+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 10 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 97
  1. #31
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    7,369
    Thanks
    2,571
    Thanked
    3,783
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Duplicate post
    Last edited by JR03; 04-03-2016 at 18:44.

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    7,369
    Thanks
    2,571
    Thanked
    3,783
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Triplicate post
    Last edited by JR03; 04-03-2016 at 18:47.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    7,369
    Thanks
    2,571
    Thanked
    3,783
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Quadruplicate post 😂
    Last edited by JR03; 04-03-2016 at 18:49.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JR03 For This Useful Post:

    FearlessLeader  (04-03-2016),Mokeybear  (04-03-2016)

  5. #34
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    493
    Thanks
    292
    Thanked
    309
    Reviews
    11
    Quote Originally Posted by RedCreamingSoda View Post
    OP I assume by your language that you are familiar with Janet Lansbury and RIE???? If not, look them up. Good luck. Xxx
    Yes, this. Her website has some articles on tantrums I've found really helpful I think the approach is respectful, whilst not permissive.

  6. #35
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,698
    Thanks
    1,391
    Thanked
    7,288
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    Firstly thanks for taking the time to respond.

    I think my opinion on tantrums is different to a lot of you who have responded, it is either her response to a need not being met or her having emotions that she doesn't know how to handle. I never see a tantrum as being naughty or acting out, it's just the only way she knows how to deal with the situation. Which is why I don't ignore her or put her in a room on her own; I want to help her work through it and begin to learn how to react to those emotions. And only having one child, I do have the luxury of focusing all of my attention on her.
    My kids tantrums were usually about silly things like wanting a blue cup instead of a yellow cup, or wanting to eat a biscuit for breakfast, or wanting their sandwich cut in triangles instead of squares, or if a rice cake had broken, or not getting a lollipop at the shops. I ignore those tantrums.

    In the end it was easier if I asked what plate/bowl/cup they wanted, how they want their sandwich cut etc.

    But I also think that trying to negotiate with a tantruming toddler is pointless 99% of the time as they're just so unreasonable at the best of times without throwing a tantrum in the mix.

    If they know that's how they get your undivided doting attention then that's what they'll do to get it. When I walk away, my kids calm down and then we discuss it amicably.

    My kids still have tantrums, sure but they are very short lived and usually because they are tired or hungry.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BigRedV For This Useful Post:

    J37  (05-03-2016),VicPark  (04-03-2016)

  8. #36
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4,211
    Thanks
    3,645
    Thanked
    3,454
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week

    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    My kids tantrums were usually about silly things like wanting a blue cup instead of a yellow cup, or wanting to eat a biscuit for breakfast, or wanting their sandwich cut in triangles instead of squares, or if a rice cake had broken, or not getting a lollipop at the shops. I ignore those tantrums.

    In the end it was easier if I asked what plate/bowl/cup they wanted, how they want their sandwich cut etc.

    But I also think that trying to negotiate with a tantruming toddler is pointless 99% of the time as they're just so unreasonable at the best of times without throwing a tantrum in the mix.

    If they know that's how they get your undivided doting attention then that's what they'll do to get it. When I walk away, my kids calm down and then we discuss it amicably.

    My kids still have tantrums, sure but they are very short lived and usually because they are tired or hungry.
    I think you're assuming that what JR03 or some of the rest of us are saying to try and explain our approach, that we have an attitude that means we are permissive of poor behavior or doting when really it is probably more of a combination of knowing what works for our child and a specific parenting style. For me, walking away often escalates the tantrum, whereas doing what other PPs have suggested usually sees him calm down much faster. It doesn't mean he 'always gets his way' and turns to a tantrum instantly to get my attention, it just means that for him he calms down faster when he feels like I understand why he's upset.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 04-03-2016 at 19:18.

  9. #37
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,698
    Thanks
    1,391
    Thanked
    7,288
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts

    Default Respectfully parenting a threenager

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I think you're assuming that what JR03 or some of the rest of us are saying to try and explain our approach, that we have an attitude that means we are permissive of poor behavior or doting when really it is probably more of a combination of knowing what works for our child and a specific parenting style. For me, walking away often escalates the tantrum, whereas doing what other PPs have suggested usually sees him calm down much faster. It doesn't mean he 'always gets his way' and turns to a tantrum instantly to get my attention, it just means that for him he calms down faster when he feels like I understand why he's upset.
    The OP says she can't touch or talk to her, but she is allowed to stay in the room, door has to be open (I think) then she talks to her when she's calmed down a bit. Sounds like too much discussion and negotiation to me. She is calling the shots at that time and telling her mum what she can and can't do during a tantrum.

    Sometimes our kids are not going to like the way we deal with things and that's ok.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BigRedV For This Useful Post:

    BornToBe  (05-03-2016),J37  (05-03-2016)

  11. #38
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4,211
    Thanks
    3,645
    Thanked
    3,454
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    The OP says she can't touch or talk to her, but she is allowed to stay in the room, door has to be open (I think) then she talks to her when she's calmed down a bit. Sounds like too much discussion and negotiation to me. She is calling the shots at that time and telling her mum what she can and can't do during a tantrum.

    Sometimes our kids are not going to like the way we deal with things and that's ok.
    I think it's more that it's new behavior that she's learning to deal with and she's trying to figure out how to do that inline with her parenting style.

  12. #39
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,698
    Thanks
    1,391
    Thanked
    7,288
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I think it's more that it's new behavior that she's learning to deal with and she's trying to figure out how to do that inline with her parenting style.
    Of course, but sometimes our kids are not going to like what we do and we need to get over it. They won't love us any less. I'm not going to let my 3 year old cross the road without holding my hand. If that hurts her feelings then too bad. I try and explain it and if she doesn't hold my hand then I carry her, which leads to her screaming and kicking.

  13. #40
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,698
    Thanks
    1,391
    Thanked
    7,288
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    And also, I'm just highlighting what worked for me, but I had 4 yo, 2 yo and newborn so as already has been pointed out, it's different when you only have 1 child.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Co parenting
    By nae91 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-01-2016, 18:51

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Sarah Tooke Childbirth & Parenting Education
Providing private, personalised antenatal childbirth & parenting education to expectant parents in the comfort of their own home. Sessions are flexible, including everything that hospital based programs cover. Click to find out more!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!