When mine have had tantrums I don't negotiate. I basically tell them calmly what their options are and leave them to make their choice. I will tell them that I'm here to help them make the choice and for a hug when they are ready, but after that I leave them to it. Or if it's something I have to do for them I will tell them that it's happening and just do it. I don't think explaining anything to anyone in the middle of a tantrum is effective at all- it won't get through. You can reinforce why certain things need to happen at other times- when they are doing the right thing is good, as you can also praise them for doing the right thing 'thank you for getting straight in your car seat, you need to sit in here to keep you safe when we're driving'
I do have a zero tolerance policy on hitting or throwing or deliberately damaging anything- that's a straight time out in our house. Time out is just sitting on the floor/my bed with me for as many minutes as they are old. It's basically a cooling down tool, but I will never tolerate anyone hurting anyone else or damaging things in my house- no negotiations or explanations, if you harm someone you are excluded immediately.
I have 2 children, very different so I parent them differently.
DD always and still to this day needs to be woken up half an hour earlier, rushing triggers a little beast in her that can make life hell! So at that age before bed she would choose from either outfit a or b, including underwear and socks, and there was no changing in the morning.
With getting in the car if we were not rushing it was easier, or I would bring a bribe/reward item or snack, and once we were on our way she can play with the item or have a snack.
I try to be respectful of their feelings at all times, however, while in the midst of a tantrum there is no reasoning, so I walk away and say when you calm down and are able to use your words we will work this out.
DS will not like DD stop after I walk away so he gets his comfort item and has a time out, sort of, so I'll say I can see your really upset take your dolly and sit here a chill out until your ready to talk. They never get me to do what they want in the midst of a tantrum.
Realistically with time restraints, and safety in mind sometimes they go nuts and you just don't have time to deal with it, like when you force her into the car seat, try to break the cycle by distracting her, other times it is what it is.
I'm truly baffled by this concept "respectful parenting"? Isn't it just parenting?? Seems like common sense with a label.
In the midst of a tantrum, I find either removing myself or my child from the situation, so they have alone time, works best. Once they calm down, I go back in and discuss... anything before that just intensifies the situation.
I was only telling the op how I deal with tantrums in my house and that generally it is successful with very few tantrums that don't last long at all.
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