and gets her tanty panties on I start to get frustrated and angry instead and HAVE to walk away otherwise I end up in a shouting match with her.
    I have lost my sh!t with my kids before, and it would have been soooo much better to have walked away instead. There is nothing wrong with walking away & giving you both some space!

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  6. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I'm feeling quite awful now. I would love to say things calmly such as "I understand that you're upset because of xxxx" but honestly when dd1 starts to push my buttons and gets her tanty panties on I start to get frustrated and angry instead and HAVE to walk away otherwise I end up in a shouting match with her.
    I think if your options are losing your shizz at your child or walking away when your child is safe but throwing a tantrum - then walking away is the better option.

    None of us are perfect - we are all doing the best we can xx

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  8. #85
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    I have been reading along nodding with some posts and thinking about others.

    As per the OPs standards I'm not a 'respectful parent'. I do not negotiate with tantrums. If its a non negotiable issue IE car seats, morning rush hour, I am very very firm. It needs to be done now or consequences occur and I get cranky.

    If I am not in a rush I wait till it stops, then offer a hug and see what the issue is/offer solutions. IMO the power in an parent/child relationship should be with the parent. Not shared and definitely not with the child. The child is part of the family and the happiness of the family unit is more important than one kid's demands.

    I'm also firm with mealtimes, behaviour at certain events/activities and rudeness/bad language.

    As I said. As per the terminology I'm not a respectful parent. I'm still a great one with clear boundaries and consistent rules.

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    I think it's got a hell of a lot to do with the temperament of the child. You look at my son, who is 4 and his best friend, who is 4.5. His best friend will throw a massive wobbly over the colour of the bowl and so he always gets first pick. My son, on the other hand, attempts to have a carry-on if he doesn't like the colour options left, but I go with the "if you want to eat, you have one of these bowls, I'm not changing the bowl" and he is fine with that (after a min, lol). I've always been that way with my son, I have zero patience for carry-on about a particular bowl/plate/cup colour and so I have never indulged it. But...I have no illusions that it's my parenting that makes the difference between their attitudes towards that sort of thing, o think it's about their personality and what works for them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by J37 View Post
    The phrase "respectful parenting" grinds my cookies, and smacks of "SanctiMummy", because the alternative, as already highlighted, is "disrespectful parenting", which is absurd.
    I'm a disrespectful parent and a sleep trainer. There goes my mother of the year award

  13. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm a disrespectful parent and a sleep trainer. There goes my mother of the year award
    How is using the phrase 'respectful parenting' different from using the phrase 'positive sleep aid'?

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    How is using the phrase 'respectful parenting' different from using the phrase 'positive sleep aid'?
    Who's saying it's different?

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    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Who's saying it's different?
    I think you've missed @harvs' point. You use the term positive sleep aid in many threads as distinct from a negative sleep association. Her point (I think) is it's just as agreeable or disagreeable as the phrase respectful parenting, depending on which side of the table you're on.

    Follow?
    Last edited by Sonja; 05-03-2016 at 17:59.

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