my first born was a horrific 3 year old,
my second born is 2.5 and stubborn,
Choices where choices are available eg I have cups / plates etc down and he is able to get his own, I have shoes down and he chooses them but sometimes I just have to do it, if I have time I ask him would you like to do x or would you like me to help?
with things like shopping if were only grabbing a couple of things I tell him you can walk BUT if you walk away / touch stuff etc then you will be put in the trolley,
the tantrums are strong but I generally just say yes, you're angry / sad / upset about xyz and then ignore him, I dont cuddle a tantrum, he wouldnt let me anyway but once hes calmed down generally he will come for a hug